With Jermaine Jones having already gotten the unceremonious “it’s not your voice, it’s your criminal history” brushoff on Wednesday night’s American Idol performance show, the obvious question looming over Thursday’s results telecast was this: Would the lowest vote-getter be spared a walk to the guillotine, or would a pretty young vocalist’s head roll at Ryan Seacrest’s brutal command?
Surprisingly, Uncle Nigel & Co. chose the latter option, sending 10 singers to safety — and a coveted spot on the American Idol Season 11 Summer Tour — and leaving
the cheese to stand alone one contestant to try to sway Steven, J.Lo, and Randy to use their sole “Judges’ Save” of the season.
Before we get to how the results played out, a few notes:
* Was I the only one who could not suppress a chuckle when J.Lo said that “people” have been waiting for news about the release date of her next single and video? Girl, name three of those folks, and I’ll show you a list that’s got at least two fibbers on it.
* What was with the audio-video malfunction during the segment introducing Tommy Hilfiger as the new Idol style coach? I’m sure I could come up with some kind of sarcastic explanation, but honestly, I’d be open to letting the contestants choose their frocks out of a dumpster if it meant we’d never again have to see something as frightful as the sheer white blouse with black sequined trim and silver hotpants that Shannon rocked on Wednesday.
* Was that actually the Top 12 singing in the “Ford Music Video,” or just some strange computer-generated chorus-type thing?
* When Jimmy’s effusive praise of Elise’s “Let’s Stay Together” lasted longer than his remarks for Phillip and Skylar combined, I knew girlfriend was in jeopardy. In other Jimmy news, I have to give him credit for righteously pointing out that Heejun needs to prove he can go uptempo, that Erika tends to fall into the trap of oversinging, and that Jessica doesn’t want to be “an opera singer from a talent show” — something none of the judges bothered to say on Wednesday.
* Because it is Randy’s goal to ruin pretty much everything, he had to drag the exhausted “you could sing the phone book” critique into Season 11.
* Ryan seems to take a special pleasure in torturing Colton when he’s doling out results, no? Maybe dude is jealous of the extra three inches Colton achieves through his incredibly high and extremely dyed hair?
* “Outta My Head” is hands down my favorite single in the history of Daughtry. Dude’s upper register is a wee bit frayed, but heck, even that seemed to work for him tonight. Demi Lovato, on the other hand, is not really an artist who benefits from a live-performance opportunity — which is all I’m going to say about that.
And now, your results. Ryan, dim the lights…
Totally Safe & Headed to the Idol Summer Tour (in order of announcement)
Joshua “real men rock white pants” Ledet
Phillip “Is he really gonna wear that same green t-shirt every results show?” Phillips
Skylar “whooped it up for Joshua!” Laine
Colton “what in the name of fuggery is that army-green draped tank top, sir?” Dixon
Jessica “loves to hear percussion while pointing to her ear” Sanchez
Deandre “lawwwd have mercy!” Brackensick
Hollie “help me, Tommy Hilfiger!” Cavanagh
Heejun “oh come on, you knew he wasn’t going anywhere” Han
Elise “Most Improved On-Stage Attitude” Testone
Shannon “probably more fun than she seems on TV” Magrane
Erika “not wearing a bridesmaids’ dress” Van Pelt
First One Sent Back to Safety
Lowest Vote Getter
And after a passionate but far from perfect encore of “One Sweet Day,” Shannon failed to get a last-minute reprieve from the judges. As her exit package rolled, the lanky teenager kept a smile on her face, and gracefully thanked the judges for their honest critiques. And then — dun dun dun — there were 10.
To be honest, I think the right singer got eliminated this week. Shannon certainly had some talent, but she always came across as too young (and too robotic) to truly bring her music to life. With her and Jermaine out of the competition, I’d say we’ve got one of the deepest, most evenly matched Top 10s in Idol history.
I’ll be back overnight to update this post with some more details, but until then hit the comments with your thoughts on tonight’s results. And for all my Idol news, interviews, and recaps, follow me on Twitter @MichaelSlezakTV!