Big Brother Recap: Into the HOHmestretch

Now that you’ve (presumably) watched Thursday night’s final P.O.V. competition of the season and whooped as the fourth-place finisher sauntered off to Chenbot’s Nook, tell me: Does this all-too-tame season suddenly feel as exhausting to you as it does to me?

The competition accelerated so quickly this week that I don’t remember what was happening even seven days ago. Was I rooting for Shelly then? Or Daniele? Or, like, Cassi? A lifetime has passed in three days, distorting all sense of time. Now we’re headlong into Big Brother 13’s final act, and luckily, the game is as alive – not to mention as weird, disappointing, and kinda exciting – as ever. I can’t believe it either.

Frightening grunter Adam towered as HOH this week, and it’s impossible to justify his newfound status. Believe me, I tried. To decode Adam’s gameplay in Street Fighter II terms, he’s a sedated version of Zangief, the slow-moving, yielding wrestler who only has a chance of destroying opponents when they all but place themselves in his grasp. He’s up against the anxious airborne sumo wrestler E. Honda in Rachel, who throws her weight where she pleases, the stretchy yoga master Dhalsim in Porsche, who subverts her own un-threatening speed with decent calculation, and Guile in Jordan, the all-American champ whose skill set is surprisingly limited. The point is, all three ladies are worthier, fiercer competitors than Adam, so there’s no use chalking his position up to anything other than a fluke.

That didn’t stop him from jeopardized opponents from appealing to his throne. Porsche, the only other newbie left in the game, used Dhalsim logic to level with Adam. If he ended up in the final two with her, Porsche noted, “I think we both have a running shot of winning.” And she’s right: While plenty of the vets (if not all, aside from Daniele) would vote for Adam to win, Porsche is a downright better player who could still pull off a victory. As far as Zangief and Dhalsim go, both are slow fighters, but Dhalsim has a certain knowing behind his calm. I can’t believe I’m arguing that Porsche is “knowing” in any way, but surely no one can say that she’s less savvy than Adam. Exactly.

Jordan’s appeal to Adam was less a plea and more of a huffy tirade against Porsche. Of course. “She doesn’t deserve to be in the final three!” she screamed, before telling us, “She uses her feminine ways and bats her eyes and like, says, ‘Adam, save me!’ trying to get her way. It just fustrates [sic] me!” Mind you, Jordan’s alliance with Jeff is built on a foundation of eye-bats, feminine ways, and frisky fustration, so I have to gawp again at her fun lack of self-awareness. Plus, her statement isn’t even true. Porsche’s done little to appeal to anyone, especially Adam, and she happens to be terrible at bargaining. Let’s hear a crack about that! But avast, in the end, Jordan and Porsche’s campaigns fell on deaf, elf-suited ears: Adam nominated them both for eviction, leaving Rachel to giggle absently like a wind-up doll.

Since the HOH’s privileges extend only as far as immunity in a final four situation, the winner of the P.O.V. challenge would be granted not only his/her own immunity, but the sole vote in the next eviction. The Street Fighter metaphor is about to come to an exhilarating climax, so hold on tight, my loves: As Jordan, Rachel, and Adam blundered in their cells during a houseguest memory challenge that involved stacking blocks and trial-and-error permutations, Porsche planned ahead for her stacking – using that slow yoga cool to outwit her opponents and eventually finish the puzzle first. Her colleagues played too offensively and lost the thread early on; it was Porsche’s careful, methodical strategy that earned her the final P.O.V. victory and saved her from eviction. Unfortunately for the remaining veterans, this meant both of them would be eligible for eviction and Porsche’s sole vote.

I admit that I had trouble deciding whether Porsche chose the correct candidate to leave — at first. Consider her dilemma: Keeping Jordan means potentially playing against her in the final two, losing jury votes from Rachel, Jeff, Brendon, and (likely) Shelly, and forfeiting the $500,000. Keeping Rachel means keeping a harsh physical challenger who is more likely to outplay her and garner the jury votes of Adam, Brendon, Jordan, and Jeff. Porsche would lose there too. Ultimately, she opted to evict Jordan over Rachel, which is nothing if not just, based on gameplay and Jordan’s previous victory alone. Sadly, though, it flat-out seems like the wrong decision in retrospect. Jordan’s mediocre performance in physical challenges is the boost Porsche needed to earn the final HOH, and if Porsche eliminated Jordan before the final two, she might be guaranteed a victory against Adam with the votes of Rachel (who considers her a better player than Adam), then Brendon, Daniele, Kalia, and Shelly. My tally there may be inexact, but keeping Jordan certainly meant a cleaner road to the finale than keeping Rachel.

