Revenge Recap: Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Revenge Season 3In Sunday’s Revenge, Victoria decides that she can’t go another day without her beloved Green Arrow… er, Patrick. (And honestly, can ya blame her?) But, as any sane person would expect, when she introduces her long-lost, newfound son to the pack of wolves that she calls a family, they mistake him for the entrée and dive in with knives sharpened. Does he last until dessert? Read on and find out!

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FRESH MEAT | While Daniel and Conrad pick at Patrick (the former questioning whether he’s a fraud, the latter mocking his freelance art career), Emily takes advantage of the distraction to poison the Grayson patriarch’s drink. (Wait, he hasn’t gotten a second opinion regarding his Huntington’s diagnosis yet? Or a better bartender?) Of course, by the time Conrad has revealed that it was Mommie Dearest who years ago sent Frank (RIP) to pay Patrick to stay away, she seems about ready to poison him herself! The next day, Emily “thoughtfully” offers Patrick a chance to bend her ear. But, well-versed in her history with Victoria, he declines. Emphatically. (You can just see Emily thinking, “That didn’t work? What? I smiled, didn’t I?”)

TRUE LIES | Meanwhile, Victoria proceeds with caution in her alliance with Aiden, noting, “I don’t usually trust people who tell me exactly what I want to hear.” (Patrick notwithstanding.) So the Hamptons’ answer to James Bond produces the deed to Nolan’s posh new pad – with Emily’s name on it – in one fell swoop proving not only that he’s on the up and up but also that, as he asserts, the dynamic duo are responsible for the theft of the Graysons’ fortune.

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SHE BANGS | Though the new, take-no-prisoners Charlotte continues to glare at Patrick and even calls out Emily for repeating her assumption that Victoria had a lover, she maintains a soft (blind?) spot where Conrad is concerned. That is, until she admits to Jack that she blames herself for Declan’s death (and her own subsequent miscarriage), and he comforts her by revealing that her “father” knew about the bomb that killed her babydaddy. Armed with this painful knowledge, she hisses at Conrad, “You deserve to die miserable and alone.”

SAVE A PRAYER | Emily mortifies Victoria by enlisting Father Paul to officiate at her and Daniel’s wedding – before he worked for the Lord, he worked for Grayson Global, you see. (Cue the red Sharpie in 3, 2… ) When Nolan’s research suggests that maybe Paul doesn’t deserve to be taken down, that maybe he really has become a good man, Emily has a major snit fit and reminds him, “My father was a better man!” Just when she realizes that Nolan is right, it’s too late – she’s already ruined Paul. But no biggie. She’ll just go all Olivia Pope on the sitch, fix it and then use him to get a Conrad to confess!

AND AWAY OUI GO | Yearning for a more creative job (since when, exactly?), Daniel tries to impress upon Margaux what a fantabulous partner he’d be for her as she launches the American version of Voulez. And apparently she’s impressed by something, because the next thing ya know, her clothes are off! But, we learn later, Daniel didn’t seal the deal (that way), despite the fact that it so looked like he was gonna. Instead, he says yes, he’ll be her publisher, but only if their HQ can be in Montauk.

Okay, your turn. What did you think of the episode? My favorite line was Victoria’s to Emily: “You’re kind to pour sugar on that wound.” Liking the new PTSD (Padma Tyler Sexual Damage) Nolan, too, whether he’s boffing strangers or being regifted his own blueberry muffins. Anyway, hit the comments…