Mistresses Recap: Come as You Are...As a Friend, as an Old Enemy

Mistresses-Recap-Indecent-ProposalsO! M! Gooooooood!

Wait, no, that was bad! Bad, I tell ya! I mean, just about everybody on this week’s Mistresses went completely cray-cray: Karen got drrrty (hold the “i” and add two extra r’s) with the son of her deceased former patient/lover — or, from a different perspective, the son of the crazy beyotch who’s trying to turn her existence into a Lifetime innocent-woman-behind-bars flick. Richard unleashed his inner caveman (and not in the exciting kind of way that leaves April marking down the price on her showroom furniture).  And Savi casually let Dom into her house not once, but twice — then was all “D’oh!” after Harry caught them in flagrante retail-ico and threw down his wrench (not a euphemism) in disgust.

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Heck, Joss was the only one of our four protagonists this week who didn’t have true cahoots happening — despite a joy ride in a DeLorean and a trip to a kinky burlesque club where the dancers proved easier to take home than discounted Kias over President’s weekend.

Anyhow, let’s cut to this week’s shenanigans — and then delve into key questions that loomed as the episode came to its conclusion.

KAREN | We shake up our regular recap order this week and start things off by discussing Karen, who got her psychiatry degree from the University of Terrible Life Decisions at Berkeley. Karen kicks off the week railing against Savi for not returning her calls — when she’s well aware that Tom’s widow Elizabeth, who’s wrongfully suing Karen for wrongful death, is a client of Savi’s firm. (SMDH.) Not only does girlfriend reject Savi’s offer to recommend a good attorney, she then proceeds to allow her recent stalker (aka Elizabeth’s son) Sam into her office to discuss details of the case and her inexplicable lack of representation. Cut to: Some hot lawyer lady showing up after business hours and declaring, “Karen, I am your father attorney!” And Karen doesn’t ask about hourly rates or if Hot Lawyer Lady might be an undercover operative for Elizabeth or why she didn’t bother to maybe pick up the phone and call in advance. Nope, instead Karen freely admits she’s got no alibi for the night of Tom’s death. By the time Karen gets home, she’s in such a tailspin that I’m surprised she doesn’t decide to bypass the front door and just drive her car directly into the living room. But perhaps just as preposterously, when she sees Sam just, oh y’know, chillin’ outside her front door, she doesn’t call 9-1-1, but rather invites him inside. AND NOT JUST INSIDE HER APARTMENT — IF I AIN’T BEING TOO SUBTLE. Turns out Sam is the one who hired Hot Lawyer Lady. Sam is willing to provide Karen with an alibi. Damn, Sam (just like everybody else on this show) is lookin’ hotter than a scotch-bonnet pepper on a jalapeño puree. And then Karen touches Sam’s face — strange what desire (or a stalker in shining armor) can make foolish people do. And Sam goes right for the neck, and clothes start coming off, and Karen’s one step closer to an orange jump suit.

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Key questions: If Karen needed some hot, inappropriate booty, why not call on her business partner Jacob or that hot insurance investigator or even April’s back-from-the-dead-and-living-in-a-motel hubby? Oh, I know, that last option is wronger than the phrase “Oscar Winner Kim Kardsashian,” but at least there’s no chance Paul might be secretly connecting intel for Elizabeth. Then again, is Karen smarter than I’m giving her credit for? Is she sleeping with Sam to guarantee his loyalty and put herself in a power position against Elizabeth? If so, she sure managed to go from zero to Cinemax-after-hours in about 30 seconds flat, no? (SIDE NOTE: Was Karen making “ecstacy face” or was it “the things I gotta do for an alibi!” face?) And is Sam really into Karen or his he a really sick pawn in his really sick mommy’s sick, twisted game? Speaking of sick and twisted, here’s a true confession: I was kinda rooting for the hookup by the time Karen and Sam were sitting there on the couch, and let out an involuntary “GRRRRRRLLLLLLL!” when the lip-locking began. (There, now you can admit it, too.)

