Survivor: South Pacific: Who'll Be the Next to Go?

The Upolu 6 became the Upolu 5 on this week’s episode of Survivor: South Pacific, and the heightened pressure led to crazy promises including but not limited to this wild-eyed doozy: “I’ll eat a piece of his stool.”

Oh, Edna, let’s hope no one holds you to your word, sister!

Anyhorror, before we get to that scatological sound bite, let’s do a brief rundown on how the week in Probstville played out:

* Edna, still smarting from discovering she was her tribe’s sixth wheel, excused herself from morning prayers. (Hey, I’d drop out of any activity that forced me to hold Brandon’s hand, too.) Later, she seethed to Coach that she couldn’t believe her destinty was being dictated by “a 19-year-old high-school dropout who’s advertised that he’s crazy.” Didn’t she realize that’s exactly the reason Coach would want to go up against Brandon in front of a jury?

* Ozzy narrowly beat Cochran in the Redemption Island duel. (He’s totally gonna win this season, isn’t he?)

* The remaining castaways got Sprint-sponsored messages from loved ones. “She’s beautiful!” said Brandon, looking at a 3D image of Rick’s wife. Later, after Rick pinched his wife’s behind, I imagined Brandon rallying his fellow alliance members to turn against the harlot for tempting him to commit sins of the flesh: “She makes me wanna do bad things! Stone her! STONE HER!”

* Ozzy got to choose a trio of Upolu-ites to spend the day with their family members, and selected Albert, Coach, and (ugh) Brandon for the honors. Coach took on the role of spitting out pro-Sprint sound bites, while Brandon’s dad (who Probst slyly introduced as “Russell Hantz’s brother”) took on the role of Creepy McCreeperston. When Brandon said he wanted to play the game in Jesus Christ’s footsteps, his dad reminded him of the Eleventh and Twelfth Commandments: “You came to win $1 million” and “God wants you to put your family in a good position.” Daddie Dearest then approached Coach and told him Brandon would blindly follow his instructions for the rest of the game. (No wonder that kid is such a mess!)

* Coach approached Ozzy and told him he wanted to go up against him in front of the jury. “I’m giving you my word — as a Christian man,” he said, which in Coach’s mind, is much more significant than merely saying “I’m giving you my word.” (Apparently, Coach’s version of the Commandments contains a lot of fine print.)

* Coach won immunity in a “pineapple” challenge where Brandon openly taunted Edna. Sophie later confessionalized that this might not have been the smartest game play, despite Brandon’s subsequent apology, because “on Survivor, people are not as forgiving as Jesus Christ.”

* Edna made a mildly compelling case to Coach that based on Upolu’s mantra of “honor, loyalty, and integrity,” she deserved to outlast Brandon. Later, she told Sophie and Albert that she would dine on Coach’s excrement if he wasn’t down with her plan to vote off Brandon. But at no point did Edna seem to bring up the biggest reason for keeping her around: No one would vote to give the $1 million to a player with no strategic or social edge in the game.

* Edna lost the vote, 5 to 1, but in more surprising news, Brandon spelled her name correctly!

And now the question becomes, who’ll get voted out next among the Upolu 5? Take our poll below, then hit the comments to weigh in on the week in Survivor, and your theories on who’ll win the season!

Comments are monitored, so don’t go off topic, don’t frakkin’ curse and don’t bore us with how much your coworker’s sister-in-law makes per hour. Talk smart about TV!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

23 Comments
  1. rjcarr says:

    Pretty good episode … is there any chance at all that Edna beats Ozzy? They sure set it up that way.

    • JB says:

      They also made it seem in promos that cochran beat ozzy—he almost did, but who knows.

      • Sean says:

        My Random Thoughts:

        How Brutal was it that Papa Hantz told Brandon that he was “here to do a job”, and played the ‘guilt in the name of God’ card, saying that God wants him to win so that it puts their family in a good position. I think it’s safe to say that Sean Hantz won’t be winning any ‘Father of the Year’ awards anytime soon. No wonder this kid is screwed up.

        When Coach made a deal with Ozzy to go together to the Final Three, he swore on it “as a Christian man.” Then Benjamin told us that if he says “as a Christian man”, then it is an irrevocable promise. Other than that, anything he says might be total BS. I guess it’s his own version of Simon Says.

