Bachelor Pad Photo Recap: Now With More Butt Shots, Serial Killers and… Gatsby References?

Get More: Reality TV, Recaps

Bachelor Pad, ABC’s feel-bad hit of the summer, slithered back onto the network lineup for its third-season premiere last night, leaving behind it a trail of tears, grain alcohol, industrial-strength false-eyelash glue, and Axe body spray.

Everything was as horrible as you’d remembered/anticipated, with 15 former Bachelor/Bachelorette “players” joined by five* fans in a competition for screen time/communicable diseases/a cash prize/and a chance at finding “love,” an emotion that was placed on the Endangered Species list mere seconds after host Chris Harrison dragged it violently screaming into the Bachelor Pad mansion. (*Technically six, but identical twins Brittany and Erica are competing as one entity. And while four breasts are better than two in this particular setting, I’m not sure they’ve got enough brain cells between ‘em to turn this into a competitive advantage.)

Anyhow, I’m not going to spend more than two sentences on plot, so here goes: “Fans” Dave and Brittaca won the “hanging from a giant heart” challenge to score immunity, and targeted Erica Rose and Nick for elimination, since that duo placed last and thus had one vote apiece automatically cast against them. When Dave foolishly revealed his plan to Erica Rose, she successfully rallied the “veterans” to snuff out a pair of “fans” without immunity, Paige and “Swat.”

Everything else that’s pertient has been captured using the timeless art of the screen grab. So click through the slides below, then hit the comments with your thoughts on the season premiere of Bachelor Pad, and who you’re hoping will “win” it all.

Comments (8)

  • Erica Rose is the epitomy of white trash…can’t wait til she’s gone from the house #bachelorpad

    Comment by J-Ferg (@jwfergie24) – July 24, 2012 10:33 AM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • This basically makes my day…especially the facial expressions at the end. Hoping these happen every week. They’re hilarious!

    Comment by ktbanks – July 24, 2012 10:37 AM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • LOL!! The photos are hilarious but the captions… priceless! I just hope someone nice wins it (but for this show, “someone nice” is probably an oxymoron). By the way, and under the Separated At Birth? category, is it just me, or does Ryan bear a striking resemblance to Hilary Swank?

    Comment by april-ann – July 24, 2012 10:58 AM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • “Donna was just one dress tug away from flashing her staglianono.” – Best caption ever!

    Comment by soarin829 – July 24, 2012 11:12 AM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • What? No mention of the twins’ use of “feeling subhuman”? That was my fave moment.

    Comment by Maga – July 24, 2012 11:41 AM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • All hail Erica Rose! I’m only watching because of her. As soon as she’s gone, so am I. She was born to be a reality star. Can’t wait until she can put her gavel to use!

    Comment by Rolfe – July 24, 2012 12:57 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • Slezak I love your photo recaps. I still feel dirty from watching this last night. This show is so sleezy!

    Comment by Christina – July 24, 2012 01:26 PM PDT  Reply To This Post
  • Jaclyn looks like the “mmm-kay” lady from Episodes.

    Comment by Reality Check – July 24, 2012 05:04 PM PDT  Reply To This Post

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