SAVI | Savi kicks off the week lamenting the plinking of her shower, falling asleep on her office couch and getting the cold shoulder from Harry, who tells her she’s gonna have to learn how to do her own home repairs. Dom, meanwhile, steps into the role of “supportive and extremely muscular shoulder on which to lean,” delivering Savi’s brief case when she leaves it at her desk, talking her through her fears about being a single mom and even taking her to the mall for some down time, some food and some baby-furniture shopping. (Side note: Is there a human being alive who has ever sipped a frozen lemonade as sensuously as Dom?) Alas, though, when Savi and Dom get back to her house laden with the spoils of their day out, Harry’s there, having just fixed that stubborn faucet drip. “I have the worst timing in history,” Savi sighs as she watches her hubby make a hasty exit. But at least she has the good sense to ask Dom to go, too. And then a funny thing happens to the gal who allowed her chivalrous/possibly domineering spouse to open all the mail and fix all the household messes and do all the grocery shopping: She takes the crib out of the box and assembles it all herself. Yeah, sometimes a Sundvik is just a Sundvik, but in this case, it might just be Chapter 1 in a new book called How Savi Got Her Groove Back.

Key questions: How much did you love when Joss bumped into Dom and told him she’ll always wear a #TeamHarry t-shirt? And how innnnteresting was it the way Dom didn’t try to deny his feelings or his agenda, but rather declared, “Life’s a negotiation, and I’m a damn good lawyer.” And finally, this is more a reprimand than a question, but Savi, your office window has blinds, lady, so why don’t you close them before you try to catch some ZZZs in the middle of the workday! (Sorry, pregnancy brain is not a valid excuse in this situation.)

JOSS | A quiet week for Joss: Olivier asks for her help in convincing a kinky swinger couple that L.A. is the right market for their real-estate needs; Joss plans a hot evening out to help Olivier close the deal, but stops short of attending in order to spend quality time with Alex; Alex gets sick and Joss ends up dazzling said couple with a night at the burlesque club (with an excellent choice of Gin Wigmore’s “Black Sheep” blaring over the speakers; and Olivier responds by giving the clients to Joss, then inviting her back to his place for a nightcap. “No,” says Joss, who’s really trying to make this relationship thing work as magically as her orchid-colored date-night bustier. “Merci.”

Key questions: Is there a chance Joss might cave in to Olivier’s French charms? Is Olivier really into Joss, or is he still remembering his lustful feelings for Alex after their elevator encounter? If Joss is as good at her job as she appears, why is she always crashing on people’s couches or guest houses instead of buying a home of her own? And how adorbs was Joss’ childhood fantasy about sharing a dive-y NYC bachelorette pad with her big sis?

APRIL | After The Artist Formerly Known as April’s Dead Husband shows up outside Lucy’s school hoping to catch a glimpse of the daughter he left behind, April erupts. “Go back to your family in Florida,” she seethes, “You’ve got no family here.” Still, when she admits to Richard she’s not sure her tough talk worked, the chivalrous and adorable beau decides to take matters into his own hands — a decision that leads to a fist fight, and Paul’s subsequent decision to buy a GUN! (I’ll admit: Any dude who can lead a double life with two families, fake his own death, then breeze back into town and make actual demands about what he wants from his “widow” is pretty damn scary. Pair him with a side order of firearms, and I’m kinda terrified.) Anyhow, April tries to patch up the situation — while still getting Paul out of town — by allowing him to view a photo album of Lucy’s post-Paul existence. Whether or not said olive branch comes back to swat her in the head remains to be seen, but my guess is that that revolver wasn’t a red herring in disguise.

Key questions: Was April right to be angry with Richard, or should she have been thankful for his intervening? At what point in this situation would it be wise for April to call the police — or is the idea of having to give back that insurance money (and maybe losing her store in the process) too big a risk to take?

Week’s Best Quotes
“Kind of like Ricky Ricardo but with a different accent.” –Savi, describing Harry’s attitude toward her doing things around the house

“I could smell your Acqua Di Gio from two decades away.” –Joss, explaining how she knew Olivier was behind her

“Just so you know, I will never wear your t-shirt.” –Joss, telling Dom she’s on #TeamHarry

“Sorry, I forgot to go food shopping — for like the last six years.” –Savi, explaining her tragic fridge contents to Dom

“Michael J. Fox is a delight, no?” –Olivier, describing his un-ironic love of his DeLorean

“How did I get here? I can’t believe this is happening.” –Karen, clearly suffering from a bump on the noggin

OK, for the TENTH straight week, I’ve passed the 1,000-word count on an article about MISTRESSES! Let me turn it over to you: What’d you think of the show this week? What key questions do you have? Sound off in the comments! And follow me on Twitter for all my recaps, commentary and exclusive clips!

Comments are monitored, so don’t go off topic, don’t frakkin’ curse and don’t bore us with how much your coworker’s sister-in-law makes per hour. Talk smart about TV!

