New Girl Recap: Doin' It and Doin' It Well

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New Girl Season 2 RecapNot so long ago, in circumstances far, far too embarrassing to brag about, New Girl‘s Jess, Nick, Schmidt and Winston lost their virginity. (So did Cece, but as you’ll see, she’s a special case.) And when a random text from Jess’ first lover gets the gang to ‘fess up about their first times doing the no-pants dance, we get a very funny episode full of gawky flashbacks and cringeworthy accounts – as well as a closing sequence sure to launch 1,000 GIFs. Let’s review who what went down in “Virgins.”

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JESS’ TALE: IF AT FIRST, YOU DON’T SUCCEED | Is it any surprise that the story of Jess’ deflowering turns into an epic poem full of failed attempts and a strummy guitar guy? The aforementioned missive from Teddy — the man who “took my flower,” she tells her pals – sparks a yarn that starts in a hotel room on Prom Night, 2000. There’s freak dancing, there’s Lisa Loeb’s “Stay” and there’s Jess’ homemade dress, a fake flower-bedecked, tulle affair that looks a Home Depot garden department and an A.C. Moore craft shop dislodged themselves from the strip mall one night, got a little crazy on some wine coolers and spawned a flowy monster.

When Jess’ date can’t extract her from her gown (because her mom sewed her into it), she urges him to “Just be a man and rip it off!,” which tosses a pail of cold water on the glowing embers of his adolescent libido. In the hotel hallway, she sadly sits on the floor (oh God, the dress even has a bunting) but perks up when a sexy dude with a guitar stops by and plays her a little “Stay.” (In the early 2000s, it was hard to go wrong with the Reality Bites soundtrack, am I right?) Guitar guy eventually wanders away, thanks to her date cutting his hand on some makeshift scissors. Jess’ attempts to bump uglies don’t come to fruition until she’s 22 and living in Los Angeles, when she and Cece happen to see guitar guy at the bar. (Side note: Jess’ snap judgment of her future roommies, who are also there, is awesome. So is Schmidt’s attempt to talk to Cece.)

Thanks to the lack of privacy in their respective living situations, Jess and guitar guy wind up getting it on in a plastic castle on a public playground later that night. He asks her to be patient with his performance, because he’s on antidepressants; two hours later, she reminisces, “it was like a windsock on a windless day.” They wind up half naked and stuck half in, half out of the castle’s tot-sized door; when it becomes clear that the man sleeping on the bench nearby is actually dead, the entire area turns into a crime scene inundated with law enforcement officials. Oh, and guitar guy realizes he’s gay while Jess is on top of him.

All is not lost, though, because a young firefighter frees them from the playset and then carries Jess to his truck. If you haven’t guessed by now, that firefighter is Teddy, who took Jess to Pleasuretown later that day and who, back in the present, wants to meet her for a drink later that night.

WINSTON’S TALE: CALL IN THE PROS | Winston’s “beautiful” story takes place in his teen years, when Nick’s Pop-Pop took the two boys on a trip to New York. (Yay! Dennis Farina!) One night at the hotel, Walt Miller buys Nick and Winston the company of two ladies of the evening — though Winston thinks his new friend “Mysteria” is a businesswoman. Though Nick is thoroughly freaked out by the idea of sleeping with Mysteria’s cohort Octopussy, the voluptuous call girl does become his first… drinking partner. While Winston basks in the afterglow, Nick ashamedly admits to his dad that he couldn’t go through with it. “You think too much about everything,” Walt consoles his son. “I just wanna make sure you don’t miss out on the things in life that happen when you’re not thinking… because, believe you me, those are the best things in life.” Aw, Pop-Pop! He also makes Nick swear not to tell Winston about Mysteria’s true calling until after he’s dead, and with good reason – when Nick spills the hooker beans in the present, his longtime buddy is crushed.