And yet, Jordan’s eviction may have been worth it for her exiting snipe at Porsche alone: “I know you love wearing bikinis and hosting competitions,” she snarled, adding that she’d not spent much time with Porsche during their entire 69-day cohabitation. Welp! That’s actually Jordan’s fault, not Porsche’s. But don’t tell Jordan that now – she’s too busy gurgling with fury at Porsche’s “feminine ways” while exhibiting the full spectrum of feminine ways.

What do you think of the final three? Who will win the final HOH? Does Adam have a shot of winning — in any case? Are you rooting for Rachel? Are we rooting for Daniele to reenter the game at the eleventh hour and win? (Let’s sign a petition!) Leave your theories in the comments, read me regularly at Movieline.com, and follow me on Twitter at @louisvirtel!

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44 Comments
  1. Riz says:

    Never thought I would be saying this, but I am rooting for Rachel to win. She is the only one who deserves it. I could not stand her in her season, but she has really grown on me and is so much better playing without Brendoooon. She was always good at comps, she really needed to up her social game, which she did (with the help of Jordan). Sure she is slightly off her rocker, but that is also what makes her fun to watch.

    • ThereasonsY says:

      If ANYONE told me that I would be voting for Rachel to do anything but a live reenactment of the Hunger Games where she was any girl but Katniss I would have laughed in their faces. She is one of the absolutely most annoying people I have ever watched on TV and I can’t stand her. That being said, if she doesn’t get that check I will grab my torch and burn down Chenbot Manor. Rachel has EARNED this win more than any other player I have ever watched including Evil Dick. She wasn’t kidding in the hammock meltdown when she said that she ruined everything because she ruined my blind hatred of her and has earned my respect. Rachel FTW.

    • Ash says:

      I agree! I think Rachel started to play the game alot better once Brendon left. As annoying as she might get at times, she’s played the game well. Go Rachel!

    • mandd01 says:

      Please, please,please hire someone else to write this next year. This writer is completely biased, and mean to boot.

      • bethany says:

        I think the author is smoking crack. Jordan snarled? Really? I laughed out loud at Jordan’s last comment. I also totally agree, we the viewing audience did not really get to know Porsche very well either, but we do know she likes wearing bikinis and hosting comps. Jordan was not trying to use her feminine wiles on Adam either. The article stated she threw a “huffy tirade” at Adam. So which one is it? Did she bat her eyes to try to get her way, or bully poor, defenseless Adam. Because you can’t do both. I have never read such inconsistent drivel in my life.

        • tripoli says:

          Agreed! The “writer”s” obvious dislike of Jeff and Jordan clearly affects his viewing of the show. Jordan was pretty sweet the whole episode, and in no way snarled or had a huffy tirade. She clearly new it was her turn to go, even going so far as to admit that she deserved to be the one to go over Rachel, based on comp performance. Her final comment to Porsche was not mean spirited, just the best she could come up with based on her(and ours) limited knowledge of Porsche. Let’s all start a petition to get a new reviewer for next year. Virtel has got to go!

  2. Sivat says:

    This show’s still on? I stopped watching when Daniele got evicted.

    • Riz says:

      Ya, we know and we don’t care that you are “claiming” you are not watching anymore. Why waste your time posting that?

    • Ron Swanson says:

      The same comment by Sivat, on yet another BB recap. Why do you feel the need to post this every time? BTW I’m not a Dani hater. I like her and all, but geez calm down a bit Sivat.

    • Lee says:

      Really? That’s a shame…that’s when this season finally got good…

  3. Jennifer says:

    Rachel definitely deserves 1st place. I’m so proud of her & the changes she has made to her attitude when she wins a competition. Would have loved to see Rachel and Jordan in the final 2 but you know what as long as RACHEL is in the final 2 and WINS 1ST PLACE thats all that matters….she can use the money to move back to Vegas after she dumps Brenden….she does so much better without him. He never lets her talk & at times I think makes her doubt her own thoughts & feelings. Take the money & run Rachel. You’ll be much better off.

    • Karen MT says:

      Now if only her attitude when she LOSES a competition would improve. Jordan handled that a heck of a lot better last night. Rachel sobbed, but Jordan was like “oh well, I know it’s coming.”

  4. The WB Frog says:

    Rachel deserves (can I be saying this???) to win. That said, Adam and Porsche will be final 2 and Adam will win this gosh awful worst season ever.

    • Russ says:

      WHAT!!!!??? You think Adam will win…..? I’m not to sure about that.
      If Porsche and Adam are the final two idk who would win.
      Dani – Porsche (she hates Adams “floating”)
      Jeff – Adam
      Kalia – Porsche
      Jordan – Adam
      Rachel, Shelly, and Brenden are a toss up. Rachel has stated that she likes competitors in the house but if Porsche is the reason she leaves she might go bitchy and vote against her. Brenden was kinda in a alliance with Adam so him might vote for him and Porsche went to the other side, but he could think she deserves it more that him. Shelly was close with Adam and Porsche, she was in a alliance with both so…
      But if Adam does win I will die, even Cassi who got out 2nd deserves it more than him.

