Welcome to a special Thanksgiving edition of The X Factor!
We hope you’re not too stuffed on turkey and potatoes, because have we got a sweet treat for you: A brutal sing-for-survival showdown between a plucky 13-year-old girl and a wide-eyed 15-year-old boy. The loser’s tears will be whipped into a delectable meringue and spread atop his or her crushed dreams and melted aspirations. Mmm…yummy!
I kid, I kid! Losers don’t get any pie. Hey, I don’t make the rules — Simon Cowell does.
In other news tonight, Demi Lovato performed her new single “Neon Lights,” but mostly sounded like a young female Wookiee with its foot caught in a bear trap. The look on the X Factor‘s mentor face as she ended the number indicated her own displeasure with the vocal — or maybe she was just miffed at the fact that her turquoise hair was standing on end as if she’d just finished rubbing a balloon against her head. How the heck did this happen?
Best of all, we got definitive proof of the following theory about Paulina Rubio that I proposed in my Wednesday-night recap — that the totally inept panelist may or may not actually know the names of her two remaining acts unless they’re written on the back of her AmEx bill. Surprise! She doesn’t! (But more on that in a moment.)
Anyhow, in the spirit of the season, let me stop being a Snarky McBeastypants and get right to the results.
First Act to Go Home (aka the Week’s Lowest Vote-Getter)
Lillie McCloud (because apparently America still doesn’t like seeing contestants, even fiftysomething contestants, sass Simon)
And then it was time for us to collectively realize Restless Road will be in this thing to the bitter end — no matter how badly they mangle their harmonies/as long as they keep painting on their Wranglers.
Sent to Safety (“IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER!”)
Alex & Sierra (OK, I’ll still watch next week)
Restless Road (¡ay dios mio!)
Singing for Survival
Rion Paige: Pink’s “Perfect” — Grade: C- | Oh yikes. That was less than, less than perfect. Obviously emotions percolated up through Rion’s voice — I thought she might burst into tears on the word “mistreated” — but taking her youthful charm out of the equation, that was kind of a mess.
Josh Levi: Bruno Mars’ “When I Was Your Man” — Grade: B+ | Josh looked a little panicked by his Bottom 2 predicament, too, but definitely hit the bulk of his notes, despite pulling punches on a couple of ad-libs.
Let’s be honest here, too. Josh deserves additional bonus points for having to endure the following introduction from his mentor PowPow Rubio: “I’m gonna present the only one: The suave, the lover, the rico…the Carlito Olivero!”
Why somebody in the production booth didn’t cue the sound of the needle across the record is beyond my comprehension. Instead, all we got was Mario excusing it by noting, “Paulina made an innocent mistake.” Maybe next week she’ll accidentally mentor the Over 25s. Pow!
Demi: Votes to send home Josh
Paulina: Votes to send home Rion
Kelly: Votes to send home Rion
Simon: Votes to send home Josh
What did it all mean? DEADLOCK! The decision went back to the public, and the act with the lowest number of votes turned out to be…
Absurd! Josh gave one of the tightest, most charismatic performances this week — and one of the most inventive last Wednesday. Rion should’ve been taking the bus back home — or even better, Restless Road. That’s my take anyway…
What did you think of X Factor Top 8 results? Sound off down in the comments! And for all my reality TV recaps, news, exclusives and videos, follow me on Twitter @MichaelSlezakTV!Follow @MichaelSlezakTV