CECE’S TALE: IT’S A GAS, GAS, GAS | On the same prom night that Jess weeps in the hallway, Cece laments her own unbesmirched status down at the hotel bar. (Wearing, might I add, a one-sleeved dress with cutouts and an asymmetrical ‘do.) Mick Jagger happens to be sitting on a nearby stool: Short story short, he’s her first – the knowledge of which nearly causes Schmidt to implode as he screams “Game changer!” and (incorrectly) “Beatlemania!”

New Girl Season 2 RecapSCHMIDT’S TALE: A LITTLE DAB’LL DO YA | In the present, Schmidt’s preparing for a date with his college girlfriend Elizabeth. “I haven’t had sex with her since I was fat and accessing my penis was like getting the remote control out of the couch,” he informs his friends. Nice. And then we get to see their first “merging,” as he calls it in the flashback when he asks Nick for advice. You’re all acquainted with College Nick (granola hair, granola wardrobe, granola ‘stache) and Big Guy Schmidt (carrying the “freshman 50 and sophomore 50 and junior 100″ on his frame), but watching Schmidt ask his roomie for advice – not knowing that said roomie has already ingested psychedelic mushrooms – would be pretty funny even without the sight gags that are their costumes/prosthetics. Later, Schmidt and Elizabeth get down to business on the upper bunk without realizing that Nick, on a bad trip, is still sprawled on the bottom one. The neophytes use way too much lube, causing Schmidt to fly off the bed and land on top of Nick on the ground. A lot of physical comedy ensues, my favorite part of which is when Nick uses his head to support Schmidt’s cushy tush as it ascends the bunk-bed ladder.

NICK’S TALE: THAT WAS THEN… | In present day, the group disperses to head out for the evening, so only Jess hears Nick’s simple memory. “Allison Daniels, on a towel in the woods. I cried. She kept her bra on. It was nice.” Just then, Teddy texts again, and Jess asks Nick what he’s thinking; when he doesn’t answer, she leaves and gets in the elevator. But the soundtrack starts pumping Ellie Goulding’s “Anything Could Happen” and Nick’s arm stops the elevator doors from closing, so you know something huge is about to take place.

NICK’S TALE: … THIS IS NOW | “What are you doing?” Jess asks as Nick scoops her up in his arms, invoking memories of her first time (and, inadvertently, the Girls season finale – but I found this far more affecting/effective). “Let’s not think about it,” he says, eyes intent on her face. And so a montage of Schmidt and Elizabeth contemplating a sex toy, Cece and Shivrang deciding to put off consummation two more days and Winston and Daisy engaging in pre-flight nookie is capped by a sweaty-faced Nick and Jess in bed realizing they just had sex. Their faces go through a whole lot of emotions in a very short time; though I fear they’ll land on fear/regret and stay there, they both wind up laughing (phew) and saying, “Oh boy.”

Now it’s your turn. What did you think of the episode? Whose adventure did you enjoy the most? What did you think of the final few moments? Sound off in the comments!

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Comments (48)

  • AHHH!!!!! That’s all I can say!

    Comment by Jackie – April 30, 2013 06:34 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • Dylan O’Brien and Nick and Jess finally FINALLY hooking up makes for one of the best episodes this season. Schmidt’s story was definitely the funniest

    Comment by Lalalala – April 30, 2013 06:39 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • I believe the appropriate response is: MY EMOTIONS!

    Comment by Roger – April 30, 2013 06:40 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • LMFAO is all I have to say.

    Comment by Josh – April 30, 2013 06:43 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • Hilarious and awesome. Great episode!

    Comment by Jen – April 30, 2013 06:46 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • I laughed out loud several times. This show doesn’t always get it right but when it does, it’s the best.

    Dylan O’Brien was surprisingly sexy. I have a feeling he may end up being a big name.

    Comment by Rochelle – April 30, 2013 06:46 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • Was I the only one who read their reactions at the end as “Holy crap, that was actually really fantastic!”

    Comment by Adrienne Cook (@adrienne_cook) – April 30, 2013 06:56 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
    • Haha! I agree. They looked surprised that it was so good. I loved this episode! The whole relationship with Nick and Jess has been handled incredibly well and tonight was no exception. I’m so excited to see what happens next! Also, Dylan O’Brien is soooo sexy! I was very happy to see him on my screen tonight!

