Quotes of the Week: Best Zingers From Sleepy Hollow, Girls, Arrow, Suburgatory, Coven & More

Whether or not you’ve got a three-day weekend in honor of Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, it’s your inalienable right to enjoy TVLine’s Quotes of the Week!

Yes, folks, we’ve stayed glued to our couches for the last seven days in an attempt to round up the best zingers, one-liners, bon mots and retorts from the small screen.

RELATED | Who Is TVLine’s Performer of the Week?

This time around, we’ve got a bawdy Golden Globes intro, a bit of fashion commentary from Sleepy Hollow, a kitchen-appliance reference on Modern Family, a Bachelor malapropism, a HIMYM pun and much more. So click through the gallery below for our latest batch of honorees, then hit the comments to weigh in on your faves — and add anything we’ve inevitably missed!



Comments (34)

  • you could have put just about ANYTHING Harry Connick Jr said here, he was freaking hilarious!!

    Comment by Camille P (@MalsDoxy) – January 19, 2014 10:20 AM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • Sofia’s bewbs are old news but always welcome to show up! :D

    Comment by Dr. L – January 19, 2014 10:39 AM PDT  Reply To This Post
    • i dont find julie bowen funny…. she tries too hard to be funny sometimes and it always comes off as inappropriate.

      Comment by eddie – January 19, 2014 12:36 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • Crotchless panties for everyone!

    Comment by Matt C. – January 19, 2014 10:42 AM PDT  Reply To This Post
    • AHS was indeed very quotable this week.

      Comment by wordsmith – January 19, 2014 02:49 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • What about anything Red said in The Blacklist..there were a few good ones like. .”OMG..the suspense is killing me”..or “Janice I’m going to have to take a raincheck on the Stroganoff. .it smells delicious”..or “Don’t look so stricken..the first shot will kill you”. So many good lines. .way to drop the ball TVline

    Comment by bonesfan – January 19, 2014 10:46 AM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • No man should ever wear skinny jeans but I have to say that shirt on Ichabod is way hot!

    Comment by enuff said – January 19, 2014 10:49 AM PDT  Reply To This Post
    • Amen! And if they ever make him ditch the coat there will be a whole new kind of revolutionary war!

      Comment by jenferner8 – January 19, 2014 04:07 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
    • No argument here. I love the glare on Ichabod’s face in that photo. That whole scene was great.

      Comment by Angela – January 19, 2014 04:58 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
    • Totally. Besides for a guy, Ichabod looked totally hot wearing skinny jeans!

      Comment by Rich Abey – January 20, 2014 02:30 AM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • I swear, Almost Human’s John & Dorian and Arrow’s Oliver Queen & Felicity Smoak get the best exchanges week after week on TV. They’re quickly becoming my favorite tv duos.

    Comment by GildedRose – January 19, 2014 11:04 AM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • I love that Oliver and Felicity are on here every week. They have some of the best banter on tv!

    Comment by Ashely – January 19, 2014 11:09 AM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • Man! I thought Brooklyn 99 had some great quotes. But thanks for the Castle quote!

    Comment by leigh – January 19, 2014 11:25 AM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • I actually think the best line from Community this week was when Britta said: ” Yeah, well if I wanted the government in my uterus I would fill it with oil and Hispanic voters!” That was hilarious!

    Comment by Tenney – January 19, 2014 12:01 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
    • My personal favorite was her talking about how she would prefer to be at a bris instead of a baptism because “at least there’s an element of suspense at a bris” :D. Britta is awesome.
      I love that we can have so many quotes from this week’s episode that would apply here, though.

      Comment by Angela – January 19, 2014 05:00 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
      • Oh, I forgot about that line, that was so funny! Community killed it this week!

        Comment by Tenney – January 19, 2014 07:15 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
    • “[Jeff], to you, I leave this bottle of fine scotch, so that you’re less tempted to drink this cylinder of even finer sperm.”

      - Easily the funniest and most disgusting joke ever to make it into a Community episode.

      Comment by Vincent Ventrevski – January 19, 2014 06:29 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
    • “Someone get me a balloon!”

      Comment by Britta Unfiltered – January 19, 2014 11:12 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • Nothing from Parks and Rec? Chris killed me with his comment on Grey’s Anatomy : “This show is LITERALLY a never ending roller-coaster of emotion”

    Comment by Stefan – January 19, 2014 12:01 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • That Community quote also fulfills a prophecy in a season one episode where they say she’ll own a used iPod nano in 2014.

    Comment by HT – January 19, 2014 12:25 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
    • I rewatched this episode a few days ago and i was pleased when I heard that line! That’s little things like that that make me love Community.

      Comment by Azerty – January 19, 2014 02:54 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • I can’t believe anything was included from How I Met Your Mother. That was an awful, terrible episode.

    Comment by Max Fisher – January 19, 2014 12:53 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • Mindy was hilarious, I loved that episode!!! very funny

    Comment by CSI Fan – January 19, 2014 12:58 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • The skinny jeans on Sleepy Hollow were hilarious. On Live with Kelly and Michael, Tom Mison referred to skinny jeans as the devil’s trouser. Truly they are evil.

    That said, there was an awkward moment in this episode where the writer was speaking rather than the characters. It was the whole exchange about the 2nd ammendment in the car. It would be a longer discussion than they probably had credit for I’m sure and there is no way that Ichabod would say what he said. That is a modern, PC viewpoint which is fine for Abbie to have but should have been contrasted with Ichabod’s different POV, coming from a very different background.

    Of course nobody wants them to be debating gun control on the show, so they should have cut the line entirely. As I said before, the way it played out was the writer talking, not Ichabod.

    Comment by Drew – January 19, 2014 02:14 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • Oh, the SHIELD quote really is hilarious, mostly because he speaks about no defined muscularity, while, obviously, this being an American show, everyone in the Academy looks like a supermodel just getting out of a gym (re: pool scene). LOL

    Comment by Pix – January 19, 2014 02:57 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • I think the AHS bonus quote should have been: “Madison, you are the worst kind of Hollywood cliché–A bobblehead with crotchless panties” –Myrtle. That line made me laugh so hard. I love Myrtle.

    Comment by abz – January 19, 2014 04:53 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • The New Girl comment on being cut off from sex, and Jess saying, “I need my vitamin D.” Far funnier.

    Comment by M – January 19, 2014 05:21 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • “She’s like a self cleaning oven” was the best line from the whole season! Ty Burrell is my favorite on that show, hands down!

    Comment by Sarahliz1624 – January 19, 2014 05:51 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • I’m sorry but nothing from the second episode of Enlisted ?? You guys at TVLine told us to watch it but apparently you don’t. There were some very good stuff !

    Comment by Sandy – January 20, 2014 01:29 AM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • What about Revolution? “You’re a d**k.” or “Oh shut up, you’ve been his Dad for five minutes, and all of sudden you’re Cliff Huxtable?” – Miles and Monroe are the best.

    Comment by Heather – January 20, 2014 02:19 AM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • Thanks for including the ‘Castle’ quote. Totally deserved to be included. Loved the scene between Rick & his dad…40 years in the making!

    Comment by Rich Abey – January 20, 2014 02:34 AM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • I like jeans. I am using a lot of brands.

    Comment by Samurai Jeans – January 31, 2014 12:34 PM PDT  Reply To This Post

Leave a Reply

Comments on TVLine.com are monitored. So don't go off topic, don't frakkin' curse, and be gone with your offers of discount leather goods. Talk smart about TV!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s