Worst Cooks Recap: Blonde Leading the Blind

Worst Cooks in America is like a poker player who yanks her left ear, coughs twice, then winks every time she gets an ace in her hand. Last week, we saw good-natured Carlos suddenly get the “competitive beast” edit as a way to make palatable his elimination and Joshie’s advance to the Red Team championship. And on last night’s season finale, when the lovely and consistent Georg started spouting less-than-gracious opinions about her chances of taking home the $25,000 grand prize, you knew she was gonna get as burnt as the sear on one of Joshie’s pork chops.

“Joshie’s dessert looks sunken-in to me. It doesn’t look like an expensive item on a restaurant menu, and mine looks amazing, so I’m really confident,” said Georg, making what I am pretty certain was her first serious dig of the season at one of her opponents. (Weirdly, the audio during this “smackdown” sounded a little patched-together to my ears, but maybe I’m just looking for treachery where none really exists.)  Juxtposed with hapless Joshie’s zen remarks — “I cooked my heart out, so if that’s not enough to win, I’ve got no problems” — you knew how judges’ table was going to go down. But wait! Just in case you weren’t feeling the Joshie love, the Worst Cooks editors tried to stack the deck just a little more: “I totally feel like I deserve it!” Georg declared of the season 2 title, while Joshie took an “all about the cooking” approach. “I don’t think I could’ve done any better than I did today,” cooed the scrappy puppy of the competition. “Hopefully, the food will reflect that.”

Oh phooey. I can’t say that Worst Cooks is the kind of show in which I take a passionate rooting interest, but it’s hard to celebrate the win by a guy who as recently as last week was double-dipping his spoon into the chimichurri sauce. During the pre-meal training session, I got a little worried when Georg launched her julienned veggies directly from the frying pan and into the fire, but when Joshie burned his chops and forgot his sausages in the oven, it seemed the playing field remained wide open.

Naturally, Chef Robert and Chef Anne played up Georg and Joshie’s respective season-long “issues” — lack of confidence and inability to focus — and naturally, both of them overcame said issues during their final forays into the kitchen. (What? You think our mentors are gonna come out of this thing looking bad, aside from matching and totally unfortunate dye jobs?)

Joshie’s appetizer was a panzanella swimming in oil and vinegar, topped with an overstuffed zucchini blossom, while Georg’s roasted corn chowder looked like absolute perfection. On the main courses, though, Georg undercooked her potato cakes, though she at least recognized the error straight away; Joshie, meanwhile, burnt judge Donatella Arpaia’s pork chop, but cooked the other judges’ cuts of meat to perfection. And so it came down to the dessert course, where Georg deep-fried her bananas too early, leaving them soggy and listless, while Joshie made a judge-approved blueberry-nectarine crisp in what he declared was the “funnest” part of the day. (Side note: Please tell me I’m not the only viewer who flinched at the non-word “funnest” coming from a law-school student.)

Once the victory went to Joshie, we did get one of the more amusing trainwreck images of the season, with our winning contestant making a running leap into/onto a stunned Chef Anne. (Good thing she had a moment or two to brace for impact, or both of ’em would’ve wound up sprawled on the floor of the Tribeca Grill.) We also got Robert losing his side bet and winding up in the chair at Anne’s salon, being transformed into the platinum blonde he was never meant to be. I’m still not sure the right person won, but as consolation prizes go, this makeover from hell certainly finished the season on an amusing note.

What did you think of the Worst Cooks finale? Were you happy with the outcome? And what about the season overall? Sound off in the comments, and for all my reality recaps, follow me on Twitter @MichaelSlezakTV!