      Comment by rachelle – April 30, 2013 07:02 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
    • That’s definitely where it started, but then it transitioned to “That was great, but what the hell do we do now?” (See: Jess’ hilarious “Ruh-roh”).
      It really would have been so much simpler if the sex had been bad. Can’t wait to see what happens next.

      Comment by wordsmith – April 30, 2013 11:54 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • easily one of the most hilarious 30 minutes of TV I’ve seen in a good long time. the Schmidt and Nick scenes had me in tears. very nice ending i certainly hope their look was one of content but my guess is their is going to be some uber akwardness going on in the loft. fantastic episode.

    Comment by James – April 30, 2013 07:20 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
    • Agree. Schmidt was hilarious!

      Comment by majamababe – May 1, 2013 08:06 AM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • Best thing I have watched this week. Love, love, love it!

    Comment by Melanie – April 30, 2013 07:31 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • What is the song playing when Jess and Nick have sex?

    Comment by Joel – April 30, 2013 07:39 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
    • anything can happen – ellie goulding

      Comment by Megtry – April 30, 2013 07:51 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • How funny is it that New Girl and Awkward. talked about sex tonight? LOVE THESE SHOWS!

    Comment by iMember – April 30, 2013 07:40 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • zooey sucks. can’t act.

    Comment by r – April 30, 2013 07:40 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
    • does not. can so.

      Comment by Tony – May 1, 2013 03:04 AM PDT  Reply To This Post
      • More eloquently, Zooey Deschanel has taken ‘awkward cute’ to a new level. Her roles in ‘Almost Famous,’ ‘The New Guy,’ and ‘Elf’ brought her special brand of charm to the forefront, making her a standout in the supporting roles. She showed off a bit more of her acting chops in ‘Bridge to Terabithia,’ playing the adult mentor rather than just the cute girlfriend. While she’s had other fun ‘girlfriend’ roles along the way (‘Yes Man’ and ‘(500 Days of) Summer’ stand out), ‘New Girl’ allows her to be her quirky self, but in a way that brings out the best of her castmates. And her albums as a part of She and Him have been a nice throwback to 60s pop in a world of autotuned dance remixes.

        Comment by Tony – May 1, 2013 03:14 AM PDT  Reply To This Post
        • Nicely said, Tony. She seems to get a lot of hate simply because people don’t like her “schtick”. She’s proven on numerous occasions that she’s a talented actress, with plenty of range, but gets pigeon-holed into the cutesy, retro thing, simply because it’s the easiest way to try and discredit her many talents.

          Comment by tripoli – May 1, 2013 02:49 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • jess said “rut row” (as in, uh oh! but in a good way)…i believe. so cute!

    Comment by SB – April 30, 2013 07:50 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
    • she was saying “uh oh” in Scooby Doo parlance. Scooby usually said “ruh-roh, raggy” instead of “uh-oh Shaggy”

      Comment by Jennifer Hill Brown – May 2, 2013 03:25 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • Loved it all! Schmidt def. had the best lines of the night, as that conversation while Nick was high left my sides hurting … but can we please take a moment and talk about Nick and Winston’s high pitched teen voices? As soon as Nick started going “No, no, no, no, no” after his Dad walked in with the hookers, I was shrieking … great delivery!

    Comment by Amy – April 30, 2013 08:04 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
    • i noticed that too…it was amazing…hairstyles rocked:)

      Comment by anyone? – April 30, 2013 08:45 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • Who is loving Elizabeth and Schmidt? hope she sticks around And of course YES!!! Nick and Jess! and teenage Nick and Winston were hilarious

    Comment by Gaby (@Gottara) – April 30, 2013 08:06 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
    • I love Elizabeth, she is awesome!

      Comment by maja – May 1, 2013 01:59 AM PDT  Reply To This Post
    • Me! I want Merrit Wever to be a permanent addition to this show. She is the BEST thing on Nurse Jackie and I really like them together! CeCe who?

