Exclusive

Fall TV Mystery: Who Will Parks and Recreation Cast as Tammy No. 1?

When Parks and Recreation introduced us to Ron’s ex, Tammy 2 (Megan Mullally), we were scared. Or so we thought. Now that the NBC hitcom’s season finale has suggested that we’re about to meet her predecessor, Tammy 1, we know the true meaning of fear. What we don’t know is who’s gonna play the queen of mean. A few suggestions:

Glenn Close | We can already hear the Fatal Attraction psycho snarling, “I’m not gonna be ignored, Ron!” Hence, my shuddering on this sweaty May day. And wouldn’t you agree, if she’s ever gonna get to go further over the top than Cruella de Vil, this’ll be the role that lets her do it?

Jan Hooks | The former Designing woman’s 30 Rock guest gig as Jenna’s grizzly mama reminded us just how much we miss seeing her shtick on a regular basis. Besides that, wouldn’t her go-for-broke acting style fit right in among the crazies of Pawnee?

Charlotte Ross | Speaking of scene-stealers we miss… ! This born vixen got her big break playing a teenage hooker on Days of Our Lives. And though she’s most widely known for playing a do-gooder on NYPD Blue, she’s at her best when her characters are doing their worst (see also: Beggars and Choosers, The 5 Mrs. Buchanans).

Lucy Lawless | Thanks to Battlestar Galactica and Spartacus, everybody knows the erstwhile Xena is a force to be reckoned with. But did you know that she’s also funny as all get-out? No? Then you clearly haven’t seen her fooling around with Joel McHale on The Soup, which in my mind, qualifies as reason No. 21,104 why she’s needs to play Tammy 1.

Roseanne | Like Satan, she only needs a single name to strike terror into the hearts of us mere mortals. Unlike Satan, the She-Devil star’s not just intimidating, she’s hysterical, too.

Kim Cattrall | If anybody could treat PnR’s Ron like dirt and still keep him coming back for more, it’s Sex and the City’s libidinous Samantha Jones. Question is, since she’s already so closely associated with one bitchy vamp, would she see in Tammy 1 enough of a challenge to bother taking on another?

Wanda Sykes | Not only do we already know she can bust a guy’s chops with no more than a withering glare (courtesy of… um, pretty much every role she’s ever played), but the thought of how uproarious it would be to see how the censors would handle the legendary pottie mouth talking dirty to Ron makes her perhaps our favorite candidate.

Kirstie Alley | Long before she turned her struggles with weight into a multi-million dollar industry, Alley was an Emmy-winning actress who excelled at playing complicated women — and by “complicated” I mean bat-crap “crazy.”