Golden Globes 2014: Rate Tina Fey and Amy Poehler's Opening Monologue!

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Tina Fey Amy Poehler Opening Monologue“They’re so good at it, it’s weird.” So said nominee Melissa McCarthy on the red carpet tonight, when asked about 2014 Golden Globes hosts Amy Poehler and Tina Fey — emceeing Hollywood’s most unpredictable (or at least its most inebriated) kudosfest for the second year running.

Of course, given the funny ladies’ absolutely killer reviews for their 2013 gig, the question loomed: Was there any risk of a sophomore slump? Could the weight of great expectations sink Poehler and Fey’s seemingly unstoppable streak of hilarity? (Heck, the duo ruled the 2013 Emmys opener — and they weren’t even hosting!)

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The answer to those questions: OF COURSE THEY WERE AMAZING! Poehler and Fey proved as sharp and sly and current as expected — and maybe even funnier than their first go-’round — navigating the tricky task of poking fun at their compatriots (telling Matt Damon that in this A-list crowd, he was merely “a garbage person”) and acknowledging the inherent ridiculousness of the awards-season process (Fey joking that they’d been invited back to host because in Hollywood, when something “kinda works, you keep doing it till everybody hates it”) without coming off as unseemly or unkind.

Among the best bits:

* Poehler and Fey razzing dual nominee Julia Louis-Dreyfus for sitting in the movies section, rather than with her TV cohorts, as the actress played along for the cameras by smoking an e-cigarette, then brushing off a shocked Reese Witherspoon.

* A joke about Matthew McConaughey losing 45 lbs for his role in Dallas Buyers Club, “or what actresses call ‘being in a movie.’”

* Poehler’s zinger that “Masters of Sex is the degree I got from Boston College.” (Badum bum!)

* Fey’s brutal one-liner, presented without comment: “Gravity is nominated for best film: It’s the story about how George Clooney would rather float away into space and die than spend one more minute with a woman his own age.”

* Fey acknowledging Poehler’s nomination for Parks and Recreation, followed by the latter actress asking for a Poehler closeup — which naturally landed on a giddy Jennifer Lawrence.

* Fey’s introduction of the telecast as “71st Annual Tina Fey and Amy Poehler’s Lee Daniels’ The Butler Golden Globe Awards,” and Poehler’s welcome to “all the women and gay men watching at home.”

But that’s just our take. What did you think of the 2014 Golden Globes opening monologue? Take our poll below, then sound off in the comments! And for all the Globes coverage your heart desires — from backstage quotes to winners/losers to best and worst moments and red-carpet video — follow us on Twitter @TVLine.




Comments (53)

  • No shoutout for the George Clooney joke? Best line of the night.

    Comment by Meg – January 12, 2014 05:19 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
    • George clooney’s joke was the Best. I Love this two!

      Comment by clode – January 12, 2014 05:24 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
    • I was just adding it! Wanted to transcribe it accurately — too good to misquote.

      Comment by Michael Slezak – January 12, 2014 05:29 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
      • Accuracy for the win! Thanks, Michael.

        Comment by Meg – January 12, 2014 05:33 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
    • I agree-it had me giggling for minutes afterward.

      Comment by MelindaB – January 12, 2014 05:55 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
    • Totally the best line (most true) of the whole evening…so far.

      Comment by c-mo – January 12, 2014 07:06 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • Best Joke:

    “Gravity is the story of how George Clooney would rather float off into space and die than spend one more minute with a woman his own age”

    Comment by Chris – January 12, 2014 05:20 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
    • Laughed so hard at that!

      Comment by Sasha – January 12, 2014 05:23 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
    • No kidding. To quote the esteemed William Shatner: “Can’t Tina and Amy just host everything?”

      Comment by vioricabritton – January 13, 2014 04:16 AM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • Better than last year! Loved the continual Tam Honks jokes

    Comment by Jeff – January 12, 2014 05:20 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • Last years was much better

    Comment by bt – January 12, 2014 05:20 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • Their take on Gravity was so funny – has to be my favorite line of the night without a doubt!

