Honestly, I’m kind of surprised it wasn’t pouring rain across the nation Wednesday night, since God had to be openly weeping at the way his name was cynically bandied about on the penultimate episode of Survivor: South Pacific.
In a nutshell, here’s how things went down after Ozzy narrowly beat Edna at Redemption Island: Albert tried to get Coach and Brandon to turn on Sophie; Coach, Sophie, and Rick decided it was better to eliminate Brandon. (Why they wouldn’t want to go in front of the jury alongside the emotionally unstable, socially awkward guy who wields his religious reliefs like a fiery weapon is beyond me, but I digress…)
Things got awkward after Brandon won immunity in a wall-climbing/puzzle-solving challenge: Albert got caught in a web of lies, Rick and Sophie got swearin’ mad, and it seemed like everyone took a turn yelling, huffing, or pointing a finger-gun of harsh truth.
Then, in a move I still can’t quite believe, Albert approached Brandon and said “you’re making me look like a bad dude.” And because Brandon seems to think there’s nothing worse than coming off as less-than-honorable on Survivor — or possibly because he hates women? — he agreed to give Albert his immunity necklace at Tribal Council and vote for Sophie.
Vital to Brandon’s plan, however, was winning Coach’s buy-in. “You know that by now, God speaks to me.” Brandon said, somewhat menacingly, as he shared his change in allegiance with Coach. “If we can’t forgive our brother, our heavenly father will not forgive us.”
Coach then strolled down the beach, dramatically got on his knees in front of the cameras, and prayed to be filled with the “Holy Spirit of divine interpretation and wisdom.” When he came up for air, he said God had filled his head with the name of the person who needed to be voted off. “My soul has never grieved like it does in this moment,” Coach added, which makes me think he’s had a pretty cushy life up till now.
At Tribal, Brandon gave his necklace to Albert (awww), but when it started to look like Brandon might not be safe, Albert refused to reciprocate the gesture. “I don’t think he’s gonna go home tonight, so I’m not gonna give this necklace back,” Albert said, closely approximating that scene in a horror movie where two friends head into a darkened basement, and one of ’em says, “Um…I don’t have great night vision. You go first.”
And that’s how Brandon got sent to Redemption Island (or “Ozzy’s pleasure dome,” as Sophie calls it). And now I’m curious about your thoughts: Who will win and who should win Survivor: South Pacific. I’m gonna go out on a limb and say Coach (blech) will win, and Sophie (yay!) should win. Take our polls below to share your theories, then hit the comments to elaborate!