Dancing With the Stars Finale Results: And the Mirrorball Trophy Goes To…

After all the twists and turns, pratfalls and pitfalls, sambas and salsas– not to mention an endless stream of headline-grabbing delights from the Kirstie Alley School of Tearstained Drama — we’ve come to the end of what may be the most epic season of Dancing With The Stars ever. Can it be? Say it isn’t so!

I’ve indulged my inner beast all season by kvetching non-stop about my string of DWTS pet peeves—um, Dance Troupe, anyone?—but in honor of our new Mirrorball champion (see below) and the close of a mostly sensational Season 12, let’s focus on the positives, shall we?

The Top 5 Best Moments from the Dancing With The Stars Finale:
5. Chris Jericho’s snarky Bruno impression (“I don’t understand half of what you’re saying, but I loooove it!”) rivaled his spot on Len for putting the paddle holder firmly in his place.

4. The Wendy Williams DWTS parody–with Wendy interviewing special guests…Wendy Williams and partner Tony Dovolani, and dissing Chelsea Kane (“I couldn’t tell who wore more eyeliner though, her or Mark Ballas”), Kirstie (“a bawdy brawd”), and Tony himself, was snarky fun, if a tad too tame.

3. We got the beat, baby! C’mon, what an embarrassment of diva-riches this season, with a season-ending stretch over the last three weeks of Adele, Stevie Nicks and ’80s lady legends the Go-Go’s gracing the ballroom stage. I’ll claim amnesia regarding the Macy’s Design a Dance aspect, but to see Belinda Carlisle and company in prime time celebrating the 30th anniversary of their signature album Beauty and the Beat? I fell in line!

2. Forget stone cold Tom and melt my frozen heart, season 12’s cast of stars! The sight of the memorably hapless Wendy Williams, Mike Catherwood, and Sugar Ray Leonard returning triumphantly to the ballroom floor unexpectedly warmed the cockles of my ticker, long after they were deservedly given the heave ho. Unconditional love really does exist. Who knew?

1. Perfection alert! Chelsea and Mark beautifully revisited the Viennese Waltz. Kirstie and Maks’ inaugural cha cha cha got a second hip-swiveling go ’round. Hines and Kim went for a festive samba redux. And all three routines got tens across the board from  Carrie Ann, Len, and Bruno. Charity or not, who cares! That’s what I call paddle power.

Honorable Mentions: The Black Eyed Peas’ light-tastic “Don’t Stop the Party”; season 3 heartbreaker Sarah Evans’ stirring “A Little Bit Stronger”; Catherwood in pink knee highs during a faux-audition tape (Psycho Mike sure knows how to play the self-depracating card!); and Romeo’s inevitable Twitter plug.

With that, let’s launch into the ultimate moment of truth — tonight’s results. And the Mirror Ball trophy (based on a combination of the judges’ scores for the dancers’ Monday- and Tuesday-night performances, and viewer votes cast immediately after Monday night’s broadcast) goes to…

3rd PLACE
Chelsea Kane and Mark Ballas

RUNNER-UP
Kirstie Alley and Maksim Chmerkovskiy

MIRROR BALL CHAMPIONS
Hines Ward and Kym Johnson

“Starting the competition, I never thought I’d be in the finals. I owe it all to Kim, she’s an amazing teacher,” said a gracious Hines, who joins fleet footed luminaries such as Donny Osmond, Kristi Yamaguchi, Robo Brooke Burke (can it be?), and Jennifer Grey on the DWTS champions list. “I want to thank all the fans,” concluded Hines, before lofting the famous mirror ball over his head as the camera panned to a sea of cheering Pittsburgh Steelers fans going bananas for their hero.

But we can’t conclude without a parting word from my girl: “It’s like the most extraordinary adventure I’ve ever been on in my life,” said Kirstie, before adding “I love Maks” and grabbing her man for one last, long embrace.

And with that, it’s your turn. Did seeing the Go-Go’s send you head over heels, too? Were you shocked that Chelsea and Mark didn’t make the final two? Was Maks a little less than gracious to Kirstie in his final speech (“I don’t only have words for Kirstie, but I have words for the previous 9 partners that I had, this is the 10th trophy that I got…”)? And lastly, do you think Hines was indeed the best dancer this season? Sound off in the comments, and let us know in our poll if the right couple went home with the mirrorball trophy! –-Mitch Rustad