American Idol: 10 Bold, Completely Original, Randy Jackson-Free Fixes to Revive Season 13

AMERICAN IDOL 2014Oh how I wish I could yell “April Fools!” But instead, I’m just yelling, “FOOL!”

Yes, folks, American Idol‘s new executive producer Per Blankens is seriously thinking about bringing back departing judge Randy Jackson to take over as Season 13 mentor, replacing Jimmy Iovine.

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The fact that Blankens thinks there’s an Idol fan on the planet who wants yet another year of “Yo, yo, yos” and “For me for yous” from TV’s human barnacle is a troublesome indicator that he’s as befuddled as a Kardashian sister faced with the question, “Would you like us to turn off the cameras?” I mean, at this rate, Fox and Fremantle media might’ve been better off hiring a blanket — yes, I mean a thick, rectangular piece of wool fabric — instead of Blankens. (At least the blanket wouldn’t have been able to utter the Avada Kedavra-esque, “Let’s get Randy’s agent on the line.”)

Anyhow, since the return of the Dawg — as well as Jennifer “Hi, baby!” Lopez — seems about as likely to reverse Idol‘s ratings slide as, say, trying out a Senior-Citizens Only season, I feel like we need to rally the Idoloonie Nation and suggest some real, actionable steps that Blankens & Co. can take to draw eyeballs back to The House That Kelly Clarkson Built. I know, I know…”real, actionable steps” is never going to win out over “quick, surface fixes,” but indulge me by clicking through these 10 slides anyway, won’t you? When you’re done reading, hit the comments with your own suggestions — as long as they don’t include, oh, getting Ellen DeGeneres back on the panel, too.

Comments are monitored, so don’t go off topic, don’t frakkin’ curse and don’t bore us with how much your coworker’s sister-in-law makes per hour. Talk smart about TV!

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  1. Rob says:

    I love all 10 of your ideas! Would be awesome if Fox/AI implemented any or all of them!

  2. Alex says:

    Bad auditions never stop being funny.

  3. Liti Veikoso says:

    please keep the bad auditions at least they are entertaining :D

  4. HTGR says:

    Ugh! After they got rid of Randy and especially Nigel, I thought they finally got it. Now it’s clear it was all just desperate stunts meaning nothing. Sure JLo was good, at first, but she was awful for the last half and whether it is because she simply wasn’t as good as we first thought from the auditions or because Nigel and co. told her to start toeing the line, it’s bad either way. Either she is bad or a total sell out (and yes I know it’s hard to turn down $5-20 million, but still come on, she is filthy rich and should have at least an ounce of integrity and anyway if she can sell out and take her $15 mil or whatever they we can sure as heck bitch about her in return, if you sell out for $15 mil you can’t complain when the heat gets turns on you).

    Basically the things Randy and JLo did are what pushed the show from typical manipulated reality TV to totally jumping the shark level of manipulation. S10 was just dirty pool. Dirty, dirty pool. And for what? A worse story line than the one that was trying to naturally build and the complete loss of any remaining credibility for the show.

    Again maybe they were manipulated into it, but if people that rich can be that easily manipulated why the heck should we trust them this time just because Nigel is gone? Do they even deserve the chance?? Maybe if they publicly spoke out and apologized for the fake sham judging, but now way the show could risk letting them do that since it’d just sink the show even more. So they can’t go that route, but they could go the route of just letting them both stay gone and bringing the show back to the more innocent, fair degree more honest original season.

    Anyway maybe part of me is glad since it’s less time watching TV anyway. I’m definitely not watching if these stories are true, that they are back.

  5. CAS says:

    I’ve said it before (year after year after year) and I’ll keep saying it until it is done or the show is off the air: LIMIT THE VOTING!!!!! And I agree with an earlier person who said they disagree with #6. I really enjoy hearing different takes on the same song. Some songs are over done, but I’ve enjoyed every rendition I’ve heard of “I Who Have Nothing”. (Jordin’s was still the best!) Maybe you could set a limit of three or four times and then remove it from the list.

  6. asherlev1 says:

    I’m almost crying with desperation at how badly I want all of these changes to be enacted. Sighs.

  7. Maya says:

    Actually, Idol should just hire you to be the producer.