AHS: Coven Recap: Dangerous Liaisons

American Horror Story: CovenIn this week’s American Horror Story: Coven, five (not two, four or six but five) characters get lucky, two characters’ luck runs out, and we get what could well go down in television history as the creepiest seduction ever. Read on if you dare as I eulogize “The Dead”…

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SAX SELLS | Picking up more or less where their “chance” meeting last week left off, Fiona has accompanied the Axeman back to his place. Well, to someone’s place. (The corpse of the previous tenant is lying in a pool of his own blood in the tub.) But it isn’t the smooth operator’s homicidal tendencies that prompt her to call off their one-night stand, it’s the discovery that her hair is falling out. Fast. To save face and beat a hasty retreat, she disses him and then herself, saying she’s a wretched creature that he’s better off not knowing. Pshaw — “love transforms,” he argues, finally sealing the deal with an elaborate sax/sex analogy. The morning after, when Fiona again pulls away, the Axeman reveals that he’s been watching over her since she was 8. (And, given that his ghost had been trapped at Miss Robichaux’s for decades, he certainly had a bird’s-eye view.) Over time, he says — clearly not hearing how skeevy this all sounds — his interest in her went from fatherly to lustful. Curiously, Fiona doesn’t hear how skeevy this all sounds, either. She’s too focused on the fact that he saw her grow old to care about the fact that he saw her grow up. “What was this,” then, she hisses before storming out, “a mercy lay?” In her mind, their fling is clearly over. However, in the rest of her, it clearly isn’t. That night, as she’s about to buzz off her hair, a sax note stops her in her tracks, and before you can say Kenny G, the clipper’s turned off, and she’s turned on.

THREE’S ALLOWED | While FrankenKyle struggles not only with his reanimation but also with the realization that he’s comprised of all of his former frat brothers’ bits and bobs, Madison — in a particularly eloquent monologue — laments her inability to feel. Anything. (We even see her attempting to burn a reaction out of herself. Nada.) However, the starlet’s never-say-die attitude finally pays off when she lets her fellow stiff hump her against a wall. (Does it count as necrophilia if both of the participants are recently deceased?) Needless to say, Zoe is unthrilled to walk in on her bestie and her crush doing the nasty. But she has bigger cauldrons to stir. She’s just learned from Cordelia — who learned it from one of her visions — that Fiona killed Madison, and if the Supreme suspects that Zoe’s a potential successor… Well, as Cordie puts it, “If she even thinks you’re next, you’re next.” (Yikes.) The blind sorceress’ solution? Murder her mother. “Kill her once, kill her good, kill her dead.” Funny how the solution is never “group hug.” Later, wanting further proof that Fiona poses a threat, Zoe — having discovered Spalding’s enchanted tongue in her closet (yeesh!) — puts it back in his mouth and forces him to admit that Fiona, not he, slit Madison’s throat. Mission accomplished, she stabs him in the chest. (An iffy move if you ask me: She just killed the butler who would’ve cleaned up the mess!) Shortly thereafter, Madison catches Zoe getting out of the shower, and — deducing that even her killer vajayjay can’t harm the already-semi-dead Kyle — offers her gal pal a sorry-I-stole-your-would-be-boyfriend gift: a ménage à trois! So maybe a group hug sometimes IS the solution!

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PAYBACK’S A BITCH | Though early on in the hour, Queenie and her slave bond over Supersized Frostop burgers, Delphine makes the mistake of suggesting that the voodoo doll will never be accepted by the other girls at Miss Robichaux’s because she’s black. “Black as coal,” to be specific. This not only makes Queenie wonder, it also makes her wander… all the way over to Marie Laveau’s. She’s welcome to join their crew, Marie says, and she should. “Voodoo doll,” she suggests, “belong in the house of voodoo.” But, of course, there’s a price: She has to bring Delphine to Marie. Unsure of whether she can go through with that, Queenie asks her frenemy what’s the worst thing she ever did. One anecdote about a slave’s slaughtered baby’s blood being used in her beauty regimen later, and boom! Queenie’s sure. So by episode’s end, it’s Delphine’s blood that Marie is applying to her own face as part of HER beauty regimen.