      Comment by Bitsy – May 1, 2013 06:45 AM PDT  Reply To This Post
    • love love Elizabeth and Schmidt =)))

      Comment by ca – May 1, 2013 10:02 AM PDT  Reply To This Post
    • <3 Elizabeth!!!

      Comment by Xime – May 1, 2013 03:06 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • That was great! I wish Fox hadn’t blown it with the promos, though. When the promo shows Nick carrying Jess off in an episode all about first times and “Anything Can Happen” blares in the back…you can guess what is gonna go down.

    Comment by Leah – April 30, 2013 09:07 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • Fantastic episode! Just wonderfully done the whole way through!

    Comment by lariet50 – April 30, 2013 09:14 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • I laughed through the whole thing.
    And then she said “ruh roh!” and I just started rolling, I was laughing hysterically. *THAT* was the best last line ever.

    Comment by Amanda – April 30, 2013 09:45 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • Two lines stood out for me – Nick’s “No no no no no no…” and Jess’ “Rut roh”! Nick’s quiet admission about how he lost his V-card was surprisingly touching, and only Cece would lose hers to Mick Jagger.

    Surprised but gladdened that Nick & Jess finally did it – now what happens next?

    Comment by Steve F. – April 30, 2013 09:53 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • I loved the episode! I especially loved how they timed “Anything Could Happen” with the big events. The first sound is heard just as Nick grabs the elevator then them kissing right as the climax of the song hits was pure perfection! I am so watching that episode over and over.

    Comment by Courtney L – April 30, 2013 10:12 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • I loved the episode as well. It was hilarious, touching, and the personal narrative moved forward, as it has the last half of this season at a rapid-fire pace.

    This show is great because it isn’t afraid to develop their characters as they move on. It is very much a traditional sitcom in many ways, but their openness to real progression and the organic momentum of the main characters and their relationships is what really sets it apart from the other romantic sitcoms out their right now. I find myself exponentially rooting for Nick and Jess while still aware of the fear and trepidation that underscores the glee portrayed by the pair on screen, even as they begin to comprehend what just happened at the episode’s end, they seem elated and relieved.

    Jake Johnson and Lemorne Morris continue to be my stand out favorites in a cast that all consistently delivers on big laughs and real charm. A great episode of one of my favorite shows on right now.

    Comment by Shoukichi – April 30, 2013 11:05 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • It was awesome!!

    Comment by sara – May 1, 2013 01:02 AM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • Are you a virgin? No, but my penis is…. lol

    Comment by Booger – May 1, 2013 01:43 AM PDT  Reply To This Post
    • I laughed so hard at that.

      Comment by Diva – May 1, 2013 08:08 AM PDT  Reply To This Post
    • oh my goodness – what a great line – I really laughed out loud at that one.

      Comment by majamababe – May 1, 2013 08:10 AM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • Great episode tonight. Soundtrack to tonight’s episode is what did it for me. Lisa Loeb, sublime’s (caress me down), Boyz 2men… Then the song at the end. every song matched the “v story” to each character perfectly.

    Comment by JP – May 1, 2013 05:47 AM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • YES! Finally! More, More! One of the funniest episodes, had me in stitches!

    Comment by Tina B. – May 1, 2013 07:42 AM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • I really think that New Girl is the best comedy on tv right now… they are just awesome!!!

    Comment by Xime – May 1, 2013 03:08 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • Elizabeth and Schmidt need to stay together next season. Come on New Girl keep her around!

    Comment by ggny – May 1, 2013 03:42 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • I cannot even express how happy I am Nick and Jess got together. New Girl is, to me, the best show on television.

    Comment by J – May 1, 2013 05:06 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • I’m just happy Stiles finally admitted he was gay. Now he can go be with Derek…

    Comment by Ella – May 1, 2013 11:50 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
    • THIS!!!!

      was waiting for this!!! This comment for the win!!

      Comment by Theo – May 2, 2013 03:31 AM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • What is the name of guy who played guitar guy?

    Comment by chris d – May 2, 2013 04:16 PM PDT  Reply To This Post

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