        At the beginning of the Duel, did anyone else notice that that the Buff Burning Urn was unlit ? Does anyone else find that odd? Are you telling me that after the Duel (or (Non) Duel) is over, someone comes out with a BBQ lighter and fires it up just to burn the Buff? Do the players have to wait until the fire gets hot enough? Wouldn’t it be a good twist to have the Duel be “Here’s a flint. Go light that urn?”

        If you’re looking for more to read on Survivor after you’re done here, I hope you’ll check out my recap at http://sfurfaro.blogspot.com/2011/12/survivor-south-pacific-recap-second.html or you can just click my name.

        • Josh says:

          Hey Sean- if you have to constantly come here and post comments to get people to read your blog, it must suck.
          World, do not click on Sean’s link. Who knows, it might be a virus…

    • CJ says:

      There’s always a chance. In a head-to-head, you should always take Ozzy, but that doesn’t mean he’s a sure thing.

    • Beth says:

      I don’t think they would show that if she was going to win. A red herring, perhaps? I hope she does win though, because I can’t stand Ozzy (and I am aware that probably puts me in the minority.)

      • Jennifer says:

        Beth, you’re not alone!!! Ozzie and Benjamin (Coach) are the 1st two people I don’t want to win. Tired of the producers putting in people who’ve played multiple times and introduce them as the leaders. Save those unsuccessful multiple time contestants for the All-Star Survivors. I hope they don’t bring little Hantz father back as a contestant. Soooo tired of the Hantzs!!!

        Can we start fresh bringing in new players and enjoy (or hate) how they interact with their fellow contestants? Lets enjoy watching the stories develop rather than watching the manipulation of the producers. For example, they wanted Boston Rob to win so after the merge every challenge was a puzzle which Boston Rob was good at. If you notice we haven’t seen a puzzle challenge since the merge because neither Ozzie or Coach Benjamin are good at puzzle solving. Come to think have we EVER seen Coach win at anything? He’s excellent on using Christianity to deceive ones like Brandon. Why didn’t Edna let Brandon know that Coach had made out like God had helped him find the idol when he had had it all the while, laughing at Brandon while he searched high and low for it. Brandon thinks God is on Coach’s side (isn’t just like some so-called ministers to use religion to dupe the weak?). We know that Brnndon is a few clicks from losing it (especially after Daddy talked to him_) and he should know the TRUTH about the man he seems to worship.

  2. E says:

    Love Slezak’s posts – on anything!

    I don’t understand Coach. He’s giving his Christian word to take Ozzy so why bother with Brandon? If that’s his logic, then he should have gone along with Edna’s guilt trip too.

    Also, was Coach a Christian man on his prior stints…I didn’t recall that.

    I’ll be bummed if anyone other than Ozzy, Sophie, or Albert wins. Although I think Albert/Sophie should have made their big move when they had the chance to collect Dawn/Whitney/Cochran and the majority – though the jury would have been tough sledding.

    IF the final 3 is Coach/Brandon/Rick (is that his name)? What a letdown.

    Slezak – the preview (I know I know) made it seem like it was a puzzle for the Redemption “island” duel and that Edna had a shot at winning. I really want Ozzie to have a chance to get back in, even if he doesn’t win.

  3. jef says:

    Coach is such a hypocrite and Ozzy is so arrogant. Who to root for in this hot mess of a group? I might have to go with the pretty eye candy Albert.

  4. John says:

    Agreed, Ozzy is an arrogant jackass who needs to CUT HIS HAIR. My God, that bugs me. I’m rooting hardcore for Edna at this next duel, even though this game is so fixed that Ozzy will probably win.

  5. John says:

    Agreed, Ozzy is an arrogant jackass who needs to CUT HIS HAIR. My God, that bugs me. I’m rooting hardcore for Edna at this next duel, even though this game is so fixed that Ozzy will probably win. And Brandon is such a little annoying jerk, too.

  6. CJ says:

    I’d like to see anyone besides Coach or Brandon win. Brandon is starting to look like a concentration camp survivor.

  7. Travis says:

    Tired of Things being Rigged.

    Edna vs. Ozzy.