Okay, your turn. What did you think of the episode? I was blown away by the speech that Brad Falchuk wrote for Madison. (“Most people never get over stuff like” being gang-raped, she noted. “I was like, ‘Let’s go for Jamba Juice.”) Really digging Fiona and the Axeman, too. So film noir! And giddy with anticipation of the Rambo style assault on Miss Robichaux’s that Hank is obviously planning… So hoping they turn ol’ Jughead into a toad! And you? Hit the comments!

Comments are monitored, so don’t go off topic, don’t frakkin’ curse and don’t bore us with how much your coworker’s sister-in-law makes per hour. Talk smart about TV!

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  1. shuayb says:

    Guess Nan was right. Zoe will find love with FrankenKyle. Lol. Lavuex is irritating and a self righteous witch. I hope Zoe kills her good and dead. She’s worse than Fiona or anyone.

    • Me34 says:

      LOL. I think Laveau is way much more sympathetic than most of the characters (I don’t even have a doubt about it). Or the the writers are really good at making her the villain or the fandom is really effed up supporting LaLaurie. At some point I can feel compassion for all the characters including LaLaurie, but I’d be lying if I didn’t find her irredeemable. Or it could be the fact that both Bassett and Bates are terrific at portraying them. Anyway, I want Myrtle’s revenge on Fiona so bad. She had to deal with her much more time than Madison did. Also, I’m the only one noticing how great Gabourey Sidibe has been? I hope they bring her back next season.
      And I hope Jessica Lange gets the Emmy next year. I’ve been liking her Fiona this season so much more than her Constance and Sister Jude (and I really liked those performances), but the whole cast has been really really good.

  2. Robby Horine says:

    Sorry, when someone brings up ‘Cordie’, I think of Charisma Carpenter.

  3. Christian says:

    Shocked at Fiona and the Axman. Cant wait to see how Hanks assassination attempt fails.

  4. I really hated queenie turning over Delphine… I dunno really why yet since I just finished watching but I know i hated it lol I felt sadness more so than anything Delphine was growing on me and seemed like she wanted to make an effort to change..

  5. Britta Unfiltered says:

    I don’t think I noticed the film noir aspect until you mentioned it. I can see that now. That was an awesome observation.

  6. Jeremy says:

    Don’t get me wrong. I love the showm but somehow it’s painfully slow this season.

  7. Annie says:

    OK am I the only one who thought, as soon as Axeman made his confession that he’d been watching her all that time and that he’d thrown the bookcase on the bully, that HE was responsible for Fiona being able to perform all the Supreme-worthy deeds? That she really wasn’t the Supreme all along? Then in the very next scene Zoe hisses to Spalding “She’s not your Supreme” … true, she was emphasizing the “your” part, to imply Spalding was never part of the coven, but it seemed like an anvil-sized hint to me. Maybe I’m wrong.

    • Laura says:

      You might be on to something there. That would be a great twist.

      • Mel says:

        Sorry Laura, that’s wrong. We’ve already been told how Fiona is/why she is the Supreme. She’s raised the dead(resurgence), telekinetic, pyrokinetic, transmutation, telepathic, mental persuasion, and one other we have yet to see (the 7 wonders).

    • the girl says:

      That’s worth considering, but I’m sure most of her powers were hers and had nothing to do with him. For one, he was trapped in the house, so she had to have her own powers to do the things she did when she wasn’t connected to the Academy. Also, in that first scene, she was very young, and it appears that powers are revealed one at a time, gradually. Lastly, who might have been the Supreme all this time if she wasn’t?

      • Annie says:

        Excellent question … I’m probably reading too much into it (but dang that would have been one mother of a twist). But we already saw that “she might be the Supreme/no she isn’t” thing with Madison, so it wasn’t that far out there to think Fiona might have been set up by Axeman. Alternatives – Myrtle would have been the obvious candidate, but since we currently see witches being surprised by what they can do, it wouldn’t be that far of a stretch for someone else to have other powers but just not know it yet.

