Exclusive: Scrubs Scene-Stealer Heads to Cougar Town

I don’t think I’m overselling this next story by declaring it the most exciting bit of casting news to break in the last quarter century: Sources confirm to me exclusively that Cougar Town has just procured the services of… um, me!

Although a show rep declined to confirm the rumor, I’m told that I will guest-star in one of this season’s final episodes in a role so top-secret, even I don’t know what it is. In fact, I’m pretty sure series cocreator Bill Lawrence doesn’t know what it is, which presents me (and by me, I mean you) with a golden opportunity — to come up with a role ourselves!

Who do you think I should play on Cougar Town? Keep in mind that the part will be relatively small, due to my lack of discernible acting ability, er, I mean my hectic schedule. Yep, that’s the reason. The part will be small because of my insane schedule. So think something akin to my Scrubs role of Elizabeth Banks’ baby doc, which was both pivotal and under five lines. (Remember, there are no small parts, only journalists with big egos. Wait, that’s not right.)

Take to the comments section with your ideas. I’ll present the 10 best to Lawrence and his fellow Town-ies. Should one of them get used, I’ll invite the winner to my viewing party.* Go to it!

* Winner will be responsible for all travel expenditures and must agree not to hit the hummus and pita platter too hard. Should your idea be used, it becomes the sole property of ABC Studios. You can still brag about it at cocktail parties, though.

Comments are monitored, so don’t go off topic, don’t frakkin’ curse and don’t bore us with how much your coworker’s sister-in-law makes per hour. Talk smart about TV!

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112 Comments
  1. skyfan says:

    ROLE: I think you should just play a (perhaps) more flamboyant version of yourself. Fresh from the success of your new online site venture, you’re looking for a Florida property to be your “winter White House” and Smurf Library. You run into Jules & co. that way; there’s some confusion and some wine, then you’re off to another coast.

    This leaves you an “in” if you’d like another appearance, too.

    Skyfan

  2. Brock says:

    I would love to see you play Travis’ College Professor with a couple of snappy lines of dialogue about him failing your class.

  3. BrooklynBreeza says:

    I think you should play either:

    a)Neighbor Ted’s visiting nephew. Lots of opportunity for awkward staring through windows and eavesdropping. You’d be perfect.

    b)A Dean or Professor at Travis’ school

    c) Bobby’s caddy

  4. jessiesk says:

    You could be another odd and dangerously disturbed neighbor who has been trying out for American Idol for 8 years, they finally have a restraining order against you but still you live with hope in your heart and a terrible voice in your throat.

    • Karen says:

      A disturbed neighbor who peeks through the fence while Jules, Ellie and Lauri are sunbathing by the pool. Without saying a word you come over and lay next to them. They look terrified until you pull out a bottle of wine after which they introduce themselves. You all become friends.

  5. sheri says:

    You could play the new worker at the liquor store and Jules gets mad because you don’t have her order ready

  6. beth says:

    How bout priest/reverend who is standing by and overhears one of the women’s crass or mean-ish plans/conversations and gives them a look or maybe a line or something; and in a place where a priest should be but the crass conversation shouldn’t – like a church bakesale, some community fair or ect.

  7. William Whitaker says:

    You should play the Dr. Pepper representative that decides to sponsor Bobby. Mainly so Bobby can have a little money next season and a real place to live.

  8. Jaime says:

    You should play an ex-boyfriend of ellie

  9. Rizmic says:

    How about you are the clerk at the store where the cul-de-sac crew buys their wine. Endless possiblities of witty repoire and dialoge there!

    • Amy says:

      Exactly what I was going to suggest! That’s a person we HAVE to meet eventually- they presumably spend a lot of time there!

  10. Jay says:

    Barb’s illegitimate change of life love child.

  11. Madelin says:

    I think you should play Bobby’s wordly, sophisticated brother. Not even Jules has met him and you shock everyone by how different the two of you are. Andy becomes obsessed with you instead of Bobby causing the entire gang to run you out of town.

  12. Madelin says:

    worldly***

  13. Allison N says:

    You know how some places have a home association where there are rules about what color you can paint your house/garage and such? You should be like an inspector who, well, inspects the cul-de-sac and writes up various “violations” like how you can’t have a pet cemetary :)

    OR you should be an annoying client who is possibly buying a house from Jules.

    Oh, and I must say, I am VERYYYYY excited about this! I can’t wait to see you in Cougar Town!