    Well for Starters..i want Edna to win, but i put all my bets on ozzy i d be really shocked! its gonna be the most interesting redemption so far! im really looking forward to too! you have Brandon, Coach, Albert, Rick, and Sophie.

    Brandona and coach dont derseve to win, they are so ignorant. terrribly rotten.

    Albert and Sophie- i d be okay with one of them winning.

    Rick- is fine too, but i dont see it in him, im really puzzled by him actually. i dont hate him tho.

    Goodluck Edna! Ozzy come back and Kicks Coachs Butt!! win!

  8. Cici says:

    I would like Ozzy to win. After beating all those people on Redemption, at least he would be deserving. If he doesn’t win, I’d like it to be Albert, if not Albert, then Sophie. Don’t want Coach to win. He could have kept Edna over Brandon with the same result, i.e. if he carried either of them to the final, he would have had a pretty good chance of winning the million. He never even seriously considered Edna’s proposition, choosing to keep the conflicted and confused drama king instead. Coach’s ego might be his undoing. He can’t be sincere when he tells Ozzie that he would like to go to the final with him (because he considers them both “warriors”?) He’s got to be BSing Ozzie because he might be a lot of things but he is no dummy. Rick needs to go, though. He hasn’t done anything since this game started so it would be a travesty for him to be in the final three. They had better get rid of him before he sneaks into the final 3 and gets a chance at winning.

    • Jennifer says:

      Ozzie would have lost the first challenge on Redemption Island had it been a puzzle which is the weakest part of his and Coach’s game. Have you notice that there have been no puzzle challenges since the merge as compared to last season when EVERY challenge was a puzzle for Boston Rob, who was GREAT at puzzles would have the best chance of winning.

  9. Jordan says:

    This is one of the worst seasons ever. Every person on the Upolu tribe is SO unlikeable! Not to mention there is ZERO strategizing. SO LAME.

  10. Brenda says:

    This really is the worst season ever. The editing is dreadful. We have no idea who sophie, Rick or Albert are really like – so far 3 blank canvassed and how are they managing for food with Ozzie gone? Think this will be
    My last time watching. I hope that Brandon gets the therapeutic help he so obviously needs. I know he makes for “good” tv, but feel it was irresponsible for such a fragile personality to be exploited in this way.

  11. Brenda says:

    And how are they managing for food? No food auctions – are they being fed each day? Ozzie the fisherman is on redemption. Most of the daily life around camp has been edited out – BORING

    • Rick says:

      We don’t see day-to-day life because we need time for these all-important Redemption Island duels, meant to figure out which eliminated Survivor gets to return- a stupid twist in and of itself because once you’re out, you should be out. We’ve gotten no insight on any of these players, except for Coach, Ozzy, Brandon, Cochran (way too much on Cochran for someone out at Top 8), with a bit but not much on Albert and Dawn. Can’t stand Ozzy’s arrogance- I hope Edna sends him home- but the Ozzy:Edna footage ratio is too high for Edna to beat him. We can only choose favorites based on personalities because no one has any sense of strategy other than “make a deal on Day 1 and stick with it until the end,” sort of like last season. The editing seems to be setting up a Brandon-Coach-Ozzy Final Three, and in that case, I think we can plan to see Ozzy win, with Coach in second and Brandon in third. And I can’t stand any of those three.

  12. Sandra says:

    For a doctor, Edna sure didn’t seem to use her brain after she found out that she was next to go. All she did was pout, whine and threaten. Then the one person she picks as a better option to be sent home was the last person she should have chosen. Anyone with half a brain is going to keep Brandon around at this point as someone they can beat at the finals.

    She should have gone to Rick and Coach and tried to get them to vote out Albert who is the biggest physical threat at a challenge, and who has made a point of not doing anything around camp just so that he can be better at challenges. She also could have tried to get the others to vote out Rick who hasn’t done too much this far, at least from what we have seen.

    I was glad to see her whiny, complaining, non-strategical self go. At this point, if you cannot strategize, you have no business being there.

  13. nodak says:

    I am tired of Survivor bringing back past players, and then having the past player’s tribe follow blindly along and allow the past player to make every decision. It is hugely boring. Let’s have a whole group of new people who have to figure things out on their own.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 2,597 other followers