    Comment by crabapplerum – January 12, 2014 05:21 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • For two people who joked about Julia Louis-Dreyfus not seating in the TV section they didn’t do enough TV jokes, in my opinion.

    Comment by Martina – January 12, 2014 05:21 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • these women are so unfunny

    Comment by god – January 12, 2014 05:22 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
    • YOU ARE HIGH

      Comment by Lumplestilskin – January 12, 2014 06:13 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
    • I agree!

      Comment by KC – January 12, 2014 06:42 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
    • …or you have no sense of humor.

      Comment by TV Gord – January 12, 2014 11:19 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • The Geoge Cloone´s joke! Amazing!

    Comment by Catu – January 12, 2014 05:23 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • The George Clooney joke was awesome too! And the monologue was longer than last year which felt so short.

    Comment by JON – January 12, 2014 05:24 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • George Clooney joke was the best. Also liked the act 1 joke about Scorsese! :)

    Comment by katrina – January 12, 2014 05:24 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • Besides the garbage man dig, they were hilarious.

    Comment by Lysh – January 12, 2014 05:26 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • They are hilarious. And I love that the people they were joking about were such good sports about it!

    Comment by Babybop – January 12, 2014 05:31 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • By usual standards this is was an A. However, I like last years better so on their curve it’s a B

    Comment by Matt – January 12, 2014 05:32 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • The George Clooney/Gravity joke was th best of the night, can’t believe you didn’t mention it.

    Comment by Ve – January 12, 2014 05:32 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • They did great! Amy Poehler never fails to impress me…

    Comment by Parker – January 12, 2014 05:45 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • They were even better than last year! I just hope they’ll appear more during the show than they did last year.

    Comment by annoulamarmar – January 12, 2014 06:02 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • George Clooney and Julie louie dreyfus jokes were good but otherwise a pretty mediocre opening

    Comment by sarah – January 12, 2014 06:05 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • Honestly love these two …. but The Clooney joke was previously told almost word for word on SNL’s Weekend Update about two months ago. They just changed a few words.

    Comment by Puhleaze – January 12, 2014 06:40 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
    • Yes! I knew I had heard that joke before but I couldn’t remember where! Even though the joke was very funny, and I do love Tina and Amy, the fact that it was the same joke from SNL makes me a little suspicious.

      Comment by Julia – January 12, 2014 10:02 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
    • I think that SNL Weekend Update said “there’s no way George Clooney would spend that much time talking to a woman his own age.” Similar, but definitely not exactly the same.

      Comment by neha – January 13, 2014 02:54 AM PDT  Reply To This Post
    • It may very well be that Seth Meyers, who writes some of the WU material on SNL (he’s head writer) punched up the joke for the GG’s. He did supply some material. That, or TFey, Amy, or some other GG writer decided to take that very joke up a notch. All the NBC comedians work with each other a lot and it can get pretty incestuous, ;). I’m sure no one’s panties are in a bunch over it. I think everyone involved in both jokes was fully aware of the borrowing. I thought the joke was funny on SNL and absolutely killed at the GG’s. But I’m glad to see validation about how the Gravity joke at the GG’s wasn’t entirely original, because I knew I had heard it (or something similar) somewhere else too!

      Comment by Lisa – January 17, 2014 03:31 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • Best joke and call back from last year “there’s a special place in hell for you”

    Comment by bltcubs – January 12, 2014 07:04 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • It was funny needed more Tv jokes

    Comment by Aleana – January 12, 2014 07:39 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • Tina fey and Kate blanchette are white trash

    Comment by Karen – January 12, 2014 07:51 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
    • Harsh statement for such talented individuals

      Comment by susan – January 12, 2014 08:33 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
    • Do you know what “white trash” means?

      Comment by gdv – January 12, 2014 08:43 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
    • really, karen?! white trash? you don’t even know how to spell cate’s name right!!!! :) and tina fey is an american treasure.. how dare you?! :)

      Comment by jon – January 12, 2014 09:22 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • Although I enjoyed last year’s much more, they were still hilarious and I wouldn’t mind seeing them host once again. Have them host the Emmy’s too!

