AHS: Coven Finale Recap: Seven Up

American Horror Stroy Coven FinaleIn Wednesday’s grand finale of American Horror Story: Coven, not only do we get to see Misty and the teenage witches perform the Seven Wonders, but a last-minute contender emerges from the shadows to throw her (pointy black) hat into the ring. Who ultimately ascends to the Supremacy… and who dies trying? Read on for all the gory details!

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FINALS | After Stevie Nicks and the girls appear in their own private music video for Fleetwood Mac’s “Seven Wonders” (co-starring a cat I can’t recall them ever having) and Myrtle serves a Last Supper-inspired pre-contest meal (supernatural carbo-loading?), we’re off to the races. First up: telekinesis — Madison’s bailiwick, Myrtle notes. And though the starlet has no idea what the word means, she and her peers all pass the Carrie test. Next, a demonstration of mind control leads to bitch-slapping, hair-pulling and poor FrankenKyle being used as a kinky prop. (If neither sorcery nor acting work out for Madison, she’d make a fine dominatrix.) Feat No. 3 requires the contestants to descend into hell. And, in spite of Myrtle’s warning that “it’s the getting back, darlings, that’s the challenge,” Misty becomes trapped in high school, where she’s forced over and over again for all eternity to dissect the dead frog that she resurrects. RIP, Swamp Thing.

AND THE WINNER IS… | After a moment’s — and I do mean “a moment’s” — reflection on Misty’s demise, the wannabe Supremes’ transmutation exam devolves into a rollicking game of tag… which leaves Zoe impaled on Miss Robichaux’s wrought-iron fence. Moving hastily along to vitalum vitalis (you know, bringing stuff back to life), Queenie tries and fails to revive Zoe, and Madison swats, then unswats a fly rather than reanimate her rival. Since the bratlet is obviously the new Supreme, she tells Cordelia and Myrtle that they can “either crown me or kiss my ass.” Thankfully, Myrtle’s convenient epiphany — that Cordelia could be the new Supreme — keeps both of those things from happening. In no time, the blind sorceress has passed every test that Madison has — plus, she succeeds where Madison fails, at divination. Ticked at being bested, Madison writes off Miss Robichaux’s as “just some jacked-up version of Celebrity Rehab” and announces that she’s headed back to Hollywood, “where people are normal.” RIP, Miss Congeniality. Oh wait, not yet!

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SEEING RED | Moments later — apparently forgetting that she’s a powerful witch — Madison does nothing to stop FrankenKyle when he interrupts her packing to throttle her for refusing to resurrect Zoe. (Even Spalding doesn’t want Madison anymore — the baby doll fetishist tells FrankenKyle that they’ll bury her.) Meanwhile, Cordelia returns Zoe to the land of the living and, at last having come into her powers, regains her eyesight and her ability to do glamtastic hair and make-up. She even takes Miss Robichaux’s public, conducting TV interviews in which she likens being a witch to being gay (or, in pop-culture terms, a Slayer). The one bummer in it all? Myrtle insists upon being burned at the stake for murdering the old Council. “At the start of your glorious reign,” she tells Delia, “the last thing you need is an Abscam, a Watergate.” RIP, you delectable nutbag. And welcome, new Council members Zoe and Queenie.

ONCE MORE, WITH FEELING | Before Cordelia throws open the doors to a ’round-the-block line of Goth Idol auditioners — er, Miss Robichaux’s new students — she has to take care of some unfinished business: her mother. Resembling death warmed over but not yet dead — surprise! — Fiona reveals that she implanted in the Axeman’s head the false memory of him hacking her to bits, so that a) she could be rid of him, and b) she could let Cordelia figure out the identity of the new Supreme (then, of course, kill her). Now, however, she just wants to die. She’s even willing to explain herself to her daughter: If she was awful to Cordelia, it was only because every time she looked at her, she saw her own mortality staring back. “And all this time,” Delia cracks, “I thought you just didn’t like me.” While the new Supreme refuses to slit her mother’s throat, she does offer an embrace — possibly their first and definitely their last. Once she’s passed away, Fiona wakes to the sound of a rooster crowing… in a room with hideous wallpaper. As Papa Legba cackles, she realizes that she’s in her version of hell — stuck in the country forevermore with the Axeman and his damn Gin Rickeys!

Okay, your turn. What did you think of the episode? The season? Hit the comments!

