Little Carl’s immortal soul was consecrated to God in this week’s Revenge, but the reverend probably should’ve sprinkled a little heavenly protection on daddy Jack and Uncle Declan, too — they’re really going to need it. Meanwhile, Emily and her new man positioned Daniel exactly where they (and Americon Initiative) wanted him, and Nolan’s ex made it clear he’s here for a while. Remember: This episode was your last taste of Hamptons hijinks for 2012, so savor every moment as we review the major developments of “Revelations.”
THE CASE OF THE EX | The episode opens at a skeet-shooting event before which everyone apparently huffed glue, such is the sheer ridiculousness of the outfits displayed. Victoria’s sporting a Seinfeld-ian puffy shirt under her shooting vest; I thought for a moment that Hook and Cora’s ship had run aground in South Hampton. Queen V and Conrad are courting a Grayson Global board member named Salvador Grobet; his vote carries so much weight that he’ll basically determine whether Conrad or Daniel is the company’s CEO. Emily and Aiden are there, too – they want Grobet to back Daniel, because Em’s ex will then allow the pair to have a direct connection to the initiative. The initiative is there, as well, threatening Conrad and Queen V that if they try to block Daniel’s ascension, he’ll be in extreme danger. (Side note: The initiative storyline – too nebulous to ever make sense or a well-crafted, slowly unspooling grand plan? Vote in the comments.) Nolan’s there, too, making Victoria’s ensemble look absolutely average in comparison to his double collared shirting. Really: He’s got a button-down on over a polo, and the polo’s collar is popped, giving him the appearance of a preppy dilophosaurus. In a pleasant change from the norm, Emily’s actually nice to Nolan as he reminds us that Daniel’s about to make a play for half of NolCorp. He assures her he has a plan but – much like she always does to him — won’t tell her what it is. He also taps his cheek indicating that a departing Aiden should kiss it (ha!) and I am again reminded how much I miss Nolan this season.
Nolan and Padma later arrive at GG headquarters to find Marco there. Daniel says now that the former NolCorp CFO has told him about the drained offshore bank account (though he hasn’t divulged to whom the funds went, interesting…), he wants a controlling share of the tech company or he’ll make a spectacle of Nolan’s dirty financial laundry. Nolan has to go along with it, but after Marco comes begging for his old job back, the blonde assures Padma that it’ll be easier to mess with his new overlords from the inside, Trojan horse-style. (Side note: If I were Nolan, I’d be a bit more worried about Marco’s powers of perception. The guy took one peek at The Stowaway and realized that the Amanda Clarke who lived there never saw a penny of the money Nolan allegedly put away for her. If Mason Treadwell were still skulking around town, I like to think that he and Nolan’s ex could piece together the whole shebang over cocktails. Snarky, bitchy cocktails.)
STOWAWAY STATIC | Carl is baptized, with Declan and Emily as godparents, and everyone heads to The Stowaway for a reception hosted by the Ryan brothers. Great guys, right? Nope! – as Jack finally learns when a visit and warning from Matt “By-the-way-I-killed-their-dad-and-made-it-look-like-your-dad-did-it-sorry” Duncan finally compels the elder Porter brother to look into their background. When Nolan tells Jack that Kenny and Nate are the son of the man who used to shake down Carl Sr., Jack cries, “Are you telling me they’re related to that Joe Ryan?!” Revenge, are you telling me that this thought never crossed Jack or Declan’s minds before? Oy. Anyway, the Ryan brothers beat up Matt, who confesses everything to Jack. The Ryans then continue their old man’s work by making it very clear that Jack and his family are in danger.
LATERS, ASH! | It looks even more likely that Ashley and Aiden have some sort of connection, because out of nowhere, she warns Daniel not to trust the handsome Brit with too much GG power. Of course, Aiden and Emily witness the exchange via security camera, so their next move? “We turn Daniel against Ashley,” Em declares. Turns out, Ms. Red Sharpie is sitting on some video of Conrad and Ash doing the nasty, and she sends it straight to Victoria’s phone. Vicky makes a beeline for her philandering husband and hits him with this gem: “You have wormed your way into the very nadir of repugnance.” (Feel free to use that on your holiday cards this year to keep things fresh.) Conrad’s all, “We were divorced! Daniel wasn’t dating her yet! And seriously, can you focus?” As they suck down scotch, Victoria quickly pushes her freak-out aside and they make a plan to use the video – which they’re sure came about via Americon Initiative — to their advantage. Cut to my favorite scene of the episode, where Victoria confronts Ashley with the video. Off Ash’s horrified look, Vic quips, “Yes, I had that reaction, too.” Ha! (Might I add, Victoria has redeemed her puffy shirt moment from earlier with the slinky red sweater dress she’s sporting here. Madeleine Stowe is so lovely, sometimes it makes me angry.) Ashley’s story matches Conrad’s – it only happened once, etc. – but Victoria doesn’t care. She commands her former assistant to seduce Grobet and get him to support Conrad in exchange for Daniel not finding out about the affair.
Ashley runs into Daniel on her way out and holds back tears while she thanks him for being so kind to her. It’s a nice moment, as is the parallel the show draws between young, desperate Victoria and Ashley’s current predicament. Once she’s at Grobet’s room, Aiden maneuvers Daniel to discover his honey with the horndog board member. Just like he did when he stormed Charlotte’s rehab facility, Daniel kinda impresses me with how quickly he thinks when angry. He snaps a pic of the two wearing bathrobes and threatens to send it to Mrs. Grobet unless he gets full support at the upcoming GG vote. (On the other hand, just like he did when he thought Emily was cheating on him, Daniel kinda repulses me when he shoves Ashley out of his way. Use your words, bro.) The vote eventually goes his way, and Daniel’s first act as Grayson Global head honcho is to tell Aiden there’s no room for him on the board. (Anyone else notice Victoria’s eyes zero in on Aiden before the elevator doors close? All she heard was Daniel telling him that he couldn’t have won the vote without him. Methinks (hopes?) Daniel’s mama is going to unleash a world of hurt on the mysterious Brit in the second half of the season.) Later, we see the initiative members spying on Daniel from a shadowy room (I can only assume that Cigarette Smoking Man wasn’t available?) where someone says, “Everything is in place. Shall we put the plan to a vote?”
Now it’s your turn. As far as Revenge cliffhangers go, did you find this one a little weak? What do you think Nolan’s secret plan might entail? Are you, like Emily, wondering if people like her and Aiden can ever really be happy? What would you like to see happen when the Hamptonites return from the break? And did you, too, find it weird that Aiden kept standing behind Emily and whispering in her ear all episode? Sound off in the comments!