In Memoriam: Family Guy's Brian Griffin

Brian Griffin Killed Off Family GuyDoggone it. We had no idea how much we really loved Family Guy boozehound Brian Griffin until last night when — sniff — the Fox cartoon killed him off. (And in a spectacularly brutal hit-’n’-run, no less.)

Now that we know we’ll miss him, what will we miss most about Peter’s BFF and Stewie’s constant coconspirator? For starters, there’s the fact that:

RELATED | Family Guy Crossover Will Introduce the Griffins to The Simpsons in Fall 2014!

• Brian was an underdog with the can-do attitude of a top dog. So, although the aspiring writer produced more misses (the novel Faster Than the Speed of Love) than hits (the self-help bestseller Wish It, Want It, Do It), his pursuit of a literary career remained admirably, um, dogged.

• Brian got more “tail” than John Mayer. A lasting relationship may have eluded the stud, but, when he was unleashed, he managed to score with everyone from iconic supermodel Cheryl Tiegs to Quagmire’s father, Ida. Heck, this past Valentine’s Day, he even wound up in bed with not one of his exes but all of them! Beat that, Charlie Sheen.

BLIND ITEM | Hit Series Poised to Kill Off Star

• Brian had the class of a purebred. Yeah, yeah, he was always tipsy. However, while the rest of Quahog was getting soused on beer, their four-legged drinking buddy was swilling martinis like he was on a lunch  break from Sterling Cooper. (Then again, he was also kind of a pothead — in fact, it was his affinity for weed that allowed him to bond with his illegitimate stoner son, Dylan. Call this one a draw, then?)

brian dead family guy• Brian never (completely) lost his doggy adorability. As human — and, therefore, as flawed — as he was, he retained many of the canine traits that send us into fits of puppy love. One minute, he could be eloquently extolling the virtues of environmentalism, and the next, he could be freaking out because Lois has turned on the vacuum cleaner. (Is this not the definition of “well-rounded”?)

In conclusion, we can’t believe the show did it. We’re sorry they did it. And good luck, Vinny. At least, being one-sixteenth cat, he should have (slightly) more than one life to lose.