The X Factor Top 10 Performance Night: Follow Along With Our Pithy Judgments

It’s Rock Week on The X Factor, so brace yourself for an overdose of heavy-metal hair thrashing via Nicole Sporeblinger, various instances of rock-and-roll hand from Paula Abdul, and at least three cases of L.A. Reid indignantly declaring “I’ve never heard that song before!” [UPDATE: Read Slezak’s full episode recap here.]

If you don’t want to face those kinds of shenanigans alone, then please consider this live blog post as your pithy, mildly inebriated viewing companion.

The X Factor Top 12: Strengths, Weaknesses, and Suggested Song Choices

As the episode rolls on, I’ll update you on who’s performed what and offer my opinions of said performances in five words or less. So keep refreshing the page for all the good, the bad, and the inevitable cover of Janis Joplin’s “Piece of My Heart.” (Prove me wrong, mentors!)

LeRoy Bell: Bob Seger’s “We’ve Got Tonight” — Pretty but paint by numbers.
Rachel Crow: Rolling Stones’ “(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction” — Rough opening, strong finish. Believable?
Chris Rene: Bob Marley’s “Everything’s Gonna Be Alright”/”No Woman No Cry” Not flawless, but fierce. Marketable!
Stacy Francis: Meatloaf’s “It’s All Coming Back to Me Now” — Oh how awful.
Melanie Amaro: REM’s “Everybody Hurts” — That just made me cry.
Josh Krajcik: Foo Fighters’ “The Pretender” — Sound Mix, 1; Josh, 0.
Astro: Puff Daddy’s “I’ll Be Missing You” — A tad hectic? (Hella talented)
Lakoda Rayne: The Outfield’s “Your Love”/Fleetwood Mac’s “Go Your Own Way” — Solid but somewhat desperate?
Drew Ryniewicz: U2’s “With Or Without You” — True fact: I’ll download tomorrow.
Marcus Canty: Janis Joplin’s “Piece of My Heart” — Very fun. Those sleeves, though! (Also: I might actually be psychic. Or else I just watch too much reality TV.)