Crank up the volume on your TV and worry about apologizing to the neighbors in the morning: The 2011 Grammy Awards are just moments away, and there’ll be plenty of musical performances comin’ atcha. Some will be legendary, some will be disastrous, but all of ’em will be covered right here at TVLine.com’s 2011 Grammys Live Blog. So click through past the jump for my running commentary (keep hitting refresh — newest comments will show up at the top of your screen) and then head to the comments section to add your own opinions. Y’all ready? Here goes nothin’…
11:30 Alrighty, folks, my bloggin’ hands are blistered and achy (not really), and it’s time to brush the teeth and get some sleepytime (really). Hit the comments and share your picks for best and worst performance of the night! I’ll go with Aretha Tribute as Best (with Mumford & Sons as close runner-up), Drake and Rihanna as Worst (song really doesn’t benefit from a live rendition), and Cee-Lo/Gwyeth/Muppets as Most Fun. Your turn!
11:27 Ending the show with “Ready to Start”? Ha!
11:24 Not sure if this was planned for Arcade Fire to return to the stage and perform another track, but if this turns out to be a spontaneous play-out, that would be pretty freakin’ amazing, no?
11:23 Under the new Grammy Bylaw No. 473, Arcade Fire required to win Grammy immediately following performance.
11:22 Barbra and Kristofferson — two tricky names to spell — presenting Album of the Year.
11:17 Kelly, can you handle this? Michelle, can you handle this? Beyoncé, can you handle this? I don’t think they can handle this!
11:16 CBS is all like, “Come ON, if you’re old enough to be up after 11 p.m., you can handle some Arcade Fire.”
11:14 Seriously, I’m just gonna have to listen to this one with my eyes closed because the visuals are hurting my Oldie McOlderson eyes. (Also: Did I just see some doods on bicycles?)
11:13 Arcade Fire and Enough Flashing Lights to Cause a Seizure!
11:11 This “Mini Darth Vader ad” for VW will never get old.
11:08 Burning Question: Will the Grammys end early enough for me to get in another chapter of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince before bedtime? (Yeah, I’m pop-culturally about six years behind.)
11:04 Record of the Year goes to Lady Antebellum’s “Need You Now.” (Over “Empire State of Mind”?)
11:03 Whoa. Was that J.Lo-Marc Anthony bit scripted comedy, or uncomfortable marital squabble?
11:02 JENNY FROM THE BLOCK! THEY JUST PLAYED A SNIPPET OF “JENNY FROM THE BLOCK!”
11:00 They’re not going to end this evening with this Drake-Rihanna number, right?
10:59 Diddy’s intro: Rated I…for I Cahn’t!
10:53 Best Rap Album goes to Eminem’s Recovery.
10:51 Chew on this: What if Barbra had worn Nicki Minaj’s look?
10:50 Cyndi Lauper needs to be on hand to give Reaction Face at every awards show ever.
10:48 Barbra in flowing maroon five gives us a tasteful/orchestra-accompanied “Evergreen.”
10:46 Kris Kristofferson introduces Barbra Streisand as having the voice of an angel and the heart of a champion. And then THE MOON makes a special appearance floating over the stage. Day-um!
10:41 Nobody puts Beyoncé in the (seat-filling) corner!
10:37 Mick’s raucous energy on this Solomon Burke tribute almost gets Kim Kardashian to dance. No such ambivalence, however, from Cyndi Lauper.
10:35 I bet if Mick Jagger had starred in NBC’s The Cape it wouldn’t have stopped production. Just saying.
10:32 In Memoriam montage: Showing overlapping images blunts ability to determine which deceased musician get the most applause. Respectful or annoying?
10:31 This is worse than that time my husband dragged me to an experimental French jazz combo.
10:28 Recording Academy dude decides to jazz up his shtick with a little musical accompaniment: Esperanza Spalding and the Grammy Camp Band! They need to turn up the volume and drown out more than Matthew Morrison’s blah-blah-blahing.
10:22 And the win goes to Esperanza Spalding. Here’s hoping the trophy comes with the option of security to protect her from an angry army of Bieber fans.
10:21 Jewel and John Legend presenting Best New Artist. Here’s hoping Florence and the Machine get it!
10:19 Skylar Grey calls for a doctor, and winds up with Dre, M.D. Can he bring that comatose looking audience of industry types to life? (Spoiler alert: Probably not.)
