Dancing With the Stars: Did the Right Couple Go Home This Week?

Now that we’ve had a full day to digest Monday night’s eight-course tribute to Uncle Sam(ba) — complete with “Urban Cowboy” and “Stars & Stripes” attire — is anyone else feeling gobsmacked that we’re already halfway to crowning a successor to season 11 champ Jennifer Gray? Funny how time flies when you’re pondering Ralph Macchio’s secrets to eternal youth. Then again, doesn’t it feel like six seasons (or at least six months) since “Psycho” Mike Catherwood (more about him in a minute!) stumbled his way through the jive? Such is the power of Dancing With The Stars to keep us samba-rolling along without a second to catch our breath.

That said, once Sugar Ray Leonard hit the glitter-covered canvas last week, we were left with eight fairly evenly matched competitors — and after Monday’s mostly calamity-free proceedings (way to go, Kirstie!) Robo Brooke Burke’s warning to the DWTS nation rang as true as it did ominous: “Don’t assume anyone is safe on judges’ scores alone…” The smart money for tonight’s chopping block, of course, would’ve been on one of Monday night’s lowest-scoring couples: Petra Nemcova and Dmitry Chaplin; Ralph Macchio and Karina Smirnoff; or Kendra Wilkinson and Her Atrocious Attitude.

Beloved spitfire Kirstie Alley and Maksim Chmerkovskiy may have been a mere point ahead of these couples on the Judges’ Leaderboard, but surely my fellow dance-crazed Americans didn’t dare send Ms. Alley packing after her graceful fox trot and Maksim’s memorable flash of temporary-yet-patriotic tattoo?

As always, some semi-irritating, semi-refreshing formalities ensued while the nation bit its collective nails in anticipation: Country superstar Toby Keith performed his classics “Should’ve Been A Cowboy” and “American Soldier,” while the ballroom was transformed into New York City (look, a yellow cab!). And hey, Len even got a Grumpy (of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs) mug from an audience member!

But the real stunner was the aforementioned Mr. Catherwood redeeming himself (if not his jive) with his “Dancing With The Stars Exposed” feature. This LOL-worthy short not only showed Hines loudly passing gas and Chelsie dropping a falsie, but the anything-but-humble Maks uttering the DWTS quote of the night (or perhaps the decade?): “I’m a stick that’s been dipped in like a boiling pot of sex.” For capturing that bon mot, we’ll even forgive the unfortunate socks up to the calves, Psycho Mike. Bravo!

But all formalities aside, here’s the moment of truth — tonight’s results:

NOT IMMEDIATELY SENT TO SAFETY OR OTHERWISE KNOWN AS “IN JEOPARDY”
Kirstie Alley and Maksim Chmerkovskiy
Chris Jericho and Cheryl Burke
Petra Nemcova and Dmitry Chaplin

FINAL TWO COUPLES LEFT “IN JEOPARDY” (THOUGH NOT NECESSARILY THE BOTTOM TWO)
Chris Jericho and Cheryl Burke
Petra Nemcova and Dmitry Chaplin

ELIMINATED
Petra Nemcova and Dmitry Chaplin

“It’s been a life-changing journey for me, and I made amazing friends, and Dmitry put up with me for two months,” said the ever-classy Petra, who joins Catherwood, Wendy Williams and Sugar Ray on the DWTS sidelines of shame (okay, I didn’t really mean that). “Petra is the nicest person that I’ve ever known,” gushed Dmitry, before offering his final bit of praise for the Russian Czech supermodel. “Honestly, I’m really proud of Petra.” We are too!

And with that, it’s your turn. What lies in store for us during Guilty Pleasures week? Can Kirstie go debacle-free for another week? What did you think of Petra’s exit? Any thoughts about Brooke’s fashion resurgence this week? (I thought her slinky, cleavage-rich, ruffle-free mini-dresses were a major upgrade, didn’t you?) Sound off in the comments, and let us know in our poll if the right couple went home! –-Mitch Rustad