  14. belinda says:

    - a guy in a Smurf suit?

  15. Colleen S says:

    Jules goes through another major trauma that requires wine. You work at the extremely big wine glass store. You sell Jules her biggest wine glass yet and it is called “Big Mommma”. You try to get her to choose a smaller version called Big Moe but Jules needs the biggest wine glass ever made to drink away her problems.

  16. Joe says:

    annoying neighbor who moves his boat into the parking lot next to bobby.

  17. Allyson says:

    Laurie’s white-trash-ex-we’ve-never-seen, Travis. It would be Epic.

  18. Luminosity says:

    I think you should be a guy who works at Grayson’s bar as a waiter/bartender, who really stinks and quickly gets fired.

  19. Cheeks says:

    Your an interior designer turned part-time realtor who has been stealing Jules’ clients on the low. She is running numbers, sales in the area, etc. & realizes she has competition. Her and Lori go on a “mission” to find out who is stealing their clients and low and behold its the snarky Aushole! The gang then comes together to run you out of town!

  20. Ethan Maisel says:

    play a rival real estate agent to Jule’s company

  21. Sandra says:

    Ellie’s equally sarcastic and snarky brother. You get along with everyone in the group except Jules and she is determined to make you like her.

  22. eliott256 says:

    Barb’s new toy boy. I’m thinking chain collar and all :P

  23. Jason says:

    I think that you should be the cul-de-sac’s trash man!

  24. Jasper says:

    you should play a pharmacists or a clerk because jules has a pregnancy scare!

  25. Grace Papaseraphim says:

    No no no! You should play the new hunky lawn boy or pool boy (do they even have a pool?) Doesn’t matter…you just show up….very cute!

  26. sweet says:

    Someone’s already said it, but I love the wine clerk idea. They’ve got to be supporting someone’s child through college. New idea: you’re someone who interviewed to be Ellie’s nanny. You looked great on paper but your eyebrows weirded her out so she didn’t hire you but someone at the daycare did and all they do it talk about how great you are, how you’re teaching their child 3 languages and cook dinner, and help them pick fashionable outfits so she schemes to get you back and hilarity ensues.

  27. Alejandro says:

    I think you should play the super-flamboyant Grayson’s brother, who after a crazy party ends up in a threesome with Jules and Andy.

  28. Lelia says:

    In your sure-to-be Emmy-worthy guest appearance, you should play the president of the Homeowners’ Association who reprimands the cul-de-sac crew for their unsavory behavior, which reflects poorly on the neighborhood.

  29. Gary Bronstein says:

    Play a character like Dustin Hoffman’s Rainman character.
    Who desparately needs to see his favorite TV character
    Monica of Friends…Or at least a very good look alike…such a Jules
    perform for him on a regular Basis

  30. Brad says:

    I think you should play a TV reporter who has breaking news about one of the cast members.

  31. Jabbertalky says:

    Well, let’s step outside the box of obvious choices, and consider the endless possibilities for a versatile thespian with such mad acting chops as you! When Jules gets into a fender-bender, you could be the terrified passenger in her car, whom Jules was taking to show a house; the conniving driver of the other car who wants to take advantage of the situation; a bleery-eyed witness to the incident who can’t manage to say what happened the same way twice; the officious insurance adjuster who arbitrarily assigns all the blame onto Jules; the punk-rock owner of the impound lot from which Jules tries–unsuccessfully–to retrieve her car; the snarky instructor of the class at Traffic school where Jules has to spend a whole day, thereby missing a pre-planned “Girls’ Day Out” with Ellie/Laurie; or a customer ahead of Jules in line at the car body shop, who prevents her from picking up her car by flirting non-stop with the studly mechanic behind the counter. All of those would be quick, single-scene appearances with a minimum of dialog, but plenty of “attitude” for you to display.

  32. Melinda says:

    OMG! You should totally play either yourself, or a TV Scoop Mogul who is looking for the perfect home to buy. However, said home must have the perfect space, and lighting for…

    wait for it…

    wait for it…

    his SMURF collection!

  33. Fred says:

    Role: A potential home buyer to whom Jules is showing a huge, lavish, beautiful home to. You think it’s not good enough.

  34. Dawn Venitz says:

    A home buyer looking for a house big enough for you & your Smurfs. As the Smurfs take over your home each year you can come back continually buying a larger home (running gag & numerous cameos for regular viewers).