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28 Comments
  1. phi says:

    Michael…. I loved your recap. Simply… thank you!!!

  2. Nerwen Aldarion says:

    Keep them up, they make me laugh week after week

  3. Mika02 says:

    Great recap!
    Love the show but please put Karen out of her Misery and kill her she is so DUMB!!! Team Dom but I respect Joss on that. And April was wrong Richard was very right.

  4. Dannii says:

    I was wondering the same thing, about why Savi didn’t close the blinds. So sexy Dominic is trying to slip his way into Savi heart. Dominic I object, I like you, but supportive baby dad is not a role I see him playing, maybe some hot sex when Savi needs it later down in her pregnancy that’s it.

    Karen to me is some how off her meds or something?! Sam would be the last person in the world I would think she would have sex with, I was hoping hot sexy insurance investigator would be making an appearance, but we will see. You would think a lawsiut would slap some sense in her, she needs therapy herself.

    Joss, kudos, I’m glad that you didn’t sleep with your boss, just get another hot sexy youngin and work it out….

    Ohhh April, April, April and Richard, why? I get it and don’t get it, I like that he wants to help his girl friend but you get in a fight with her presummed dead ex-husband and figured she would be glad. C’mon dude so know your role and know your place. Be April’s shoulder and all but toe the line.

    Can’t wait to see what happens next week.

    • James Butler says:

      Dannii; I couldn’t agree with you more. The only character in this week’s episode is Joss and maybe Harry for leaving without creating a scene. Savi didn’t try to stop Harry and than let’s Dom back. If she want to save her marriage she’s taking one step forward and two steps back. Richard was wrong for confronting Paul and not letting April know his intentions. He is dealing with his girlfriends (thought to be dead) husband. I am with Joss; Dom is not the best choice for Savi and Karen is STUPID.. Period!!!

  5. Cathy says:

    I think that on this recap, you should go over the 1,000 word count anytime you want. Loved it, excellent job!

  6. Chablis says:

    I didn’t watch this show but kept reading Michaels recaps. Hooked me. Love this trashy great show. ABC please renew.

  7. iammusic says:

    Michael, I always read your recaps before I watch the episode. Your description of Karen brought tears to my eyes from laughing – “psychiatry degree from the University of Terrible Life Decisions at Berkeley” – spot on! That chick is a hot mess and a half! I spend entire episodes, even parts where she’s not on screen, going “Karen WHATREYOUDOING?!?!”

  8. luli says:

    All recaps should be like this!

  9. My jaw dropped when Karen and Sam started getting cozy. He sounded really young for her, but at the same time, daaaaaamn. In regards to Joss and Olivier, I totally think that Mr. Boss has a huge thing for both Joss and her lady love. I smell a threesome in the making. Or would that be too scandalous for television?

  10. Margo says:

    Best recap ever! Especially Karens! LOL

  11. GeoDiva says:

    Karen has got to be the dumbest person on the planet! Who invites their suspected stalker inside their home? I about threw my remote at the tv. Ugh!

  12. Britta Unfiltered says:

    I don’t watch the show, but I do appreciate a good Nirvana reference. I just came to say that.

  13. mgsquared says:

    How stupid can Karen be? How did that woman get a doctorate in anything? This is getting ridiculous and unrealistic. She has multiple doctorates from the university of bad life decisions. Seriously.

  14. LaLa says:

    LMBAO! Michael! I’m trying to control myself at work – this recap was hilarious!” . . .wronger than the phrase “Oscar Winner Kim Kardsashian,”!!!!!! Hi-la-ri-ous!
    Oh my goodness – I love this show. Savi – Honestly, as much as I am for marriages working out and all that – Harry did tell Savi to fix that darn shower herself. He can’t have it both ways, either he’s in or out. And if he’s out – Dom has no problems stepping on in. Is that man not the sexiest piece of chocolate, that smile, that voice, that body – wooooo! April – I understand about the insurance money, but the longer she waits to report him, the worse it will be for her. It may already be too long – in the beginning, she had a chance to plead ignorance and maybe be allowed to slowly pay back the insurance money while keeping her store. There is just no way I can see this ending well, and now she’s probably lost Richard, too. Joss – Too cute. Keep rejecting Olivier, and he’ll continue the chase. Nothing a man loves more than having to chase you. Karen – I can’t even. I yelled at the TV, “GIRL, DON’T DO IT!” You think she listened? Idiota.

