Revenge Recap: Hit Me With Your Best Shot

Revenge ResurrectionAll hail the queen, for she has reassumed the throne!

This week’s Revenge showed us a significant death (I think) and hinted at something hinky and kinky going on at Grayson Global/Manor. But all of that paled in comparison to Queen Victoria’s mighty return to the land of the living, which required handcuffs and a regal uttering of this line: “Hit me. This is your one and only shot, so do it like a man, if that’s even possible.” So as not to further incur her highness’ wrath, let’s get to it and review what happened in “Resurrection.”

DOESN’T ADD UP | Though Ashley sashays into Daniel’s study in her tight tennis whites, she can’t brighten his foul mood over a suspicion that Conrad has made Grayson Global’s financials look better than they actually are. And no one will notice, he adds, if his father can somehow replace the missing cash before the upcoming board meeting. But he becomes distracted when a call from Emily (for which he boots Mixed Doubles Barbie from the room) gets him thinking that Charlotte’s doctor is a fraud. Daniel’s former fiancee just happens to be at Cliffside later when he comes stomping in, bringing in a maelstrom of WASP fury in his high-end cologne-scented wake. Charlotte’s shrink, who I will now call Dr. P. Mypants for the way he rolls over in fear like a runt puppy, quickly agrees to Daniel’s demand that he recant the testimony that deemed Charlotte mentally incompetent. Char’s happy for all of two seconds until she realizes Conrad has already emptied her bank accounts, and she suspects her brother and dad are in cahoots. Just then, Emily’s all, “Oh hey is this a bad time?” (I freaking love Emily VanCamp’s faux innocent face. I wonder if she practices it in the mirror? I totally would. In fact, when this recap is done, I just might. If you practice yours in front of your webcam, tweet it to me @kimroots!) On Charlotte’s orders, Emily delivers her half-sister to Victoria. Vicky’s happy to see her, but realizes that without Charlotte’s inheritance, there’s no way to pay the White-Haired Man for the fake passports – and Initiative-deflecting services — he’s provided. And since he’s inferred that he’d just as soon kill the Grayson girls as help them escape, Victoria rapidly forms a plan. Charlotte mentions that Victoria should leave town first, because she wants to stick around until her nephew is born. “Oh God, don’t tell me that your brother impregnated Emily Thorne,” Victoria cries, and something about the way Madeleine Stowe attacks “impregnated” in that sentence made me laugh out loud. When Charlie clears everything up by saying that her “sister” Amanda is expecting, Victoria tells her she was only interested in getting her hands on Charlotte’s inheritance money (p.s. she’s lying), and the poor little rich poor girl leaves in a huff.

SNOW LONG, THAT’S ALL, GOODBYE? | Of course Victoria has other tricks up her queenly sleeves. During the Grayson Global board meeting, which is interrupted by an angry Daniel but not before we see that a cleaned-up Aiden is there representing Takeda (who agreed to invest in GG last season, remember?), Conrad gets a call on his cell. In no time at all, he’s at the cabin, staring down his presumed-dead wife. “So it’s true,” he sneers. “Even the devil himself didn’t want you.” But V’s got no time for chit-chat. After they establish that Lydia died in the crash (whatever, Revenge. I believe nothing you tell me anymore.), Victoria tells him to punch her. Hard. Later, the White-Haired Man arrives at the cabin to find Victoria battered and chained up. He asks who did it to her. “You did,” she says smugly, advising him to start running. He glances once directly at the clam cam, then takes off just before Conrad and the cops rush in. To all the world, it looks like a happy ending to a terrible ransom situation, but I prefer Em’s take on it: “Son of a bitch.” She pays a very brief visit to Grayson Manor – where she promises to keep the secret that V was alive this whole time (and don’t think that Victoria won’t bring that little tidbit out after Daniel and Emily have reconciled) – then meets WHM at her home. She says he can have the exonerating clam-cam footage of Conrad giving Victoria the Ike Turner treatment if he’ll tell her about her mother. He recounts Victoria’s visit to her mother’s psych-ward room; as it turns out, he was there, too. In a flashback, we see Victoria tell Em’s mom that David had lied to both of them and that WHM was a federal agent named Gordon Murphy who was planning on arresting David that week for terrorism. (Note: For now, I’m going to keep calling him WHM, because Victoria lies.) WHM frees Em’s mom from her restraints and the flashback ends; he tells Emily that the plan was to kill her mother (which makes me think the “federal agent” part was malarkey) but he didn’t follow orders. Lost in thought – and perhaps remembering the episode-opening dream she had about her slightly unhinged-looking mother driving during a “vacation” without her father – Em doesn’t see WHM pulling a knife and going for her throat. Good thing Aiden picks that exact moment to bust in and shoot — and kill? — Emily’s would-be assassin, right?