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131 Comments
  1. Austin says:

    Honestly, I loved the finale. I thought it was great after a confusing season. I was definitely satisfied with everything that happened. Still sad over a few things that happened throughout but hey, at least Fiona didn’t somehow end up the supreme in the end.

  2. Phil says:

    Misty Day’s death really annoyed me! I knew one of the girls would get stuck in Hell and was hoping that it wouldn’t be her. She was the last character to deserve that fate!

    • anniem says:

      Agreed. I said to my husband, “That’s so unfair – she’s the only one who never hurt anybody!” I was hoping Madison would get stuck in hell, repeatedly wearing old sweats, no makeup, and walking around Walmart with no money or something! :-)

    • Tom says:

      Only part of the episode that disturbed me. Terrible fate.

  3. What happened to revealing the premise of season 4?

  4. Mikael says:

    I wish Coven could become its own show. I also really hope that Angela Bassett comes back for future seasons. Her performance as Marie was my favorite of all 3 seasons.

  5. R.O.B. says:

    This show is getting more credit than it deserves. Sure there are moments of good acting, but the story is all over the place and there is no cohenerent plot (not just this season, but last). Feels like they are making it up as they go along. I’d love to see them focus next year on one major storyline, tightly plotted. This is as haphazard and ridiculous as Nip/Tuck became in later seasons, and I am not even mentioning how they turned witchcraft basically into being like omniscient jedi with more powers. It would have been more interesting if they stuck to a little bit more realistic depiction of witches.

  6. samantha says:

    Why isnt spalding in hell!?

  7. Lucas says:

    The plot hole that bugs me the most about this season is Zoe’s powers, they did literally nothing with it all season. First, she started with crazy black widow powers, which are cool and play a part in what, the first two episode? then they never come back to it. Then the writers give start making her more powerful, allowing her to find the book she needs for the axeman through magic, and giving her what ever power she used to stop the zombies. Which was awesome and even scared Marie Leveau. And then, as typical of this season, nothing ever is elaborated or even commented on again.

    • samantha says:

      I thought zoe was the supreme. She brought back the bum kyle killed..and finding the book and the right spell to free the axeman was devining right? So she had the 7 wonders right!?

  8. abc says:

    eh.

    In the end a bit of a typical Hollywood Disney ending no?? Especially for something that is supposed to be American HORROR Story.

    I was wondering all along why everyone seemed to conveniently overlook Cordelia for the tests, it seemed awfully convenient, especially with her ties to her mother and all the way it was constructed, it seemed too potentially obvious.

    I knew they’d never have the guts to actually go through with letting Madison become the next Supreme. Of course, as in any typical Hollywood ending, she had to get hers so everyone can feel all good about the mean girl and the hottest girl staying full on mean and getting hers. How many times have we seen that before in movies and TV? Only always?

    Or if they were going to go all Hollywood ending then why not go full bore and redeem Madison and spin a bit of a surprise with that at least?

    The way they killed off Madison was ridiculous, she had all the powers but divination, which is the most minor of all the 7 major powers if you ask me, and she can’t defend herself against some college kid? Really? She just puppet mastered him with ease ten seconds before. So really?? And for all the talk about how she was too worn out then, come on, she didn’t even break a sweat from any of the trials and passed every one other than divination without even trying, she was the second one back from her hell, etc. And she couldn’t bring herself back to life again at least? Why?

    And to have Misty, maybe the gentlest of them all be the one fated to be stuck in a purgatory hell killing animals for the rest of her ‘life’?? If you are going to go there then make the rest of it dark. How do you go there and then be all Disney with the last three standing?

    And why did Queenie get to be the big hero all of a sudden and one of the only two to survive? She turned her back on the coven in a way none of the others ever quite did and she was among the most annoying of all at times and could be every bit as bad as Madison at times and suddenly she is one of the two little angles at the end?

    Since we never saw a true end to Madison and since she brought herself back once before, I chose to believe she brings herself back again after a few months post the last thing they showed in the season, what happens then who knows…. maybe divination was BS and she has a few other powers beyond the 7…. things might get interesting…. or maybe she comes back with a new outlook and extra powers.

  9. Mia says:

    Cordelia should not have been Supreme because of the fact she had a medical condition. The doctor told her she could not conceive and she said Madison couldn’t be Supreme because of her heart murmur. They put all of this together and didn’t know what to do, so even though they made it obvious that Cordelia wasn’t even on the running, they made her Supreme anyway. Why did Zoe get impaled on the fence? What was the point of Kyles molestation story? What was the point of Stevie Nicks being the white witch? This season sucked.

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