    • MLO says:

      As written, she’s been away from the coven for a long time – supposedly with all her witchy powers intact, whereas the Axeman was restricted to the school. So, no. her powers would not come from him.

    • clearhaven says:

      Sounds possible but then again, it isn’t. Fiona was able to bring a still-born back to life in the last two episodes, and she was no where near home(i.e. the axeman wasn’t near by). She’s supreme SUPREME lol

  8. Leo says:

    Madison’s monologue and Axeman’s sax/sex analogy are some of the finest writing I’ve seen.
    So glad Emma Roberts’s character didn’t bite the dust the first time.
    Queenie’s defection didn’t make sense since Nan and Zoe had been nothing but nice to her. So is Delphine, Cordelia and even freaking Fiona is good to her.
    Fiona/Axeman is a deadly combo. Will love to see them both off-ing Hank or Marie.

  9. Ruby says:

    I am not as crazy about this season as I have been previous ones. Everything is very discombobulated and storylines are started and abandoned too quickly. Also, Jessica Lange’s character is an utter bore.

  10. Brigitte says:

    I really enjoyed the episode, but how can Madison, who was rotting away, be so eloquent but FrankenKyle can’t speak?

    • Mel says:

      Madison wasn’t re-composed of differing body parts ala FrankenKyle.

      • Faster says:

        But why can’t he speak or “function like a human” as Zoe said? I get that he’s made up of different parts but his head and brain are presumably intact. It doesn’t seem like having different arms and legs would affect your cognitive or speaking abilities. I’ll just chalk it up to being American Horror Story, I guess.

    • RicFule says:

      Who revived FrankenKyle? Zoe, in her apparent first use of Resurgence.

      And who revived Madison? Misty and Zoe working together. And Misty had already revived the dead bird, Herself, 2 gators/crocs, AND Myrtle. {Even though we haven’t seen the fully revived Myrtle in the show proper. Seen her in previews, but that’s another story.}

      Maybe it’s just the fact that Misty’s original power is Resurgence and so she’s better with it. Or it’s “The more you work with it, the better it gets.”

      What I want to know is if it’s actually the swamp mud that’s so good about the healing, or if it’s Misty’s Resurgence leaking out. Has she ever healed an injury of someone alive with the mud? Or has it all been dead people? What would you say FrankenKyle was when she put the mud on his scars?

  11. Amy says:

    I’m confused how Kyle was so messed up about how is mother treated him and sexually abused him that he even smacked the picture of the bed across the wall. However, he immediately has sex with Madison and then is totally okay with having a threesome after. I just thought that didn’t make any sense.

    • Mel says:

      Madison has some level of mental persuasion power (remember Fiona took her for a test drive on the town) along with her body resembling Zoe’s. That and Kyle realizes Madison is formerly deceased like himself.

    • MLO says:

      He was formerly dead, recently resurrected, comprised of ‘bits o guy’, and the fact that he’s messed up confuses you?

      • RicFule says:

        No. She’s not confused about why he’s messed up. She’s confused as to how FrankenKyle is getting it on in the first place. Remember, after he returned to Misty’s, when she was bathing him, he went ballistic after she reached her hand under the water. So, he’s not liking anything potentially related to sex. So, why is he performing with Madison in the first place, much less Madison-&-Zoe?

  12. Teresa says:

    So here’s my latest thought, based on the fact that he knocked over the hutch in the kitchen when Fiona was 8, what if it was the Ax Man who killed Madison and not Fiona. Fiona looked a little surprised when it happened and was trying to get Madison to kill her. So, what do you think?

    • MLO says:

      Did she look the least bit surprised or shocked or regretful as she sat so serenely in the chair afterward? Nope. She merely noted the coven didn’t need a new supreme – just a new rug. So, no, don’t think he had anything to do with it.

    • Faster says:

      I don’t think I’d say the Axeman had anything to do with her surprise, but I definitely noticed it. I thought at the time that her power had surprised her again, but that might be an interesting question to explore.

