Big Brother Recap: Spelling Disaster

Let’s call Big Brothers‘s P.O.V. episodes “Whisper Wednesdays,” because we just spent a whole hour watching housemates spoon, giggle, and murmur strategies. Teehee! Conspiracies! Guh-her! Pillow fight! Backdoor betrayals! Wee! Whatever, fine by me. Season 13 needs shaking up, and the strange rift growing among the veterans (even in whispers) is turning Big Brother 13 into something of a nail-biter. Finally.

Last time, Rachel renominated the oh-so-targetable duo of Adam and Dominic. I’m not prepared to let go of Dominic, who remains one of the game’s more fascinating players, but I’m doubly prepared to sack Adam, whose fabricated obsessions with metal and Beverly Hills 90210 render him a worse nuisance than Brenchal’s fights. And their fights make a hoarse brench sound! Sad, Adam.

Following that nomination at the top of last night’s episode, Rachel approaches the nominated duo and suggests working out a deal. Dominic and Adam mutter and seem compliant, but it isn’t until later when Dominic works out a separate plan with Rachel to throw the P.O.V. challenge and set up Adam for elimination that a scheme seems set. Hooray! It’s like I’m in the Dominic-Rachel alliance, waiting for Brillo-bearded Adam to surrender to my manipulations.

We soon watch as unlikely companions Dominic and Daniele tease each other and flirt like — what else — dumb Sims. Even dumb Adam is taking notice. Daniele confesses, “It’s a love-hate relationship. He loves me, and I hate him.” A regular Woody Allen hiding in Daniele’s bunny cheekbones, I tell ya! Ratatat-tat with the punchlines! For some reason, Daniele is steadfast in her commitment to Dominic, and when Brendon and Rachel tell her they won’t switch his nomination and backdoor Jeff and Jordan, little Daniele puffs up like a ptarmigan. The grace of her Golden Key immunity is wearing off, and the next leg of the competition will be a rough one for Daniele if she can’t exert more influence.

P.O.V. Challenge: Jeff and Jordan are the third team drawn for this week’s P.O.V. game and Porsche is chosen as host. After all, she’s a “VIP cocktail waitress” and emceeing should be her strong suit. Except for having to read. Right.

The game takes place in a humongous bathtub where three teams will pull at “leg hairs” on a giant dummy. Those giant hairs (more like Noodle tubes for doggy-paddling children) feature letters of the alphabet on the “root,” and the teams must race to retrieve the most letters and arrange them to spell the longest word. Jeff’s inclusion is hilarious because he tried spelling “technotronic” during a similar challenge in his original season. Couple things about that: 1) He not only spelled it wrong, but 2) Technotronic is the Belgian band that sang “Pump Up the Jam.” It’s not a word. Failing is always a multifaceted treat when Jeff does it.

Except in this game, Brendon races to the lead by spelling the 13-letter-word “UNDERSTANDING.” Very impressive! It’s everyone else who is braindead this time: Rachel writes “MOUISTURIZING,” which reminds me of my new nickname, Louis-turizing. Jordan spells “LITTLE,” opting not to spell the longer “FARTING” because it’s embarrassing. More embarrassing still? She could’ve spelled “RAFTING.” Adam spells “FRACTIONS,” but he doesn’t spell it as fast as Jeff, who spells “EXPRESSES.”
But Brendon takes the victory with “UNDERSTANDING,” and it’s now official: The P.O.V. power remains in Brenchels’ possession.

This bums out our man Dominic, who remains likable. Look at his unobjectionable shorts! His lame social skills! And the fact that he befriends women who call him a virgin on national television (as exhibited last Thursday)! What’s there not to like about this guy? I say nothing. Yet. But sadly, Dominic’s not sure that Adam will be voted out, so he bugs the little-seen Shelly and requests her vote. Is this “good gameplay”? Try “phenomenally terrible gameplay,” because Shelly, Big Brother‘s own personal Jerri Blank, takes advantage of Dominic’s confidence and immediately informs Brenchal of his two-timing dealmaking. Shelly, you minx! When Rachel catches wind of Dominic’s backstabbing, she squeals, “I can’t believe it!” But I can, because this is Big Brother. Betrayals happen, Rachel. She and the other veterans suspect that Daniele is behind Dominic’s machinations, and they rally around the idea of destroying her as the episode closes.

So, ooh, where does this leave us? Is Shelly an insane turncoat? Will Brenchal screw over Dominic and vote him out tomorrow? Is Daniele’s game over too? Will Lawon and Kalia ever play this game? Hit me in the comments, read me regularly at Movieline.com, and follow me on Twitter @louisvirtel.