* Would Jimmy Iovine prove himself such an adept cue-card reader that SNL would come calling with a hosting invitation? (Spoiler alert: I’m more likely to magically develop a condition known as “abs” and take over Christian Bale’s role in the Batman franchise.)
* Would that side-angle shot of Jennifer Lopez (in revealing cream-colored couch leather) result in her second nip-slip accusation in the last month? (I’m going with “no,” but then again, I’m not the kind of guy who’d go all slo-mo on my DVR trying to figure it out.)
* Who would take possession of the Ashthon Jones First-One-Out Memorial Trophy for Season 11? (More on that in a moment.)
* And would Randy, J.Lo, and Steven use their #IdolTwist power responsibly, seeing how Uncle Nigel gave them the power this week to choose whether the lowest-vote-getting guy or lowest-vote-getting gal would be walking the Idol plank to the tune of Scotty McCreery’s
“Baby Lock Them Doors (of the Stadium After You Exit)” “Pleeeease Remember Me”? (The quick answer: A resounding “yes!”)
Before we get to the results, a few notes:
* The Top 13 tackled Stevie Wonder’s “As” for the weekly group performance — and praise Nigel, there was no lipsynching! And yet while a dozen contestants heeded the words of the great philosophy collective C&C Music Factory — “Everybody Dance Now!” — Phillip Phillips (who’d reportedly spent the day at the doctor’s office) got a reprieve from the choreography shenanigans. Maybe that also explains why he was (once again) wearing that green t-shirt of his?
* Season 10 runner-up Lauren Alaina performed her latest single “Georgia Peaches,” and you could tell Phillip was a little skittish when she plunked down on the bench next to him and cooed the line “there’s a reason all the guys pick Georgia peaches.” She sounded pretty good, though, even if the song is cheesier than an Applebee’s nacho platter.
* Colton’s skinny jeans are so aggressive, sometimes I think that boy’s legs are just going to go “poof!” and disappear.
* The hem of Elise’s red skirt was shaped like a giant frown. (Foreshadowing, perhaps?)
* Naturally, Jimmy Iovine popped up to offer his evening-after, “I may or may not already know the results” thoughts on Wednesday’s performances. He called Jessica’s “I Will Always Love You” the “best performance I’ve ever seen of anyone on American Idol,” which tells me that dude probably only started watching the show last year, and definitely took a bathroom break during Haley Reinhart’s “Bennie and the Jets.” Jimmy also noted he liked Skylar’s nasal tone, worried that audiences might grow “tired” of Joshua’s voice, and predicted that over time, Phillip might get overshadowed by the “vocal fireworks” of his female competitors. He also slammed Jeremy Rosado’s Stevie Wonder cover and predicted the winner of Season 11’s Mr. Congeniality trophy would be going home. And guess who went home?
If you’re still not 100% certain, here’s how the results played out:
Totally Safe (in order of announcement)
Bottom 3 Ladies
Erika (why do the Idol stylists hate her?) Van Pelt
Shannon “I cracked on just one note!” Magrane
Bottom 3 Guys
(blasphemy alert!) Joshua Ledet
First Two Sent Back to Safety (That Means You Should Clap, Elise!)
Erika Van Pelt
Moment of Awkwardness That Was Met Momentarily by Ryan’s Befuddled Silence
Steven actually answering Ryan’s question about which of the Bottom 4 should go home, a terse and unhappy “Jeremy.”
Next Two Sent Back to Safety (That Means You Don’t Holler With Cocky Delight, Jermaine!)
Lowest Vote-Getting Gal and Guy
Chosen By the Judges for Elimination
Yep, another season, another Wild Card pick going home first. And while honestly, I’d have preferred to see Jermaine and/or Shannon get booted before Jeremy, I can make peace with the early ouster of a guy who never gave an indication that he’d drawn the “This Is My Now” card at his last tarot reading.
And now I turn things over to you: Did the right contestant go home? And if not, who should’ve had his or her neck on the guillotine? Sound off below!