DOWN BY THE DOCKS | Let’s not forget about the townies, though goodness knows, they didn’t have a ton to do in this episode. Trey, a guy from Declan’s school, asks him to hold onto a piece of jewelry for a few days in exchange for $500. Because Declan is a total moron, he agrees. Amanda’s pregnancy test, which she asks Emily to finesse if necessary thanks to a one-night stand that could’ve caused some trouble, comes back with Jack as the daddy. But to make the curly-haired mama-to-be feel terrible, Em lies that the baby actually isn’t Jack’s – a move Nolan calls “dark, even for you.” Speaking of Em’s self-described “fashionably dressed, technologically savvy sidekick,” he spends a lot of the hour in his boxers; when he whines that the NolCorp employees don’t respect him, Em snarks, “Why would they? You’re not wearing any pants.” Heh. One of his minions, an accounting analyst named Padma, travels to the Hamptons to tell her boss in person that he needs to hire a CFO. (She interrupts him narrating clam-cam video of Victoria stalking the cabin like a panther. It’s great. If you didn’t watch the episode, please do so just for that little moment.) He so admires Padma’s pluck that he offers her the job. And any question about Ashley and Conrad conspiring – if not canoodling – died when she eagerly informed him that Daniel knew the Grayson Global numbers didn’t match up and wondered “Is this something we should be worried about?” I loved Conrad’s retort: “Was he using a calculator or his fingers?” Heh.

Now it’s your turn. The episode felt a little bit slow to me, but so might’ve anything that had to follow that whiz-banger of a season premiere. What were your thoughts? Hit the comments and sound off!

Comments are monitored, so don’t go off topic, don’t frakkin’ curse and don’t bore us with how much your coworker’s sister-in-law makes per hour. Talk smart about TV!

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  1. Martin says:

    LOVED IT!! – But, am I the only one that would not miss Jack, Declan or Amanda (The pregnant one) at all if they weren’t around. Overall, very strong episode.

    • Bilabob1 says:

      I agree that they are the weakest links in the show, but maybe they’ll turn around and become suddenly interesting…. I mean Charlotte was the worst last season, but this season she’s been amazing so far!

    • Chloe says:

      @ Martin – I agree. If we’re lucky, all 3 of them will go down with the boat.

    • Elyse says:

      i don’t like Jack AT ALL. and i don’t want him and Emily together.

      • Me says:

        Me too. I think Emily would run all over him in a relationship. He is too nice, and let’s face it a little too rose colored glasses, to really stand and be her equal.

        I do like the direction with Daniel that they showed in the clip for next week. The fact he no longer believes his parents is promising. Even if they are not together in a romantic relationship I think Emily and Daniel can help eachother out.

  2. tvaddict says:

    I enjoyed this week’s episode a lot more than last week! And I love Nolan’s Revenger line

  3. Abby says:

    Is it just me, or is Declan’s accent less atrocious this season?

  4. Sad that fauxmanda will be sticking around for awhile -___-

  5. Lynne says:

    Overall, good episode. I love the little bits we are getting with Emily’s mom. Once we get in her realtime, I think the explosion that will *hopefully* happen between her and Victoria will be amazing. I squealed when Emily told Fauxmanda that the baby wasnt Jack’s. Then learning that she lied pissed me off. Get rid of Fauxmanda!!!! Maybe the “guilt” will make her leave? One can only hope. Curious about what is going to develop with Declan and Trey. I know the majority hate him, but I was never bothered by him. If given the choice, I would want Fauxmanda gone rather than Declan. Last season, I wasnt too bothered with Ashley, she was just annoying but tolerable. Now that she is with Daniel, I could do without her now. Hope that relationship dies soon.
    As always, cant wait for next week’s episode!

  6. Mike says:

    Still a decent episode, wouldn’t call it exciting but just like once today, storylines were developed which is always a good thing, at least it wasn’t filler. Am I the only one that is loving Charlotte this season, she was a bit annoying last season, but this season she has my attention. now about Declan…?

  7. Irishgirl says:

    Considering what a good fighter Emily is, I was surprised she was pinned by the WHM for such a long time. I expected her to head butt him and get the drop on him.

    I hope next week’s promo is a good sign that Daniel is staying off the moron train from now on. I’m sooo tired of him falling for every scam his parents throw his way.

    Oh…and how long do we have to wait before we see Jack with the new hair cut? I’ve seen a pic, but we need to see it in the eps soon. That hair is becoming a character all it’s own.

