What Would Ryan Lochte Do?: 5 Reasons I Want to Watch (and Then Be Reprimanded by a Nun)

what-would-ryan-lochte-doJeah. No, wait, scratch that. JEAH! (That’s more like it, right?)

If the preceding sentence makes no sense to you whatsoever, then you might want to watch the following extended trailer for E!’s upcoming celebreality series What Would Ryan Lochte Do? Actually, you might not want to watch it at all, and that’s okay, too.

In fact, I’m still not completely convinced this look into the life of the Olympic gold-medal-winning swimmer is an actual TV show; it could easily be an elaborate ruse to try to get you to watch one of E!’s myriad shows about the Karda — GAH, I almost uttered The Surname That Shall Not Be Spoken. I am so sorry. Are you still with me?

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If so, let’s review my Top 5 Reasons the What Would Ryan Lochte Do? Trailer Makes Me Want to Tune in (and Then Be Reprimanded by a Nun):

ryan-lochte-shirtless5) There just hasn’t been enough hideous group drunkenness since Jersey Shore got cancelled. (Jersey Shore did get cancelled, right? I’ve got to believe that wasn’t just a really nice dream I had the last time I drank a Long Island Iced Tea.)

4) Gratuitous ab shots. (JEAH!)

3) Lochtenese is sure to spice up your drab English-language vocabulary: “So you have to really put the emphidence on that ‘J.’ That ‘J’ and ‘E’: That’s the key part. And then the ‘A-H’ kind of just flows,” Ryan says while instructing viewers on how to say “Jeah.” JEAH!

kristin-lochte2) Ryan’s sister Kristin makes the same horrified expressions all of us will no doubt be producing for the duration of this series.

1) JEAH! (Oops!…I said it again.)

Like it or not, What Would Ryan Lochte Do? premieres Sunday, April 21 (10/9c on E!).

Will you tune in to this mess? Maybe just for five minutes? Should I watch the premiere and recap it for my dormant “Dumpster Dive” series? Confess your (future) crimes in the comments!

Comments (22)

  • he’s an Olympic swimmer/male version of Jessica Simpson… of course ill check it out… trash TV is my guilty pleasure.

    Comment by Elyse – March 26, 2013 04:41 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • I’m totally watching this mess! And I’m speaking as a person who shuns reality programming, especially the crap that E usually has on. Maybe it’s because even though Ryan Lochte is a D-bag, he seems like a likable D-bag. Plus, he got to where is on his own merit, not because he’s spoiled from Mommy & Daddy’s money.

    Comment by Bridget – March 26, 2013 04:48 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • Omg lol. Talk about so bad it’s good TV.

    Comment by Hali N. (@writergirlfl) – March 26, 2013 04:49 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • He is a gigantic tool! But the hot body may be enough to get me to watch like 5 minutes.

    Comment by Jaded – March 26, 2013 04:50 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
    • It’s all about the hot bod when it comes to Ryan Lochte.

      Comment by julio – March 27, 2013 10:31 AM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • I am honest. I am more looking forward to this show than to any other new TV show. I was already amused by all his hilarious interviews during the Olympics. This is going to be the first reality TV show that I am actually going to follow. XD This is going to be an epic mess : D

    Comment by S. from E. now – March 26, 2013 04:58 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • I think my IQ dropped a little bit after watching the promo but even knowing that I’m still going have to watch at least one episode just to see what new levels of douchebaggery he can come up with lol

    Comment by Billy – March 26, 2013 05:05 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
    • My IQ dropped just reading about it here! Think I’ll pass, thanks-only thing I care to watch on E! is “The Soup”. But, hey, whatever floats others’ boats, and all that.
      (Also, “emphidence”…?)

      Comment by Angela – March 26, 2013 05:18 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • Please do a dumpster dive on this one. I don’t think I’ll be able to watch it without shouting so much I scare the neighbors, but I’m dying to know just how awful it actually is.

    Comment by daisyj – March 26, 2013 05:32 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • Porn is the only thing I would ever watch him in – and only if he didn’t have any lines.

    Comment by Jered – March 26, 2013 08:25 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • I had zero intentions of watching this show but that trailer had be cracking up! Ryan looks like an idiot but he’s just so damn goofy and likeable.

    Comment by Jared – March 26, 2013 10:37 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • I cannot believe this is a real show! I found myself just bursting into spontaneous laughter about a minute into this because it reminded me so much of a spoof (SNL’s Lochte anyone?) The other funny thing is that in this trailer the scenes seem so much more transparently staged than most reality shows…can’t say I’m not intrigued though, simply for the sheer comedy value!

    Comment by Nat – March 27, 2013 05:06 AM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • As long as Ryan is showing us his hot body on a weekly basis, I’m in!!!

    Comment by Eric – March 27, 2013 05:55 AM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • Will not be watching this at all. The only thing I watch on E TV is fashion police after an award show and sometimes E news. It looks like another Karadashian show which I loathe.

    Comment by Mary – March 27, 2013 07:17 AM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • I think watching an episode would fry my brain cells so I’ll just stare at a picture of his pretty face for 30 minutes. Soooo pretty.

    Comment by dude – March 27, 2013 07:23 AM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • I want to like him, but….I mean, how old is he? He comes off likes he’s about 19, but I think he’s quite a bit older.

    Comment by Nicole – March 27, 2013 07:49 AM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • A little dumb, a lot good looking and appears to be super sweet with his family. could be an exception to my no reality tv rule…

    Comment by Mehvash – March 27, 2013 07:49 AM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • I’ll probably tune in for the first episode, then never watch again. Great swimmer but he strikes me as an arrogant douche. They should have made a series about Nathan Adrian, instead. He’s a Gold Medal winning swimmer, he’s gorgeous, he seems like a really nice guy and he wants to be a doctor.

    Comment by Anna – March 27, 2013 07:57 AM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • No way am I missing this insanity!! I need something to take the place of Jersey Shore!!

    Comment by Rain – March 27, 2013 08:00 AM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • Sponsored by Axe

    Comment by Jeff P. (@nostradumnass) – March 27, 2013 08:09 AM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • Did this cat actually graduate college?

    Comment by girlwiredin – March 27, 2013 10:26 AM PDT  Reply To This Post

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