  35. How about a stalker? Obviously, Laurie is the obvious choice to stalk, but what about Ellie? Laurie would get insanely jealous is Ellie had a stalker. Jules probably would, too. Perhaps it could be a mystery who you are actually stalking, and they all argue about it, and then it could come out you were actually stalking Andy. That would be pretty funny.

  36. Annie says:

    I LOVE all the ideas!! How about playing the super-hot new mailman that the girls (and guys) can’t stop ogling?

  37. John says:

    A drunk who always hangs out at Grayson’s bar, annoying the gang with your drunk ramblings about them.

  38. sweet says:

    My favorite so far are:
    1. wine clerk
    2. mysterious stalker who ends up stalking Andy
    3. Cul de sac HOA Nazi.
    4. wouldbe nanny (because it’s mine)
    5. crazy guy looking for a house that will fit his smurf collection

  39. Chance says:

    Kirsten’s Dad (you had some crazy, and I do mean CRAZY nights in college).

  40. KevyB says:

    Andy breaks Big Carl and takes Jules to your wine shop to buy her a new one. She doesn’t like any of the ones you show her. Instead she has her eye on a huge vase you were just clipping roses for. You name an an exorbitant price, Andy almost protests but agrees. She asks its name and you, seeing the roses, say “Big Rose” quickly, and, inspired, say it’s for red wine only. Then what is she to do for white wine? You reach up on a shelf, grab another vase, surreptitiously toss the flowers out of it, and hand it to her. The name? “Big Whi-“, you look over at Andy, “-ley!” just catching yourself from a less acceptable name.

  41. Ethan says:

    Michael!

    You really really should play the attendant at the “Juice Station” that turns out to actually exist after Jules original fib to Grayson. And of course if that wins it would be super awesome if you can petition to get one of our tunes on the soundtrack as well!

  42. Stacy says:

    I think you should be Travis’ cool professor who has a chill attitude but we find out that the reason behind your “zen” is because you were running a marijuana business in the school selling to the kids and some of the professors. Unfortunately you get arrested because Jules snitched on you and Travis gets mad at her for ruining his most positive college experience, and also for the fact that people know it was his mom who ratted you out.

  43. Cory says:

    You should play the recycling pick-up man for the neighborhood who is concerned with the crew’s drinking habits and befriends Tom which causes a rival cul-de-sac crew to form and thereby initiating a turf war of sorts.

    • Sweet says:

      That.Is.Hilarious. After snowmaggeden last year, at the end of the storm I recycled 5 wine bottles. I was concerned what the recycle guy would think. hahaha.

  44. Cory says:

    P.S. I’ve never seen your episode of SCRUBS. However, I think your performance as ‘Blushing Guy’ from the bachelorette party in Veronica Mars was great. Inspired, really.

  45. Lee says:

    You should be a patron at Grayson’s bar that Laurie hits on to show she still has it and you retort with a one liner and then your hot boyfriend shows up. Or she talks to you because she makes a comment about gay men always loving her and you hate her. Some kind of random, quick funny conflict. I think you two will be hilarious together. Oooh, then at the end you hit on one of the Cougar’s men and they say still got it.

  46. Hills says:

    I think you should be a meter reader or handyman who always comes by and looks into Jules’ window at the most inappropriate times. By accident of course. We could have some of the less savory things you’ve seen done in flashbacks (licking spilled wine off the counter, phone sex with an out-of-town Grayson, etc). So when Jules sees you out and about in town, she is terribly embarrassed that you know her secrets. She becomes obsessed with this, leading to confessions from the other characters about the embarrassing tings they’ve done that other people have seen. However, nothing makes her feel better until she finds you in some sort of sorted situation when she mistakenly walks into the wrong condo for a viewing.

  47. GimplyGump says:

    Travis’s Stalker. They spend the episode talking about this guy stalking Travis and at the very end they spot you spying on him.

  48. GoldenDog says:

    I think you should be a game manufacturer looking to get exclusive rights to Penny Can.

  49. Mark says:

    I’d like to see you play the neighborhood’s biggest gossip.

  50. Marc C. says:

    1. Someone has flashback that puts members in wizard of oz like dream sequence where you are the wizard.

    2. Cox backs up car and hits a dog. She takes dog to vet and finds out it’s pregnant. You are vet and deliver the line “see right there are your babies”