    • clearhaven says:

      Hmmm…Interesting point you got there. I remember the shock on her face

  13. abz says:

    I love Jessica Lange/Fiona but this Season is ALL about Angela Bassett/Marie for me. She is what I look forward to seeing week after week. I want badass Fiona back. She’s been getting very meh and whiny these past few episodes.
    Can they get rid of this Axeman already? I really dislike the character and his scenes are so boring.

  14. Sarah says:

    This episode was written and directed so well, and the acting was beyond amazing. Angela is to me the show stealer. Jessica is her usual fantastic, paired great with the Axeman. Cordelia is brilliant, love her. Zoe is good, Madison really came alive (lol the pun), loved the monolog and her scene with Kyle (not the banging one). Queniee hasn’t been growing on me, but this week I really felt her.
    All in all a great episode, sucks that we have to wait 2 weeks for the next!

  15. Gabriela says:

    I so so so love this season.

  16. team zoe &kyle says:

    I was soo disappointed when Madison got to bang kyle first I was really loving the idea of zoe and Kyle having this strange unexpected love like nan said in the first episode or second either way Madison needs to go somewhere n let kyle n zoe be together without her in the middle

  17. Susan Harris says:

    This has to have been the MOST boring episode of the whole series!!

  18. Kasi says:

    I LOVES all the comments I just read. Glad to see that everyone else is obsessing as much as I am. I have NO IDEA what’s coming down the pipe, but I believe I wouldn’t be so excited for the next episode if I did. I read an interview with the writers and they hinted that Kyle will be restored to ssomething closer to human so we will have all of our questions answered. Can’t wait!!!!

  19. Brenda says:

    I never miss an ep. I love this show…and how Kathy Bates can make you feel sympathy for her…Knowing she was such a wretched person…even to her own kids…lol….speaks to her acting ability. I love the way they weave history into the show.

  20. RicFule says:

    So. When does Zoe learn how NOT to kill her lovers? Episode one, after Charlie dies, Zoe’s mother tells her, ” Your great-grandmother had the same genetic affliction.” Now, I suppose the “affliction” could just be witchcraft, but I took it to mean that she had the Black Widow powers as well. And if the great-grandmother WAS a Black Widow, there has to be some way to not kill the lovers.

    It had to be before the time of IVF, so I doubt any secondary method of having a child is a factor: IVF, surrogate, etc.

  21. PinkJoy says:

    OMGoodness this article is hilarious! I loveeee it!!!

  22. Sherrie says:

    Gotta say, asylum seemed to be much more structured for me, I’m still loving the show but it seems to fall a bit flat in ways of shocking me. This could be because i study films and how they draw in an audience in college but asylum was just, captivating. Coven is lacking that..
    I loved Violet and Tate in murder house but its stale and off putting to make them lovers again, it’s a shame really..
    Also, Zoe is a necropheliac now too which oddly I’m fine with since it’s American horror story but why can’t they have a main lesbian couple rather than a straight one?
    Gay characters are awesome and all but when there’s only hetro relationships going on then it seems to be falling short on the point.
    I’d love for Nan or misty to be supreme and for Zoe to get with ether Maddison or Misty.
    I don’t like the axeman ether, however I’m conflicted about Delphine. I want to forgive her, I also want her to
    suffer, when I see her suffer, I wanna save her.. It’s so weird but so funny to see her reactions to modern day technology.
    A few things that’s happened i saw coming from a mile off, that’s sorta ruining the immersion aspect for me.
    Overall it’s the 2nd best season for me and I’m looking forward to seeing how it all plays out. Teenage Fiona is really badass too

  23. imaginaryenemy says:

    LaLaurie kills one baby and she’s deemed irredeemable, yet Marie kills a baby once a year (so a few hundred then) and took part in murdering Nan, and she’s still glorified and beloved as a character? Makes sense.

    Also, are we just not gonna talk about Spalding dressing up as a living doll in an attic full of porcelain dolls with Madison’s body also dressed as a doll? Wtf is with the doll obsession? It just seems so random haha.