  5. Chris says:

    The bias here is awesome. Way to add lots of inflection that was nowhere on TV. She snarled? Seriously?

  6. kelly says:

    Wow I TOTALLY disagree w the writer! DUH Jordan doesn’t use her feminine ways! She’s his girlfriend that’s how its suppose to be and I’m pretty sure she doesn’t do tht to anyone else but Jeff… unlike Porsche! And Jordan uses her kindness and caring not her feminine ways…. uhhhh wht else would Porsche use if it wasn’t her looks ??! Duh Ohhh people make me laugh. I’m shocked to say as well as everyone else I too am now rooting for Rachel! Lol Porsche has played both sides n gotten by by her teeth… Adam would be better than her! At least he’s a good person n whether u want to admit it or not he IS very smart.

  7. Spice says:

    Rachel for the win, she is a survivor, and she is the best player out of them all. She is the last VET standing and will have that bragging right. I am hoping she wins and I am also voting for her as Americas Favorite Player. This is the first year you can vote for any player not just the jury members.

  8. buffy522 says:

    Rachel! She has stepped up her social game and is a great competitor. She was a main target from the beginning and since she fearlessly won first HOH, she started making enemies immediately. The fact that she stuck with her alliance all the way, and I think would have stuck with Danielle if not for the Jeff back stab, is also a plus for her. Porsche was safe for eight weeks? She is pretty good at competitions, but social? no. strategic. no. Adam. Lucky.

  9. O'Brien says:

    Rachel FTW. I would have never said that until after Brendan left – the second time – but she’s gotten from that point to this one on sheer force of will at times. I respect it. Porsche has, at times, been able to hold it together, but I just don’t think she’s had as tough a road to hoe – she had Danielle to hide behind for a long while, and Kahlia to some extent as well. Adam…well, he’s Adam. Also, and I could be wrong about this, but in a game where people get slammed for not being honest (though they should absolutely lie – this isn’t summer camp; it’s a competition for $500K), really, how untruthful has Rachel been? She was in a very transparent alliance from day one, and didn’t really stab anyone in the back. I think it’d be great if she won.

    • linda says:

      i agree completely not a fan of hers but she deserves to win.rachel fought all the way to get where she is now the other two floated there way through

  10. Kim says:

    I am also wanting Rachel for the win. Love her competitive spirit. Would have loved Jordan and Rachel in the finals but would be happy with Rachel and Adam with Rachel winning.

  11. darclyte says:

    I think Porsche probably made the wrong decision, but I think either Vet would beat either Newbie in the Final 2. Adam & Porsche need to take each other. They know the first part of the HOH is an endurance which Rachel usually wins and Jordan stinks at. This means that Jordan would have had to win parts 2 & 3 to make it to the Final 2. That’s pretty unlikely, although not impossible. Although Jordan would be harder to beat in the Final 2, had they kept her in the Final 3, she’d have been easier to evict.

    Jordan in F2 against either Adam or Porsche…
    Jordan would have Jeff for sure.
    Pretty much for sure Rachel & Brendon.
    She also most likely would get Shelly and Kalia who both love Jordan.
    Jordan wins.

    Rachel in Final 2 against either Adam or Porsche…
    Rachel will get Brendon, Jeff & Jordan for sure.
    Rachel probably won’t get Dani, Shelly and Kalia…none of whom want to see her win $50K let alone $500K.
    So whichever newbie were to be the last one evicted would probably be the tie breaker.

    Porsche probably would have been better off to evict Rachel although beating Rachel in Final 2 should be easier than it would have been to beat Jordan. But, with Rachel gone, Porsche would have had a much higher chance of sitting in Final 2 with Adam which would be her best shot at winning.

    • Russ says:

      I think her decision to evict Jordan was because Rachel would be easier to beat but also Adam liked Jordan more than Rachel and Porsche, so if Adam does win he could choose Porsche over Rachel but if Jordan was still there he might take her over Porsche.

      I think she made the right decision because I think Jordan would have had the most votes over all three of them.

  12. darclyte says:

    First part HOH spoilers below…

    scroll down….

    keep scrolling….

    it’s really no surprise but rachel won the endurance first part of the hoh

    spoiler space….

    more spoiler space….

    End first part of HOH spoiler.

    • darclyte says:

      Hmmm…
      Well, it edited out the spaces that I left in between.
      Good thing I put the name of the winner in small letters and in the middle of the sentence so it doesn’t stand out.
      Next time I’ll try to remember to put * in each line so maybe it’ll keep the spaces.
      D’oh!

