Dancing With the Stars Results: The First Eliminated Contestant Is...

Nobody likes to be the first one to leave the party, but that’s exactly what went down tonight during the first results-show telecast of Dancing With the Stars‘ twelfth season. Indeed, one celebrity hoofer joined what Tom Bergeron called the “august group” of Round One evictees that includes Jeffrey Ross, David Hasselhoff, and Kenny Mayne.

Before Tom and Robo Brooke Burns sent to the guillotine the couple with the lowest combination of viewer votes and judges’ scores, we were treated to the debut performance of the “Dancing With the Stars (Probably Young Enough to Be Your Children) Troupe” and two songs by a really annoying guy in a light-up suit whose name I just don’t feel like mentioning. Instead of dwelling on his multiple bad acts, let’s get to the important information — tonight’s results:

NOT IMMEDIATELY SENT TO SAFETY
Sugar Ray Leonard and Anna Trebunskaya
“Psycho” Mike Catherwood and Lacey Schwimmer
Wendy Williams and Tony Dovolani

FINAL TWO COUPLES LEFT AT RISK (THOUGH NOT NECESSARILY THE BOTTOM TWO)
Sugar Ray Leonard and Anna Trebunskaya
“Psycho” Mike Catherwood and Lacey Schwimmer

ELIMINATED
Mike Catherwood and the chick with the rock-hard abs and terrible dye job

“It’s been such an amazing experience overall. It sucks to be sent home first, but I’ve made a lot of good friends,” said Catherwood, who added it was an honor to join DWTS‘ “Mt. Rushmore of terrible dancers.”

And with that, I turn it over to you. What did you think of the Dancing With the Stars Troupe? Were there any members of the sextet you’d like to see joining DWTS‘ band of pros? Any thoughts or feelings about Brooke’s heinous white structural minidress? Sound off in the comments, and let us know in our poll if the right couple went home!