10:18 All they need is a castle and that’d totally be an Enya video going on behind Eminem.
10:14 Where are they hiding all the backup singers propping up Rihanna’s voice?
10:12 Seth Rogen makes a “backstage gettin’ high with Miley Cyrus” joke. You know some family group is working on its condemnation press release as we speak.
10:10 For a second, I thought Keith Urban’s Target ad was going to focus on Garnier Nutrisse.
10:08 Song of the Year goes to “Need You Now.” Now I’m gonna have to go back and see how many of tonight’s nominated/performed/winning songs have also been performed on Glee.
10:07 Was Cee-Lo really nominated for “Forget You”?
10:03 Norah Jones, John Mayer, and Keith Urban breakin’ it all the way down on “Jolene.” Although why does it look like Mr. Mayer is reading lyrics off a cue card?
10:02 Is that a bald Mark Ballas dancing behind Katy Perry?
10:01 It’s not just a gown, it’s a backdrop! #ConceptFail
9:59 Not sure a live ballad is Katy Perry’s friend.
9:57 “This past Monday I had the pleasure of having sex with her — on TV no less. And I must say it left me exhausted, aroused, and more than a little confused.” –Neil Patrick Harris introducing a performance by Katy Perry
9:55 Interesting, Oscar winner Gwyneth scored about as many likability points with that performance as Jamie Foxx lost with his intro. Dude might want to get his agent to reach out to Ryan Murphy. Just a thought.
9:53 I can’t call that the greatest Grammy vocal of the night, but it was certainly the most amusing. (Wonder if Gaga is secretly experiencing a little Muppet envy?)
9:52 CEE-LO’S PANTS!!!!!
9:51 Gwyneth, with just a hint of plumage of her own!
9:50 Honestly, the Muppets and the feathers are so awesomely insane, I can’t focus on the vocals.
9:48 Cee-Lo’s amazing bird regalia is 1-800-Oh-Mah-Gawd.
9:46 Continuing tonight’s “Perform first, accept trophy immediately thereafter” trend, the Best Country Album goes to Lady Antebellum.
9:45 Kings of Leon won’t let their songs be on Glee, but they’re not above presenting with Miley Cyrus. Alrighty then!
9:43 Okay, brief tribute. Now we’re onto “American Honey” (incidentally performed by one of my fave Idol auditioners this season, Adreinne Beasley) and “Need You Now.”
9:41 And continuing the unnatural marriage theme, Lady Antebellum paying tribute to… Teddy Pendergrass?
9:40 Super Bowl’s unnatural marriage with Glee continues.
9:37 Good mercy, even Auto Tuned J.Lo sounds kinda wispy, but could she be any more stunning in this Venus ad? Note to Kim Kardashian: This is how you do “advertising sexy.”
9:33 I won’t lie: I can’t comprehend a single word coming out of Bob Dylan’s mouth. “Ain’t gonna work on Maggie’s farm no more?” Can that be right?
9:30 Avett Bros. make the score Folkies, 2; Auto Tune, 0.
9:27 Anyone think Mumford and Sons’ lead singer Marcus Mumford could be a long-lost Baldwin brother?
9:26 Mumford & Sons don’t even have so much as a decent backdrop and yet they are kinda stealing the show, no?
9:25 Justin Bieber clearly doesn’t know what a hairpiece is. #EducationFail
9:23 Gaga with Worf Head thanks Whitney Houston for inspiring her “Born This Way” vocal. I’m wondering if that leather-armor tushie implant hurts to sit on.
9:22 Best Pop Vocal Album goes to Lady Gaga’s The Fame Monster.
9:21 Take-home message of this award intro: Ray Charles and Joni Mitchell could wind up in the same group as The Bieb?
9:19 Move over, NPH, Ricky Martin is the new go-to gay!
9:14 And the Grammy for Best Rock Album by Older White Dudes goes to MUSE!
9:13 Nicole Kidman is all like “Okay, I’ll clap for this.” #WhatIDidForOscar
9:10 Not really sure about Usher’s singing here (that could be just a computer and some of his heavy breathing) but his dancing makes The Bieb’s look kinda tragique.
9:09 Jaden Smith: Another pre-teen who makes more money than you!
