RuPaul's Drag Race Recap: Anchors Away!

Silence! It’s time to recap the action on last night’s RuPaul’s Drag Race!

This week, the queens were asked to divvie up into two teams and produce competing morning news programs. India Ferrah immediately put herself on the express elevator to the bottom two after team leader Carmen assigned her the role of meteorologist. “What kind of weather girl?” India asked pitifully, exhibiting none of the resourcefulness or outrageousness required of a drag superstar. You’d think India might’ve slapped out of it after Ru gave an incredulous response — “This is you being ghetto?” — to her workshopped character, which was nothing more than a random “gurrrrrllll” added to the end of a sentence. But like a pigeon hellbent on gobbling up a gyro in the crosswalk, Miss India got so focused on her script and outfit that she couldn’t see the 18-wheeler bearing down on her drag dreams.

I thought India would be lipsynching for her life against Mariah, the unimoninkered queen who, as Ru pointed out, is “resting on pretty.” Her interview with the utterly random Kristin Cavallari was littered with trip-ups and errors. Mariah’s explanation for her poor performance — “I had some facts that I didnt have completely together” — was hilarious, but in a completely unintentional way. Likewise, when Mariah asked Cavallari the needle-screeching-across-record question of the night (“Were you really born a genetic woman?”) her delivery was so lethargic it removed any kind of mischief or humor from the moment.

Ultimately, though, Ru and the judges (including guests Chloe Sevigny and Debbie Matenopolous) decided it should be Stacy Layne Matthews lipsynching for her life against India. At this point, the plus-sized queen’s sole shtick seems to be inserting the b-word into every sentence — “I cannot wait to hear what this bitch has to say,” she said of her mentoring session with Debbie — and she plays that “I’m from the sticks” excuse more often than a Kylie Minogue remix at a gay disco.

I would’ve given the win this week to Shangela (pictured), the only contestant who completely embraced the spirit of morning TV banter, and who even took an offhanded Yara Sofia line (“It’s so good but it’s so gay”) and turned it into a catchphrase. Plus, her runway look was a fantastic riff on Beyoncé circa “Crazy in Love.”

I wasn’t as thrilled as the judges by Manila’s Asian stereotype interviewer, although it did set up Ru’s best line of the night: “When you weren’t pronouncing your Ls and your Rs, I thought it was a terrible idea. But you know what? That never hurt Barbara Walters.” Debbie argued that “some eggs have to be broken to make an omelette,” but where were the mushrooms, the tomatoes, the cheese? By failing to infuse any fresh flavor into the stereotype on which she was riffing, Manila’s whole performance just left me feeling underwhelmed and a little sad. Still, it won her immunity for next week.

With the lipsynch-off between India and Stacy ending in a draw, the elimination came down to which runway look the judges liked better. Chloe wasn’t feeling the Yorkie on Stacy’s head (“I don’t like animals,” she deadpanned) but India’s dated gray frock proved downright offensive to Michelle Visage. What’s more India’s makeup looked like it had been applied in a back alley by a couple of teenage taggers. The horror! And with that, it was “Chanté, you stay” for Stacy, and “Sashay away” for India.

What did you think of this week’s RuPaul’s Drag Race results? Did the right person win? Was India the correct pick for elimination? And did the Raja-Shangela pageant debate seem like a whole lotta trumped-up nothing? Sound off in the comments, and for all my reality TV commentary, follow me on Twitter @MichaelSlezakTV.