The X Factor Top 3 Performance Finale: Follow Along With Our Jaunty Live Blog!

Predictions for The X Factor Performance Finale: One contestant will sing a monster-truck-style ballad. One will bust out an original composition. And one will play an instrument.

We’ll get a glimpse of the Paula Abdul Chair Dance (TM pending). Nicole Schlewbacca’s lashes will glimmer with dewy residue (though no actual tears will muss her foundation). L.A. Reid will take potshots at any vocalist he’s not personally mentoring. And Simon Cowell will call something “bloody fantastic.”

Of course, whether or not my prognosticating proves accurate, one thing is for certain: As the show rolls on, I’ll update you on who’s performed what and offer my opinions of said performances in 10 words or something close to it. So keep refreshing the page for all the good, the bad, and the certainty of Nicole trying to force Josh to sing something dreadful. (Oh, and come back to TVLine mid-Thursday morning for my full episode recap!)

Ready, set, discuss!

Josh Krajcik (with Alanis Morissette): “Uninvited”
Sigh. That song fit his voice like a Size 28 jean fits my midsection. He’s going to need a showstopper in his second number if he wants to get the win.

Chris Rene (with Avril Lavigne): “Complicated”
Mrrrrrr. That might be worth $5 million if this show was called America’s Next Top Song Whisperer. I am not feeling this finale.

Melanie Amaro (with R. Kelly): “I Can’t Believe They Picked This Flippin’ Awful SongI Can Fly”
Honestly, I’d have taken “Trapped in the Closet” over that supersized slice of treacle. A little low for her comfort zone on the opening verse, but (ugh) her voice did kinda soar near the end there.

Josh, Chris, Melanie and Cylons on Steroids: Michael Jackson’s “They Don’t Care About Us”
I cahhhhhhn’t with that.

Josh Krajcik: Etta James’ “At Last”
Absolutely the right choice of song and arrangement, and performed beautifully. (Speaking of perfection, though, I can’t help but plug Melinda Doolittle’s version here, too.)

Chris Rene: “Young Homie”
Simon’s right, that was his $5 million song. (And I’m only a tiny bit bothered that it’s the third time he’s sung it on the show since January.) ¡Melanie had better braaaang something uptempo!

Melanie Amaro: Beyoncé’s “Listen”
Dayum. Her vocals just ate everyone else’s vocals.

OK, your turn. Hit the comments with your thoughts on the X Factor performance finale, and please come back to TVLine mid-Thursday morning for my full episode recap. And for all my reality TV news, interviews, and recaps, follow me on Twitter @MichaelSlezakTV!