“I’m sad. I’m sad for women. This isn’t the way women are. Frankly, I’m so embarrassed.” Those were the demoralized words of Monica, as the all-female Salani tribe suffered another embarassing loss to the men’s team on Wednesday’s edition of Survivor: One World.
Oh, Monica, you’re not alone, sister. Watching the Salani ladies fail miserably atthis week’s challenge task — moving left to right over a narrow beam already occupied by their fellow tribemates, without touching more than one tribemate at a time and without falling into the water — was a perfect blend of the comedy and horror genres. (Think a Two Broke Girls crossover with The River.) The only thing more ridiculous than ditzy “college student” Kat repeatedly jumping into the water — for no apparent reason — and delaying her team in the process, was her pitiful response when Nina asked at Tribal Council what valuable life experience she brought to the game. “I mean, I’m outdoorsy, and I do sales, and I work with people all the time, and um…” Yeah, exactly. Also amazing? Jeff Probst’s incredulous comment to Kat: “You’ve never failed at anything in life?”
So while, yes, I understood Kim’s reasoning when she told Chelsea they should stick with their original five-member alliance — “we need these girls to trust us!” — what good, really, are loyal comrades when you’re going to end up getting demolished by the opposing tribe? And really, would it have been that hard for Chelsea and Kim to convince Alicia and Sabrina to dump Kat in favor of Monica? Sabrina and Chelsea admitted openly at Tribal that if they’d had the chance to start over, they’d have structured their alliance differently.
Two other thoughts before we get to this week’s poll:
* Why, for the love of all that’s holy, did I have to witness Tarzan dancing with a spear and wearing bikini briefs? It might be time for Survivor to institute a policy forcing male contestants to wear something — shorts, pants, a sarong even! — over their skivvies.
* Colton couldn’t be more annoying if he revealed a “Cousin Hantz” tattoo on his left butt cheek, but I will admit I got a little psyched watching him “associate with these misfits” and plot against the musclebound Manono dudes. Because as awful as Colton is, no one is worse than Matt and Michael.
What did you think of this week’s Survivor? Are the women already doomed? Take our poll!