  8. Chiara says:

    I´m royally annoyed by Nolan, does anybody really speak like him in real life?

    • Summer says:

      There are possibly a couple of people. But in a show that’s this sort of heightened reality, is that really the thing you’re going to nitpick on?

  9. Brandon says:

    umm, did I completely miss where they said Lydia had died? I just rewound my tivo-ed episode and didn’t see that happen at all.

    Also, this episode wasn’t slow for me. The amount of lies that happened between each character kept my head spinning. I’m aware that lying is focal point of this show, it just seemed to be more than normal this week, especially between Daniel, Conrad, Charlotte, and Victoria.

    Gah, I love this show way too much. Now to start counting down to next week…

    • Brandon says:

      ohh I just saw it. Conrad told Daniel Lydia was killed by WHM. I don’t think I believe that at all. Though I’d be perfectly content if she never came back.

  10. Chiara says:

    I like the show´s twists but damn the pseudo intense stares are getting on my nerves!

  11. A says:

    That new guy is a mix between Jack and Daniel, he’s a Jack Daniel(s). Do Victoria’s lips/whole face bother anyone else?

  12. Michael says:

    I want to love season 2 as much as I did season 1, but I need to give this season a little bit more time to get up to speed.

    How did Victoria time the WHM’s return for seconds before Conrad and the cops showing up?

    Why didn’t the WHM tell Victoria who Emily/Amanda really is?

    WHy didn’t Emily give Amanda and Jack FAKE test results to get rid of her?

    How dumb is Declan that he’s hanging onto that trinket that his new friend has given him? Did he learn NOTHING by hanging out with the Graysons?

    If the Porters are so, er, poor, how can Declan afford to move out anytime soon?

    Last season Emily was always in the know if not always in control, but this season she seems to be doing a lot of driving around, not being in control.

    • Bex says:

      Just my two cents:
      How did Victoria time the WHM’s return for seconds before Conrad and the cops showing up?
      Maybe she called him?
      Why didn’t the WHM tell Victoria who Emily/Amanda really is?
      He was probably holding that back for when it would be beneficial for him to tell her. Until there is something in it for him, why waste it?
      WHy didn’t Emily give Amanda and Jack FAKE test results to get rid of her?
      Because she needs Amanda to stick around to keep Charlotte there
      How dumb is Declan that he’s hanging onto that trinket that his new friend has given him? Did he learn NOTHING by hanging out with the Graysons?
      No. Declan is dumb.
      If the Porters are so, er, poor, how can Declan afford to move out anytime soon?
      He can’t. Which is why Jack said it would be awhile before he moved out. But that’s probably why he is hiding the jewellery.

      • Ann says:

        I think WHM isn’t revealing anything about Emily because he has a lot of respect for her after she beat him at the end of last season but chose to let him live. I don’t think, at this point, he would ever harm Emily…unless she backstabbed him. They have a good alliance with each other.

  13. Lola says:

    Best line of the episode: Even the devil himself didn’t want you. hahahahaha! Loved the episode. Can’t wait for next week!

  14. June says:

    It was not their best showing for me. It was like watching a tennis match the way the scenes sped back & forth. I like Nolan’s new hair cut….Ashley is so money hungry she will do anything, even go after Conrad to get it.

  15. June says:

    Great show i loved it ! what really blew me away was that Emily lyed about Jacks baby , the baby is not his it seems like she has feelings for jack , unless you fess up how you really feel about him you are going to be miserable for the rest of your life , and Madeleine Stowe was fantastic tonight i especially like the way she had set that guy up that was awesome !

  16. Clau says:

    I CAN’T BREATHE. You stole my husband, you whore!!!!

  17. Micki jessen says:

    Revenge is my Sunday night guilty pleasure!! I think both of the episodes have been great so far this season the lies are flying and Victoria is back who didnt know that would b coming?

    • iMember says:

      Please don’t call Revenge a “guilty pleasure.” Anyone watching this show needs to strut it around town letting all the people who don’t watch it what they are missing. Be proud to be a REVENGER!

  18. J says:

    I enjoyed this episode MUCH more than last week’s premiere.
    Amanda and Jack are definitely my least favorite part of the season so far.
    I actually like Declan, but Trey and his storyline seemed so random. Also, am I the only one who sensed some serious sexual tension between those two? I really thought Trey was going to hit on Declan or something lol.