    Comment by abz – January 12, 2014 07:58 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • did we forget DiCaprio’s intro??

    Comment by Joe – January 12, 2014 09:00 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • Such a great list, Michael. They did a great job. The funniest joke of this year or last was about Zero Dark Thirty when Amy said when it comes to torture, she trusts the woman who was married to James Cameron for 3 years. So inside baseball about his reputation and so ‘aww snap’ in front of his ex wife. Jessica Chastain was full on WTF and Kathryn Bigelow was laughing. She’s actually on good terms with him but got why it was funny which I loved. The gasps and crowd reaction you can just watch on a loop. Loved Amy and Tina this year too. The Leo/supermodel joke was so on point and he was a good sport. The 45 lbs thing with Matthew was really clever. Every actress in that room went ‘heck yeah’ as one. In other news, I screamed when Amy Poehler won. You’re welcome, neighbors.

    Comment by scooby – January 12, 2014 09:41 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • The DiCaprio/ supermodel joke was genius.Tina and Amy should just host every gala from now on.

    Comment by Magali – January 12, 2014 10:16 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
    • That was one of my favorites too!

      Comment by neha – January 13, 2014 02:54 AM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • Not nearly as good as last year. A lot of the jokes fell flat.

    Comment by Bark Star – January 13, 2014 03:56 AM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • Both Amy & Tina did a fantastic & entertaining job!!! Kudos’……..

    Comment by Heidi – January 13, 2014 05:21 AM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • Seeing as 1 garbage man is more important and effectual, than the entire room of actors at the Globes. I’d say the garbage man “joke”, was needlessly rude. I hope the men and woman who collect Fey’s and Poehlers garbage decide to stop. With out those men and women who get up every morning and do that extremely important, yet utterly thankless job. Our society would would cease to function as is. Air Quality and health would be lousy. So thank your garbage man or woman, don’t ridicule them. They deserve an honor more than actors do.

    Comment by Chris – January 13, 2014 06:51 AM PDT  Reply To This Post
    • Love both comediennes but you are right on about the garbagemen joke. I think they need to do a little soul-searching about their attitude towards real working people who take care of their needs and then apologize. I’m glad to see others were offended. I’ve been stewing about it off and on since the GG. Thank you to all garbage workers! “There’s no such place as AWAY!”

      Comment by Barbara – January 31, 2014 12:27 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
      • They weren’t referring to people who collect garbage (actual trash collectors/sanitary workers). They were just using the term “Garbage Person” as a person who is worth garbage or made of garbage. There were other terms they could have used that would have been more clear, but probably would have required profanity that they couldn’t use on TV. I think they know better than to insult a bunch of hard-working people who do a job a lot of people don’t want to do.

        Comment by Lisa G. – February 1, 2014 04:29 AM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • My boyfriend commented on the garbage man joke. I think everyone can walk away happy from this if the ladies do a sexy calender with some of our hunky garbage men and make sure to save a page for Matt! Proceeds to charity. Everybody wins.

    Comment by Claudia – January 13, 2014 07:13 AM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • Not nearly as humorous as last year.

    Comment by lee donovan – January 13, 2014 09:14 AM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • I liked how they described the Cecille B. DeMille Award as the tiniest man with the biggest glasses award (in honor of Woody Allen and past winner Martin Scorscese)

    Comment by RZ – January 13, 2014 09:54 AM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • Tina and Amy were terrific! Even George Clooney would have had a good laugh with that joke! And the bit with Tam Honks! They need to do the Oscars down the road!

    Comment by Carolyn – January 13, 2014 10:10 AM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • Do people really think a room full of ego maniac drunks are entertaining????? The show had a few high lights but mostly I thought it a disgrace. If that’s Hollywood entertainment I don’t care to watch any more!!!

    Comment by no name – January 15, 2014 03:11 PM PDT  Reply To This Post

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