Cee Lo Green never uses 10 words when he can use 1,300, but on tonight’s semifinal results telecast of The Voice, there was a very direct message in the middle of his intergalactic free-verse poetry. The cat-strokin’ dude was correct: It’s been well documented that his team contained “two of arguably the best contestants on this show” — and it totally blew that one of ’em had to go home under the “one finalist per coach” rule that continues to be the absolute worst aspect of NBC’s fledgling singing competition. (Yes, even worse than Christina Milians and Milians of Inane Questions from the Sprint Lounge!)
Before we get to the results, a few notes on the telecast:
* What happened to the kindly stylist who’d dialed back the crazy on Xtina’s makeup and clothes during the quarterfinal rounds? That person needs to come back to The Voice next week — no matter the cost to the production!
* I’ve got to admit, I was excited, relieved , and a little surprised that The Voice finally (finally!) acknowledged the existence of its Season 1 finalists, none of whom have had much chart success since coming off the show. Surely, The Voice‘s producers realize that if their program doesn’t become a legitimate launching pad for radio play and record sales, it lowers the stakes of the competition, and puts the entire enterprise at risk, no? I just hope the promotional push for the Season 1 gang wasn’t a case of too little too late.
* If I had to rank the evening’s performances from last year’s final four — and I kind of do, don’t I? — it’s a pretty obvious undertaking:
1) Vicci Martinez (with Cee Lo), “Come Along” | A moody and melodic number from Cee Lo’s war-dancin’ machine. This chick really seems to have grown into her rock-star persona since leaving the show, and maybe with a little help from her coach, she can conquer the airwaves? I’ve already downloaded her EP based on this performance alone.
2) Dia Frampton (with Kid Cudi), “Don’t Kick the Chair” | The juxtaposition of a pretty melody and bright whistling with a jarring suicide reference was perfectly, quirkily Dia. I’m not sure this single is hook-y enough to conquer Top 40 radio, but it’s ultimately got an empowering message, and Dia sounded lilting and lovely as ever.
3) Javier Colon, “A Drop in the Ocean” | Uff da: 1989 called, and it wants its unreleased Babyface demos back. I may not have been Team Javier back in Season 1, but from the dreary melody to the surprisingly strained vocals on those final runs, this was a disappointment.
4) Beverly McClellan (with Cyndi Lauper), “Money Changes Everything” | Don’t get me wrong: “Money Changes Everything” is an unbelievably great song, and Cyndi looked fantastic. But this duet was a hot honeyed wreck of caterwauling and craziness.
And now, let’s talk results:
Xtina’s scores (out of a possible 100): Chris Mann, 50. Lindsey Pavao, 50.
Xtina’s scores + America’s votes: Chris Mann, 104. Lindsey Pavao, 96.
Advancing: Chris Mann
Bottom Line: Like Xtina said, this was like comparing “apples to oranges” — or as I prefer to think of it, Andrea Bocelli to Rickie Lee Jones. And the superclose voting supported that idea. Still, if Xtina wanted a team member with a real chance at burning up the charts, I think she shoulda thrown a few more points in Lindsey’s direction. Heck, a 55-45 split would’ve given Lindsey the win, 101-99!
Adam’s scores: Tony Lucca, 60. Katrina Parker, 40.
Adam’s scores + America’s votes: Tony Lucca, 108. Katrina Parker, 92.
Advancing: Tony Lucca
Bottom Line: If Adam had gone the 50-50 route, America would’ve advanced Katrina to the finale. But Adam is caught in a bad bromance. He has been since the blind auditions. The word makes him gag, but still, he’s got to put bros before…talent? It’s official: Adam is the worst. And wasn’t it annoying the way he assumed that by splitting his votes 60-40, he’d doomed Katrina’s chances? I was really hoping she’d drawn 61 percent of America’s vote — just to see the Maroon 5 frontman eat his words.
Blake’s scores: Erin Willett, 50. Jermaine Paul, 50.
Blake’s scores + America’s votes: Jermaine Paul, 123. Erin Willett, 71.
Advancing: Jermaine Paul
Bottom Line: There was no way Erin had a hope in hell of getting more votes than Jermaine, so really, Blake’s even split on his own votes was like a nice consolation prize of Rice-a-Roni and a limited edition of Trivial Pursuit. (I loved the birthday girl’s “let’s get drunk!” parting invite to her coach.) Oh, and side note: Blake really needs to stop trying to perpetuate the “Jermaine is the guy to beat” myth. More like “Jermaine is the guy to beat… for a fourth-place finish.”
Team Cee Lo
Cee Lo’s scores: Juliet Simms, 60. Jamar Rogers, 40.
Cee Lo’s scores + America’s votes: Juliet Simms, 112. Jamar Rogers, 79.
Advancing: Juliet Simms
Bottom Line: Juliet would have to be implicated in an ugly rooster-fighting scandal — or really choke next Monday night — to lose out on inheriting Javier Colon’s crown and sash. That said, who else thinks Jamar would’ve provided stiffer competition than Jermaine, Chris, and/or Tony had the producers bent the rules and allowed him into next week’s finale, too?
What did you think of the semifinal results? Did any of the decisions break your heart or make you particularly psyched? Sound off below!Follow @MichaelSlezakTV