  19. gossip2010 says:

    Every episode, i’m waiting for emily to tell to charlotte that they are sisters, it would be great

  20. John says:

    Episode was great…..has anyone else noticed that Jack seems to be drinking a lot. I wonder if they are taking this to “he is an alcoholic” story line or something deeper. I will guess the latter

    • Suzanne says:

      I thought he already was an alcoholic from the summer before last and that townie girl than mom had to get him away from. When he met Em, he was months sober and she supported him to stay so all summer. Guess his sobriety was more from mom and dad didn’t see an issue.

  21. Amanda says:

    What are they going to do when Emily’s mom shows up? Emily will want her mom with her, but won’t Victoria remember her? How will she explain that?

  22. Jeff says:

    Why would the Feds believe Victoria was kidnapped? How does she explain how she got off the plane to be kidnapped? What am I missing here? It’s not like she was seen driving to the plane. We saw her get on it with the feds! I don’t get how they think she could have been kidnapped! From the plane before it took off? How’d they not see THAT?

    Did I miss something?

  23. zoot says:

    Just my two cents
    Ashley bothers me..wasn’t she planning parties a few months ago and now she is out playing tennis?
    Declan is so dumb, but I am trying to figure out why he is being set up. You know they are going to find that bracelet, but who wants him in trouble?
    Hate Jack is really the father of FauxAmanda’s baby. That baby is due in a month, how are they going to get rid of her now? And why would Emily even be interested in a brooding drunk like Jack? Jack is pretty pathetic so far this season.
    Love Victoria and how she took her rightful place at Grayson Manor and got Daniel back in her good graces.
    Daniel seems a little smarted this season, I think I like him!
    Nolan is just the best!

    • Lisa says:

      Did anyone ever watch Greek? I swear I keep getting these two ‘Ashley’s’ confused in my head. The actresses are so similar.

  24. Andrea says:

    I liked this episode, nothing really stood out other than Emily lying about the baby. I also thought the exchange between Emily and Daniel was interesting when they talked about things bringing people closer together.

  25. Liz says:

    Wait, isn’t that the actress who played Cora in The Last of the Mohicans? I don’t know that show, but because of her, I may watch!

    • iMember says:

      Yes, that is the beautiful Madeline Stowe. You’ll probably watch the show for her, but then start watching the show for so much more.

  26. I loved this episode, just when Emily plans were going as plan, Victoria just had to ruin it but its ok because the queen herself is someone we love to hate. I hope conrad is the guy who sunk with the boat, im done with him. And I dont see the spark between nolan and that girl who works for him, I rather him be with a guy.

  27. Great episode. Loved the recap! WHM looked like someone that could have been a dangerous ally/threat all season, so I’m surprised he’s a goner already. Not enjoying Jack this year. What benefit was it to Emily to be so snarky to Faux Amanda? She usually doesn’t do anything that wouldn’t somehow benefit her in the long run. I was wondering about the mom/emily connection, and how it would keep Em’s secret self actually secret. Lots to look forward to!!!

  28. Hermilia says:

    What did WHM say to Emily while he was trying to kill her??
    He said “Good bye Amanda, ________???” It’s killing me, I need to know!!

    • shanza shah says:

      omg.. so am i! .. dying to find out wat dat last sentence was.. somebody, pls share! :)

      • b-line says:

        he knows that emily is the real amanda, she told it to her when she was plotting to kill him in season 1 when she learnt that it was he who killed his father in jail. He also hinted that her mother might be alive…
        He came to see Emily to get the recordings to clear his name after victoria’s scam, but she told him she would hand them to him if he gave her infos about her mother.
        WHM didnt tell anything to Grayson’s about Emily cause probably they wanted to use this card in a much needed situation…

  29. Joy says:

    I cant get past this plane crash that Victoria survived?? How & why didnt we see any of how this miracle happened? Also how did the white hair man know it was a clam cam when last time it was a black seal cam? Too many open holes in the links!! cmon writters you can do better than this!!

  30. I simply did not understand the need for Victoria to fake a kidnapping nor the need for her to have her face beaten. And why did she choose Conrad to beat her face? Why did Conrad agree to do so, when he would suspect that she had something up her sleeve? Nor do I understand the sudden turnaround as to why it was suddenly okay to her to expose herself as alive. Nor do I understand the need to frame White Hair for her fake kidnapping when he’s always been in cahoots with the Graysons. Slightly implausible is fun, but inexplicable is tedious.

    • Elisabeth says:

      I agree. Weren’t the Feds after Grayson Global with Victoria as their key witness? So then why would she align herself with Conrad again? It makes no sense.

  31. RuthannJhn says:

    Ok who didn’t know that Ash would do in her own mother for money…she should have nabbed Nolan when she had the chance! This eppy left a lot to be desired but had its moments…I think you can count on a Daniel and Emily reunion!