9:08 Acoustic “Baby” into Ninja Drummers into that song that conveniently has the same name as his movie that came out this weekend.
9:07 Grammy would like to remind you: A portion of the proceeds from every Justin Bieber album goes to support your local Usher.
9:05 Eva Longoria introducing Justin Bieber at the same exact time Desperate Housewives is airing on ABC. Literally, all eyes on her.
9:04 It’s not just me, right? This show could use a little more Fantasia!
9:00 Good thing LeAnn Rimes didn’t win or Eddie Cibrian’s ex might’ve had to pull a Carrie prom scene as she accepted her award.
8:59 Best Female Country Vocal Performance goes to Miranda Lambert’s “The House That Built Me.”
8:57 When you get that kind of enthusiastic response from Cyndi Lauper, you know you’ve done something right.
8:56 Janelle’s like “Put me down, fools! I have a song to finish!” #PerilsOfCrowdSurfing
8:55 Janelle Monae doesn’t need to come out of an egg to prove she’s from outer space.
8:53 I wonder if Bruno Mars is performing in black and white to the live audience, too.
8:52 As Mr. Peanut has long known, a monocle is always in style.
8:49 Seacrest introduces Bruno Mars, B.o.B., and Janelle Monae. Because, really, he’s not busy enough.
8:47 Just watched the trailer for Sucker Punch. Does that movie star S1m0ne?
8:43 Ellen K, your bland commentary does not make me want to follow you on Twitter.
8:40 Muse’s “Uprising” features the refrain “We will be victorious.” Which could be kinda unfortch if they don’t take home a Grammy during tonight’s live telecast.
8:36 Miranda’s getting better as the song goes on, and darn, that lyric knows how to hit all my sentimental spots. (Insert choked-up emoticon here.)
8:34 Appreciating the stripped-down simplicity of Miranda Lambert’s “The House That Built Me,” just wish there were a few fewer wonky notes up in there.
8:32 Loving Blake Shelton’s dapper vest-with-pink-tie combo.
8:27 The outfits are a little Jame Gumb/Silence of the Lambs “skin suit” via Karl Lagerfeld, but I don’t mind ’em. And no doubt, I’m gonna be using this jam to turn the sidewalk into my own personal runway.
8:26 This is some of Gaga’s best dancing in recent memory, no?
8:25 EGGcelent entrance!
8:24 OOOH! Remember when Ricky Martin sang “Cup of Life” on the Grammys!? One of the most exciting moments this show has ever had.
8:23 Good joke to start a boring acceptance speech: “Thanks, Justin Bieber for not being a duo or group.”
8:22 And Train wins for Best Pop Performance by a Duo or Group for “Hey Soul Sister”!
8:21 No disrespect, but I kinda don’t understand how the Glee cast is in this category.
8:20 Overhead clap from Xtina!
8:18 What’s everyone snacking on tonight? I just had a piece of toast with PB and raspberry jam.
8:16 Good thing there’s a commercial break. I was about to get the damn vapors from that. #NoLie.
8:14 Grammy had better take Aretha up on her offer and let her open next year’s show!
8:11 It might just be the gay in me, but I cannot say a bad word about a diva-off on “Sisters Are Doin’ It for Themselves.” Who won the final note? I’m giving a slight edge to… Yolanda.
8:10 Yolanda serving “Spirit in the Dark.” Honestly, this quintet should just refuse to give up their mics and let this business go on all night. Can I get an “Amen”?
8:09 Love how Jennifer can still hollerate with absolutely no effort at two-thirds her former size.
8:08 I may have just let out an “Mmmhmm, girl!” when J-Hud started with “Respect.”
8:07 Florence Welch working it on out. No, YOU better think, audience.
8:06 Nice choice of “Until You Come Back to Me” for Martina McBride. Anyone else feel like the sound mix is a little “inside a tin can”?
8:04 Yolanda Adams and Jennifer Hudson providing moral support to Xtina via “go on, girl” facial expressions. Respeck.
8:03 Xtina got that first lyric right, mmkay?
8:02 “Talented musical princesses” are paying tribute, but you know Miss Aretha is at home giving a mild-to-moderate side-eye.
8:01 I know nobody is probably going to sing “Dr. Feelgood,” but that’s my favorite.
8:00 It actually does get more exciting the more times in a row you say “Aretha Franklin!”