We’ve reached the point in the American Idol season when results nights get truly, madly, deeply depressing — and not just because voting off Katy Perry in place of one of the stupendous Top 6 contestants is inexplicably not an option.
But seeing how it was Queen week on Idol, it seems appropriate to find some solace in the words of the late, great Freddie Mercury:
I’ll face it with a grin.
I’m never giving in.
On with the show.
The show must go on.
Yes indeed, no matter how you feel about this week’s elimination — and to be honest, I’m feeling a little like someone grabbed the two-thirds full bottle of sauvignon blanc out of my fridge and poured it down the drain (emotional distress level: horrified) — there was no way I was going to bed tonight without feeling a little disconcerted about someone getting a farewell montage set to Scotty McCreery’s “Pleeeeuhhhzzz remayyyymmmber maaaayyy.”
Because ultimately, although I (and most of you) have spent the last four months nitpicking, kvetching, scrutinizing, and backseat driving over the “journeys” of the Season 11 wannabes, the earnest part of my heart (all 96 percent of it) has to give it up to the last six contestants standing. They’re really good. Good in a way that chart-toppers like Rihanna and Katy Perry and LMFAO and Justin Bieber could only fantasize about if they took the stage without the benefit of a backing track and/or an army of highly skilled backup singers.
So on with the show. The show must go on.
Before we dish this week’s results, though, a few thoughts on the telecast:
* I generally don’t give a flying fig about how many votes are cast each week, but I thought Ryan’s note that this week’s 58 million tally was 10 million more than the corresponding week in Season 10 just proves how evenly matched the current field is, and what a motivator that has to be to the various contestants’ fan bases.
* Yo. Yo. Check it out. The Queen Extravaganza was just a’aight for me, for you. Discuss!
* What I don’t want to discuss? The Top 6’s trip to TMZ. Why not just roll the contestants through a pile of dung, force them to wade through a stream of toxic sludge, then douse them with anthrax powder? The end result would be just as humiliating and equally foul, without giving any unnecessary publicity to Harvey Levin and his creepy empire. (Side note: I can’t imagine any scenario where J.Lo would’ve found funny that joke about hot young guys — including current beau Casper Smart — who’ve advanced their careers by romancing the “On the Floor” singer. And I’m a little bit surprised Uncle Nigel would allow her to be ridiculed like that in her own backyard, even if she can dry her tears with $100 bills.)
* Listening to Jimmy Iovine complain about Jessica’s choice of “Bohemian Rhapsody” — just a week after declaring he’d make sure she chose more age-appropriate material for the remainder of the competition — I couldn’t help but wonder: Why didn’t the Top 6 get their usual mentoring session with the Interscope chairman this week?
* As Elise took her spot at the Silver Stools of Doom (TM), my husband turned to me and asked, “Is she on her cell phone?” Obviously, she wasn’t, but wouldn’t that have been the most jaw-dropping response to a Bottom 3 placement in American Idol history? (Think about it for next week, Hollie!)
* Oh how I want to go down with Casey Abrams to the barber shop.
* My non-Idol-watching friend Drew, visiting for dinner tonight, summed up Stefano Langone’s guest performance pretty succinctly: “He’s like the Scott Baio version of the Black Eyed Peas.” I have to give Stefano 10 points for enthusiasm and a reasonably catchy chorus, but those lyrics (“my ex wants sex tonight”?), those wack backup dancers, and even the song title (“I’m on a Roll”? Like a ham and cheese sammich?) are all Rated SMDH.
* Talk about damning praise: Jimmy Iovine describing Hollie’s cover of “The Climb” as “as well as [she] could do.”
* Congrats to Randy for maintaining his cycle of ostentatiously stupid accessories this season with that “Yo Yo Yo” necklace. As fellow Idoloonie @AdamBaranker pointed out on Twitter this week, all of the Dawg’s “YO” paraphernalia should be secretly flipped backstage and turned into “OY.” (I would also accept “NO.”)
Anyway, on with results…
Sent Directly to Safety (In
No Particular Chronological Order)
Phillip “Does your daddy let you date?” Phillips
Sent to the Bottom 3
First One Sent Back to Safety
Ugh. I’ve got nothing. Well, except for the fact that I’m bummed the cameras cut away at the exact moment Elise dropped to her knees and began to bring her exit performance of”Whole Lotta Love” to a raucous, Middle Eastern-inspired conclusion. This is how her Idol runs ends — not with a bang, but with the cold open of Kiefer Sutherland’s Touch.
I’ll be back overnight to update this post with more details — including a discussion of Jimmy Iovine’s “totally” “spontaneous” “responses” to Wednesday’s performances — but until then, I turn things over to you.
What did you think of Top 6 results? Did Elise deserve to get booted? If not, who should’ve been sent home? Sound off in the comments, and for all my Idol news, interviews, and recaps, follow me on Twitter @MichaelSlezakTV!Follow @MichaelSlezakTV