  13. D says:

    I was “rooting” for Rachel to win, if only because everyone else was a worse choice, but now I’m thinking I want Porsche to win now. She’s proven to be a competitor, but her chances are looking pretty bad with Rachel in the final three. Shouldn’t have got rid of Jordan.

    • D says:

      oh, and to expand on my choice, Rachel is a gigantic hypocrite. Kalia loses and cries, she laughs in the DR like Woody Woodpecker on weed. RACHEL LOSES, and here comes the tears. Could anyone be more of a bad sport? Say what you will about Jordan as a gameplayer(and I will to; she sucks) she at least had a modicum of class when she left. If Rachel ever got evicted, she’d snark her way out with a “looks like you guys came between me and MY MAN!”

      • Michael says:

        (1) Rachel usually always cries when she loses something and knows she’s going home. That’s exactly what she expected since she’s the bigger target. She actually tried to console Kalia after she lost, and in the DR said “Cry me a river; you’ve been gunning for me.” That’s basically what EVERYONE has said about Rachel, minus the gunning and adding the “B—h” comments.
        (2) Rachel HAS been evicted before and she *did* walk out without saying goodbye to anyone, but I think this season’s Rachel would definitely have more “class” than that.
        Regardless, TEAM RACHEL!!!

  14. diamond pov says:

    Face it, jordan’s a b!tch

    • satindoll says:

      I agree…just because she speaks in a baby doll voice and southern accent doesn’t make her a sweet girl. I think the reviewer here is right on in his review

  15. Sivat says:

    Porsche is the only one left who deserves to win.

    • linda says:

      what has she done to derserve to win!! nothing she hid behind better players,and sided with who waS on top that weak.

      • Sivat says:

        Porsche has won plenty of competitions, and unlike the others, Porsche is actually likable and a good person. Rachel’s a bitch, a sore loser, and hella annoying. Adam is a jackass and a jerk. Neither one deserve half a million dollars. Porsche is nice and deserves the money.

  16. badmove porsch says:

    she shoulda evicted rachel cuz rachel is the best competitor and has the best chance of getting to the final 2 and prob wouldn’t take porsche – and rach – is guaranteed a win over adam – despite her annoyance and bad game play , she’s a ‘competitor’ and with a vet in the final 2, she gets automatic3votes and can sway one more

  17. Marlon says:

    I can’t believe I am saying this, but Rachel deserves to win. She is fierce competitor, even though she is a sore loser. Not to mention giving me one of the best laughs this season with her crying and uttering to brendon “that’s why I am hiding in the bushes”. Porsche a close 2nd, and Adam is nothing but a MAJOR floater who does not even deserve 50k, and let’s be real, if its porsche and Adam in the final 2 I think porsche will win 7-0. No one likes a floater making it to the end on everyone else’s back.

  18. lacey says:

    I want Rachel to win! Adam and Porsche have floated by while Rachel has actually been playing. Adam’s loyalty flips constantly so not to anger those with power, and Porsche has just hid behind stronger players.

    Louis, you’re obviously not a Jordan fan but could you try to be a little less biased. Jordan and Jeff are a couple, she’s not using him.

  19. sam says:

    i’m rooting for porsche, even if rachel’s spunk the past couple of weeks has rehabilitated her a character a little bit (a LITTLE bit). also, everyone is knocking porsche for playing the game “on day 55″ (ugh jeff). however, she had the golden key until the top 10, she had no need to play the game (and was excluded from competitions if i remember correctly). once she was able to play, and the whole jeff/dani debacle was over, she began winning competitions and playing fairly well. also, while i definitely don’t think jordan “snarled” that last line at porsche, i do think it was unnecessary and big talk for a girl who slept just as much and rode the coattails of her partners the entire game.

    • tripoli says:

      There is more to the game than competitions. Porsche did nothing when she had the golden key. No strategy, no real building of alliances, nothing. I do give her credit lately for winning comps when she needs to, but her and Adam are still not worthy of being top 3.

  20. Shar says:

    Very weird article. I don’t mind if a writer has an opinion, but outright lies are not cool. Jordan did not scream or snarl, by any stretch of the imagination. Porsche does bat her eyes at Adam and try to sway him; she was doing it again last night, trying to convince him to take her to final 2. I am rooting for Big Red, and hope Porsche is next out. I also hope this writer is replaced because he is terrible.

  21. Paul says:

    Louis, all of those big words you are using are only going to frustrate the Jeff and Jordan fans even further. Keep it up!

  22. Jenn says:

    I thought you stopped watching when Daniele got evicted..?

  23. Jason S says:

    It was pretty equal on who she voted out. YEs Rachel is a better competitor and harder to beat then Jordan for the final HOH. But if ADam wins the last HOH he for sure would have took Jordan. Now he might choose Porsche over Rachel.

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