    • the girl says:

      Re: Savi and Harry. I completely agree with you. I can’t believe Harry had the nerve to be angry at Savi when he told her he didn’t have time for her and then said “you need to learn to do things on your own” which in my opinion, translates in relationship speak as “our marriage is over”. I actually think Dom could be a really good spouse and an excellent husband. Just ask Bailey on Grey’s. In other news, Karen is too dumb for words. I just can’t with her.

    • miynga says:

      Stop on with Harry and Dom! As for Karen…I mean, the only thing I could say all along was : Karen, Karen, karen, Karen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Who gave her a diploma? she cheated on her exams or what?!?!?!?!

  15. vallikat says:

    Karen is the biggest idiot in the history of idiots. I couldn’t get behind the sex no matter how sexy it was because all I could think was how impossibly stupid this woman is. You can see the wheels turning and you think there might be hope for a good decision but she picks the worse possible choice each and every time. I am so glad that Karen Kim is not my therapist!

    Also Dom needs to back off. He knows perfectly well that Savi’s intent is to try and save her mmarriage. He’s taking advantage of her in a vulnerable time and for me that’s a big turn-off. Yes Savi is a grown-up and yes she is allowing him to step in. Still I think he needs to give her space to see if her marriage is salvagable first.

    Richard? *sigh* Your intention was right but your method was all wrong!

    • James Butler says:

      Dom and Savi had a one night stand that cost her husband to sloop at his place of business and yet she continue to encourage Dom instead of trying to fix things with Harry. She’s as STUPID as Karen. These four friends really know how to live.

  16. John says:

    I must echo the comments listed here…..Dom is a snake in the grass….but apparently Savi likes snakes, agree with the person who while admiring Richard for protecting April,questioned whether slugging it out with Paul was the right way…..Karen,learn this phrase….conflict of interest…..and learn it quickly……Joss,why you lying to yourself….you like meaty…not kitty so stop leading on Alex

    All in all, a good show and i missed it for the two weeks it was on break…..tag line for next weeks episode”aftermath” as we’ll learn the aftermath for

    a)Karen and Sam’s steamy love night(While i’m not suprised this happened…in fact they came close a few episodes back…think episode where karen left her shades, it was still a stupid mistake)
    b) Would April appreciate Richard’s noble intent
    c) Is Savi’s marriage truly over now with how Harry walked in on then hanging out

    Bonus

    d) Who is the Father

  17. Saabgirlatx says:

    Great recap, as always. I thought this ep was a bit bleh compared to the others, or maybe it was that 3 weeks away was too long!! Anyway, agree about the blinds- thought that same thing although if she was just couching to read then I see where she may not have bothered. Karen, Karen, Karen! It’s just painful to see this going that way. The kid is college age (and frankly, not-cute-enough-to-ruin-my-life over IMO). It’s hard to toot for her when she can’t the obvious. Bring on the detective!!! I knew Alex would cancel as soon as joss said she had plans but I’m kinda tired of seeing joss be a cliché – wasn’t she sleeping with the previous boss??? She needs her own apartment to not bring people home to. April is making her situation Not-good by waiting to report her non-dead hubby… You know next up (or soon) will be a sighting by the daughter. Love love this show!!!

  18. Saabgirlatx says:

    Oops, meant hard to Root for her!!!

  19. Erika says:

    So… does anyone know who the artist of the Come As Your Are cover is?

  20. Hollieberi says:

    Um, did I miss Paul buying a gun in that episode? I swear I didn’t even leave the couch the whole time, but I don’t recall the Paul/gun portion of things?? Someone fill me in on when that happened?

    • MaX says:

      I missed the gun purchase too. Either way, my prediction that someone may make Paul’s faked death official may actually come true. The question is who will pull the trigger and will someone go down with him? Is poor Richard going to become a sacrificial lamb?

      Savi is an idiot. Dom is working an angle with her. #TeamHarry A solid landing from her improprieties is looking less likely each episode.

      Karen needs to be done already. For a highly educated individual, she checked her common sense at the door. The impending train wreck will be anticlimactic.

      April should have stood by Richard. I was pretty bummed that she exhibited similar cognitive deficiencies as her friends.

      Joss…needs to watch her back with Olivier. That smooth talker has something up his sleeve.

  21. Jennifer Haddo says:

    Um I never saw Paul buy a gun. What did I miss? I was totally waiting for Sam and Karen to hook up!

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