Since the American Music Awards, which aired Sunday on ABC, honor chart-toppers, we decided to work up our rundown of the show’s highlights (and, of course, lowlights, too) in Top 20 format. Ready to read your way to No. 1? Let’s (rock and) roll!
20 | When Maroon 5 won Best Pop/Rock Band/Duo/Group, it disproved once and for all the theory that Maroon 5 is just Adam Levine. Or did it?
19 | Jennifer Hudson was so cinched into her dress that she accidentally (inevitably, it seemed) bumped her own boob before announcing that Nicki Minaj had won Best Rap/Hip-Hop Artist, which, in turn, led to…
18 | … the cotton-candy-haired rapper making the longest entrance of the entire ceremony. You know that song “These Boots Are Made For Walking”? She should’ve worn those boots.
17 | Enrique Iglesias reminded us that he might be better at smoldering than singing.
16 | The lead singer of OneRepublic broke up what felt like a 30-minute song by tossing his guitar what looked like a city block away to a stage hand. Impressive. Now about that 30-minute song…
15 | Kelly Clarkson performed a jazzy version of her latest single while dressed as Ginger from Gilligan’s Island and surrounded by the cast of Newsies.
14 | That one guy from Hot Chelle Rae – you know the one – reset the bar for flat-ironed hair. You had to see it to believe it.
13 | We were told that Drake is the bee’s knees. But then we didn’t “get” his performance, a sort of droning rap thingy. Which just made us feel like squares.
12 | We felt even worse for Modern Family’s Julie Bowen and Sarah Hyland than we did for ourselves after we didn’t “get” Drake. Their scripted presenterbabble was just plain bad.
11 | Wearing a get-up from the Dale Bozzio Collection (look her up, youngsters!), Minaj opened the show performing with some (apparently very gassy) Transformers.
10 | Beyonce and Rihanna – both beamed in for award acceptance speeches – sounded about as enthusiastic as telemarketers.
9 | When Levine finished singing “Moves Like Jagger,” Christina Aguilera kept right on going. Take that.
8 | Daughtry thoughtfully tested the venue’s fire alarms by setting off a series of huge hibachis during their noisy number on the set of Stonehenge.
7 | Chris Brown offset his Susan Powter hairdo with enough chains and bracelets to make even Mr. T go, “I pity the fool.”
6 | In between commercials for that car she’s always peddling, J.Lo performed a mash-up of her latest hits that included Chippendales dancers on alpaca stilts, contortionists having spasms and… oh, come on! A special guest appearance by that damn car she’s always peddling!
5 | Marc Anthony sang so intensely that his forehead became a terrifying mass of throbbing veins. And he still couldn’t upstage J.Lo or her stinkbug car.
4 | Justin Bieber performed his Christmas single in some of Michael Jackson’s hand-me-down pleather. We would not want to be there when the giants from whom his supersized glow sticks clearly were stolen realize they are missing at their next rave.
3 | Pink sang Katy Perry’s newest single. No, wait, that was Katy Perry. Someone just painted her pink, right down to her guitar, before sending her on stage. What a thing to do to an award winner!
2 | Artist of the Year Taylor Swift thanked her fans for caring about the lyrics, a sentiment that only seemed sweeter when it was followed by…
1 | … LMFAO singing about “the passion in their pants.” Can’t say the group isn’t entertaining – how could an act that comes off like the result of a three-way between Weird Al, Richard Simmons and Howard Stern not be entertaining? They even scored cameos by the Biebs and the Hoff. But they do make Right Said Fred seem deep by comparison.
What did you think of the AMAs? Below would be a good place to write down your thoughts…