Quotes of the Week: Best Zingers From Sleepy Hollow, Girls, Arrow, Suburgatory, Coven & More

Whether or not you’ve got a three-day weekend in honor of Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, it’s your inalienable right to enjoy TVLine’s Quotes of the Week!

Yes, folks, we’ve stayed glued to our couches for the last seven days in an attempt to round up the best zingers, one-liners, bon mots and retorts from the small screen.

RELATED | Who Is TVLine’s Performer of the Week?

This time around, we’ve got a bawdy Golden Globes intro, a bit of fashion commentary from Sleepy Hollow, a kitchen-appliance reference on Modern Family, a Bachelor malapropism, a HIMYM pun and much more. So click through the gallery below for our latest batch of honorees, then hit the comments to weigh in on your faves — and add anything we’ve inevitably missed!

Comments are monitored, so don’t go off topic, don’t frakkin’ curse and don’t bore us with how much your coworker’s sister-in-law makes per hour. Talk smart about TV!

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  1. you could have put just about ANYTHING Harry Connick Jr said here, he was freaking hilarious!!

  2. Dr. L says:

    Sofia’s bewbs are old news but always welcome to show up! :D

  3. Matt C. says:

    Crotchless panties for everyone!

  4. bonesfan says:

    What about anything Red said in The Blacklist..there were a few good ones like. .”OMG..the suspense is killing me”..or “Janice I’m going to have to take a raincheck on the Stroganoff. .it smells delicious”..or “Don’t look so stricken..the first shot will kill you”. So many good lines. .way to drop the ball TVline

  5. enuff said says:

    No man should ever wear skinny jeans but I have to say that shirt on Ichabod is way hot!

  6. GildedRose says:

    I swear, Almost Human’s John & Dorian and Arrow’s Oliver Queen & Felicity Smoak get the best exchanges week after week on TV. They’re quickly becoming my favorite tv duos.

  7. Ashely says:

    I love that Oliver and Felicity are on here every week. They have some of the best banter on tv!

  8. leigh says:

    Man! I thought Brooklyn 99 had some great quotes. But thanks for the Castle quote!

  9. Tenney says:

    I actually think the best line from Community this week was when Britta said: ” Yeah, well if I wanted the government in my uterus I would fill it with oil and Hispanic voters!” That was hilarious!

    • Angela says:

      My personal favorite was her talking about how she would prefer to be at a bris instead of a baptism because “at least there’s an element of suspense at a bris” :D. Britta is awesome.
      I love that we can have so many quotes from this week’s episode that would apply here, though.

    • Vincent Ventrevski says:

      “[Jeff], to you, I leave this bottle of fine scotch, so that you’re less tempted to drink this cylinder of even finer sperm.”

      – Easily the funniest and most disgusting joke ever to make it into a Community episode.

    • Britta Unfiltered says:

      “Someone get me a balloon!”

  10. Stefan says:

    Nothing from Parks and Rec? Chris killed me with his comment on Grey’s Anatomy : “This show is LITERALLY a never ending roller-coaster of emotion”

  11. HT says:

    That Community quote also fulfills a prophecy in a season one episode where they say she’ll own a used iPod nano in 2014.

    • Azerty says:

      I rewatched this episode a few days ago and i was pleased when I heard that line! That’s little things like that that make me love Community.

  12. Max Fisher says:

    I can’t believe anything was included from How I Met Your Mother. That was an awful, terrible episode.

  13. CSI Fan says:

    Mindy was hilarious, I loved that episode!!! very funny

  14. Drew says:

    The skinny jeans on Sleepy Hollow were hilarious. On Live with Kelly and Michael, Tom Mison referred to skinny jeans as the devil’s trouser. Truly they are evil.

    That said, there was an awkward moment in this episode where the writer was speaking rather than the characters. It was the whole exchange about the 2nd ammendment in the car. It would be a longer discussion than they probably had credit for I’m sure and there is no way that Ichabod would say what he said. That is a modern, PC viewpoint which is fine for Abbie to have but should have been contrasted with Ichabod’s different POV, coming from a very different background.

    Of course nobody wants them to be debating gun control on the show, so they should have cut the line entirely. As I said before, the way it played out was the writer talking, not Ichabod.

  15. Pix says:

    Oh, the SHIELD quote really is hilarious, mostly because he speaks about no defined muscularity, while, obviously, this being an American show, everyone in the Academy looks like a supermodel just getting out of a gym (re: pool scene). LOL

  16. abz says:

    I think the AHS bonus quote should have been: “Madison, you are the worst kind of Hollywood cliché–A bobblehead with crotchless panties” –Myrtle. That line made me laugh so hard. I love Myrtle.

  17. M says:

    The New Girl comment on being cut off from sex, and Jess saying, “I need my vitamin D.” Far funnier.

  18. Sarahliz1624 says:

    “She’s like a self cleaning oven” was the best line from the whole season! Ty Burrell is my favorite on that show, hands down!

  19. Sandy says:

    I’m sorry but nothing from the second episode of Enlisted ?? You guys at TVLine told us to watch it but apparently you don’t. There were some very good stuff !

  20. Heather says:

    What about Revolution? “You’re a d**k.” or “Oh shut up, you’ve been his Dad for five minutes, and all of sudden you’re Cliff Huxtable?” – Miles and Monroe are the best.

  21. Rich Abey says:

    Thanks for including the ‘Castle’ quote. Totally deserved to be included. Loved the scene between Rick & his dad…40 years in the making!

  22. I like jeans. I am using a lot of brands.